Okay.  Guys. I have to tell you something.

I have been trying to master the art of outdoor SLOW living for 457895747 years, and guess what happened?  It sucked, I cried, had a temper tantrum and a much needed stiff cocktail.  People should seriously stop expecting normal from me. We all know that it’s never going to happen.

Sometimes there’s a totally logical reason for changing up your back yard. Sometimes it’s just like, my life and backyard suck and I really just need to switch things up.

Get ready.   

This is all based on a mostly true story. Some of this actually happened. Pure factual happenings. Nothing made up, nothing exaggerated, gospel truth, nothing fabricated. You can even ask Michael if you doubt me. I’m holding THE TRUTH GOBLET IN.MY.HAND.RIGHT.NOW. By the way, what is a truth goblet?!!!  If the truth goblet is red wine, I’m definitely holding it.

My life was an absolute shit-show-shitastrophy last year.

Michaels terminal cancer was at its all time worst. Our contractor also decided that he wanted to ruin our life for 34793574 days straight. Like hey, as if the kitchen disaster wasn’t enough. I’m still not sure if we should redo the kitchen or just burn it.

And.you.think.I.joke.

Yeah.

And it got worse.

Our local township forced us to rezone our treehouse + cabin retreat property and make unreal-off-the-charts-like-dig-up-the-entire-foundation-changes. I think I stared a nervous break down right in the eyeballs. It was next level, crazy pants life mayhem. I almost drove off a Thelma and Louise cliff.

Rant over.

You’re like, thank gawd.

Life is good now. So is our backyard.

 

Backyard LURVE

Before I even begin this blab fest, I have to tell you something. My love for Article is years strong.   Redonk love. When they reached out to me to see if we could work together, I practically handed them my house keys. My heartbeat definitely fell through my butt.

Dear Article,

Hot damn, your furniture is so pretty!!!  It cuts my grass, floats my boat, and butters my bread with happiness. Rock me Amadeus.

PS. I love you. The end.

Sponsored but not really

This is technically-not-so-technically a sponsored blog post. Some items I purchased on my own. Some were gifted from Article.  I didn’t receive any payment to say anyfiiing.  Nuffffing.  This blab fest is totally my own. I paid for all the accessories, all the hard work, all the everything (except some of the Article furniture.) I did all my shopping online…. because hey, that is what living in the middle of nowhere is all about. Article is online only. All blood, sweat, and tears are embarrassingly my own too.  My gift to me.  Sometimes, when I am super busy (hello Treehouse + Cabin Retreat season) I like to compound that by taking on new projects that have absolutely no meaning to anyone else. Except my own head.

Oh hi, awesome pics

*I need to add a disclaimer right here : many of these photos are amazing and therefore not taken by me.  I specialize in yellowish-blurred photos and drive by shootings out the car window.  Yes, I always clench my teeth. Because, hello bugs. 

If you spot the crap photos in the post, those are mine.  I can take a photo, but I’m usually running through the fields in my flannel jammies, tripping on my slippers and spilling my coffee down my shirt while teetering an iphone and using the least amount of fingers possible.   I know jack squat about how to coordinate pajamas, coffee and iphonography.

The photos of the Article furniture in this post are by Toronto photographer Tyler Bowditch.  

Hellooooo gorgeous styling…

Beeee teeee dubsss, it runs in the family… my daughter @TristanJayne is a stylist extraordinaire ! Need help styling your space? She’s your gal!! She styled theeeeee entire poolside space, because I was still breathing down the dragons neck of a nervous breakdown.  She loves to style.

Brace yo’self.

Get home. Take bra off immediately. Shop at Article.

 

10 Lessons I learned while creating a cozy outdoor space, because I’m a dork.

That, and cozy is my jam.

1.

I obvs love backyard twinkle lights (OmgOmgOmgOmg), comfy loungy sectionals (holy cow) and throw pillows everywhere (dear lawd). It’s so wonderful and beautiful and I can’t talk about it a second longer or else I’ll bawl my face off with happiness.

2.

Make it all super comfy cozy.  Like seriously. COMFY <– I hollered that.   I bought a lot a lot a lot online at H & M home.  If you tell Michael, I will plead innocence.

He’s like… hun, is that a new blanket at the pool?

Me :  What, that old thing? We’ve had it for years (translation: I bought it last week)

I buy all my linen bedding there too.Obsessed. Unless Michael is reading this.  I never buy linen. I’m totally holding my truth goblet right now.

Question: Will a liars pants really catch on fire?  Asking for a friend.

3.

Lighting will light up your life: Twinkle lights will cause you to hang out more in a space. See what I did there? I freaked my ish when we hung the string lights. I use incandescent edison style bulbs because because LED makes me barf in my shoe. LED is fugly with a capital F.

We also put the twinkle lights on dimmers. Because hey. Wrinkles.  The struggle is real. Didja know you could put dimmers on string lights? I didn’t. Do it. So good. So so so good.

4.

Aesthetically, I dig the design style of less is the new more.  Unless you are talking about throw pillows. Then all bets are off.

5.

The rug. It will floor you.  This one from Article is made from recycled plastic. How insanely funky is that?!  An outdoor rug just grounds the space. Excuse the pun.

6.

BLACK.

Paint.

I mean painting seems easy enough, right? Right. I got this. Stop rolling your eyes.

Can we talk about paint for a sec ?

I used to paint everything white from top to bottom forever and always, and my friends and family would have a bonafide conniption watching me paint anything that stood still long enough.  They all gave me the EYES.  The ‘erhhhmergerd, what on earth are you doing wrecking things‘ face?!!!

Well, Coal Black Fusion Mineral Paint is my new BFF.

I’m talking way too much about paint right now. If I told you that I haven’t brushed my hair in a week, would that make things better between us?

7.

I got super duper supercalifragilisticexpialidocious inspired (shocker!) when we visited here last year.  I’m telling you. Black mixed with whites and neutral jute and earthy tones... well… they gobsmack me.

It’s my new obsession. Ugh. Dead.

Naturally, everything in my house, life, cabin, treehouse, poolside area, panty drawer, trunk of my car… well…. it’s all black, jute and rattan… mixed with love, wine and popcorn.  Popcorn?! Did someone say popcorn?!  *_*.  This has nothing to do with anything, but I love this popcorn maker with all my heart and soul.  Legit. I’d put a ring on it.

8.

Make it realistically (is that a word? who cares) cozy & liveable. Like, if someone sat on your outdoor furniture, soaking wet, with a glass of red wine in one hand and a bowl of buttery popcorn in another ( who would do that? Not me. Totally me) … then your furniture has to be durable enough that you won’t feel the sudden urge to throat punch your guests. Or kids. Or me.

Outdoor furniture needs to be water friendly, pack-of-beer friendly, spilly-mother-in-law friendly, pool friendly, all the friendly.

ALL OF IT.

9.

Set your goals high and your expectations low for getting it done.  I had high goals for gorgy gorgeous furniture.  I had low expectations that I would get it assembled. Didja know that with Article you can get that included in your delivery?  I almost smooched the delivery men when they assembled the 473057459457 screws and bits and thingies to assemble the furniture.

Furniture assembly normally means I need a cigarette and a nap and I don’t even smoke.

I swear I’m almost done with poolside photos! For the day. Hour. Second.

 

10.

P.S. You can’t fix ugly. Buy only what you love.  Keep the things in your home that you really really really love. The outdoor furniture. I’m in love with it. I want to name it Betty, stuff it in my bra and keep it for forever. It fills me with a deep quiet satisfaction.  It’s intoxicating.  Weird, right?  Don’t answer that. It wasn’t a real question.

SHOP THE POST

Mission Style Fireplace Screen //  Mudcloth throw pillow // Article Ora Sectional Sofa  // Article Ora Chair // Article Ora Sofa  //  Article Stria Outdoor Rug //  Article Small Walnut Table // Article Large Walnut Nesting Table // Black sun umbrella //

Tell me your summer plans! Tell me your backyard faves. I need these details to thrive in life. That, plus I go to bed at 8:30 pm every night, like a 89 year old.  If you even try to convince me to stay up later ( or use LED light bulbs ) we will need to talk.

ps.

Has anyone else ever happy danced it out so hard that they knock their sunglasses off their face with their cha cha flailing arms? Just checking for a super cool friend.