10 reasons why cancer is like a drunken sailor

Nov 17


10 reasons why cancer is like a drunken sailor https://lynneknowlton.com/cancer/


Why is cancer like a drunken sailor?   You just never know what they’re gonna do.

Cancer has a way of picking a fight with a person, don’tcha think?  It’s a gut wrenching mofo.  The big C has a way of stepping in and turning things upside down.  It sometimes takes an organ to check you out, then if it realllllllly likes you – it takes the rest.


10 reasons why cancer is like a drunken sailor https://lynneknowlton.com/cancer/


When it comes to cancer, I’m not a newbie. I’ve been surrounded by cancer for my entire life.  Although I’ve never personally had cancer (and I’ve decided that I never will )


I am a cancierge.


Pretty much every significant family member in my life has had cancer.  Most of them are gone.  I was hardest hit when I lost my Dad.  It took me years to find myself again.   I’m still trying to walk out of the wilderness of my grief.


The only way through this tangled woods is to go through it.


10 reasons why cancer is like a drunken sailor https://lynneknowlton.com/cancer/


I’ve learned that grief never goes away, it just changes.


Okay this just got waaaaaay too serious.  Bootie! Tootie ! Arm-fart !


Do you want to read on?  

What are your weekday plans other than deleting me from your blog reader? 


Cancer can be emotionally constipating.  I promise to never use that constipation word again, in the history of ever.  It’s a real shit storm.


10 reasons why cancer is like a drunken sailor https://lynneknowlton.com/cancer/

10 reasons why cancer is like a drunken sailor https://lynneknowlton.com/cancer/


Why Cancer is a Jerk Face…


  1.   Having cancer is like standing on a banana peel.  Permanently.

2.    It’s like a cheating lover.   So unpredictable.  So sneaky.  Basically an asshole.

3.    Cancer is like an uninvited house guest.  But worse.  To the zillionth degree.

4.    You can always think about something you like more.

5.   Cancer is like a drunken sailor, you never know what they are going to do.

6.   Cancer is horse shit.

7.   With cancer, you have to be careful while stepping in the shower while eating a walnut.

8.   Cancer has a way of delivering your ass to you, just when you least expect it.

9.  Cancer is full of surprises.  Like feet tickling.  If you tickle my feet, I can’t promise what will happen to your face.

10.  For all those reasons and many more, I could really go for a glass of wine and my own private island right now.



10 reasons why cancer is like a drunken sailor https://lynneknowlton.com/cancer/


Cancer is horse shit.
And then.
It's not.



For the past two months, our family had been waiting on test results for Michael.  Our hearts and fears were on a roller coaster.  For those of you who have been reading my blog for some time (and accustomed to wayyyyyy more fun blog posts haha) know that Michael has a one-in-a-million cancer.  You can read about the cancer shenanigans here.

When he was originally diagnosed, his bone marrow was 70% cancerous.  Although it is a slow growing cancer, the median survival rate at the time was 5 years.  That was 8 years ago.


My dude is a cancer rock star.

He’s alive.  That officially makes him a rock star.


10 reasons why cancer is like a drunken sailor https://lynneknowlton.com/cancer/


The Doctors have been testing Michael for months to try and figure out why he has problems with numbness and tingling in his feet and legs.  Where’d it come from?  What’s causing it?


It’s like finding a needle in a haystack.

Or finding matching socks in my household.

Like that’s ever going to happen.


There was a chance that Michael could have had Amyloidosis.   That’s what all the tests were all about.  Testing for that big A word.  The life expectancy for those diagnosed with Amyloidosis is about 18 months.


That’s a stop you in your tracks kinda sentence, isn’t it? 18 months



10 reasons why cancer is like a drunken sailor https://lynneknowlton.com/cancer/


That life sentence was on repeat in my head for so long, that I lost track of time.  I was beyond worried that he could possibly have Amyloidosis.  The very thought of that kind of life expectancy brought tears to my eyes, and worry to my heart for 2 months straight.  I fast forwarded my life in my head, and seriously wondered what our family would be like, without Michael in it.  Could it really happen?  The fear was paralyzing.


Time. I always want to be knee deep in time.  Time with the love of my life.

Cancer tested me.


I wanted to replace Michaels body with blood that didn’t suck at being blood.  I worried how I would manage our home.  Could I love our four kids enough?  Alone?  Our kids really need Michael.  They adore him.  They don’t care if he leaves the toilet seat up.  I do.

Joking.  Not joking.


Dewd, I had a total pity party in my own head.  Right here.  In meeee head.  Gah.

It wasn’t purty.


10 reasons why cancer is like a drunken sailor https://lynneknowlton.com/cancer/


Aren’t you glad you read this cheery blog?


I don’t wanna get all dramatic on you, but I saw my life flash before my eyes.  Legit.  I fast forwarded it all in my overly creative brain.  I’d never have another soul mate.  I could never love someone like I love Michael.  I’d have to date again.  Ewwwwwwwwwh.   Seriously, this shit went through my head.


10 reasons why cancer is like a drunken sailor https://lynneknowlton.com/cancer/



I warned you. I was knee deep in a pity party.  Knee deep.


Do you want a whhaaaa burger with your french fries, Lynne? 


I wanted to scream …Don’t get all possessive of your cancer. I’ve seen your X-rays. There’s enough to go around.   Everyone seems to have it. 


Raise your hand if you know someone who has cancer.  See. Xactly. You totally have your hand up.   Now put it down, I can see your hairy arm pit.


The whole experience taught me that I now know what fear to the millionth degree feels like.  It’s gross.  It’s harrowing.  It’s numbing.   I don’t want to do that again.


Then a miracle happened.


After 2 months of waiting, we found out that Michael does not have Amyloidosis.




10 reasons why cancer is like a drunken sailor https://lynneknowlton.com/cancer/


We sure did.  I like to think I drink well with others but after two drinks, I start licking faces.  Let’s face it, certain alcohol has beneficial antioxidants and I like to fight cancer sometimes.


Btw, stairs are not my field of expertise when I’m holding a glass of wine.


Although we still don’t know the cause of his numbness and other symptoms, that’s perfectly fine with me.  I’d take anything over that big A word.  Anything.  Funny how Amyloidosis starts with A and so does that other word.


10 reasons why cancer is like a drunken sailor https://lynneknowlton.com/cancer/



This hot mess of cancer talk all leads to a family video that I want to share with you.

My videographer pal, Jessica Allossery made it. If you ever need this sorta video work done for you, she’s your gal.

Truth be told, I didn’t realize that old VHS tapes degrade over time. Eeeeeek.  She saved our VHS TAPES in a digital format and then created a video that we could share with Michael for a birthday surprise.


10 reasons why cancer is like a drunken sailor https://lynneknowlton.com/cancer/




This video is a collection of home movies, our kiddos growing up, and our way at looking at cancer.   It’s personal.  It shows our kids growing up and then talking about how they deal with cancer now.

With cancer, like most trying things in life, we learn lessons about ourselves, the people we love and life itself.

Grab a coffee.  Or a stiff drink.  It’s 25 minutes long and I do hope you love it.  I really do.  It is super vulnerable for me to share it with you because it is not only personal, it also shows my house and my hair at its fugliest stages over the years.  #TheStruggleIsReal.  No really.  Supes ugly.  Clearly, I’m also an ugly crier.  No fair.  Ha.

Sending you light and love for you to enjoy …




Cancer may be laced with sass, but so are we.  We got this.  Let’s be brave ballsy  and brilliant in our fight against cancer.

We got this.  You CANcer-vive!


10 reasons why cancer is like a drunken sailor https://lynneknowlton.com/cancer/


Quick – give me a throw pillow and some thread. I need to needlepoint that.

I super dig that expression.

You CANcer-vive 

They say that success is the best revenge.  Bullshit. Revenge is the best revenge and I’m totally okay with revenging out on cancer.

So … what are you waiting for?  Let’s go and kick in that damn door that they call cancer.


Let’s stomp on cancer like it stole your wallet.



twitter Pinterest InstagramFacebook




Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

  1. lynneknowlton

    November 18th, 2015 at 8:01 pm

    Family + cancer+ video= kickass blog post on cancer https://t.co/4VOd0alQlM https://t.co/SrXuEPaXS3

  2. Paul Back

    November 19th, 2015 at 5:37 am

    That’s really good to hear Lynne, glad to see you back 🙂

  3. Lynne Knowlton

    November 19th, 2015 at 8:33 am

    Hi Paul !!
    I’ve been meaning to write to you for forever! How have you been?

    We were a bit off the rails there, because of all this cancer stuff.. but it’s all good again and back to smooth cancer sailing rather than the rough patch.

    I’ll send you an email in a bit.

    Big love from across the pond!
    Lynne xx

  4. Paul Back

    November 20th, 2015 at 3:49 am

    Hey Lynne

    I have been good thanks 🙂 I have been Missing In Action for a bit but I’m back now. Speak soon

  5. Lynda

    November 19th, 2015 at 8:10 am

    I get tingling and numbness from eating sugar. I just started following you. I assume Michael is eating a sugar free nutrient dense diet. Green smoothies loaded with super foods like turmeric etc… There are so many remissions when the diet and lifestyle changes are added to or used instead of immune busting chemo…there are many options to choose it must be mind boggling…but to me food is number one to the path to health….best of luck..xoxo ps,, i am a fellow Canadian heading to the white pathway…..soooo over beige!!! Thx for sharing your style and truth…

  6. Lynne Knowlton

    November 19th, 2015 at 8:32 am

    Very true Lynda, about what we eat. Michael and I look at food like gasoline in a car. It is what keeps the engines running 🙂

    We use a blendtec blender and make smoothies all the time. We also juice too. It makes us feel like a million bucks. Ahhhh.

    Thanks for sharing your foodie thoughts!
    Lynne xx

  7. Terri Davis

    November 19th, 2015 at 5:15 pm

    So glad some good news came your way! It’s an up and down journey for sure .
    I have heard some cancer treatments can cause neuropathy as well.

    I battle that myself, it is the pits.

  8. Angela

    November 20th, 2015 at 1:34 pm

    You have a beautiful family…soulful and aware and loyal. I hope you all get to enjoy a great number of years together.

  9. AwesomelyOZ

    November 23rd, 2015 at 9:34 am

    Happy to hear your hubby is doing well and is free from the A word.. Hope he has many, many more years of good health his way. I have no doubt he’s earned it and deserves it. Again, love your photos – just gorgeous 🙂 Have a great one Lynne and hope everything is well with you and yours lovely. -Iva

  10. Sue Mason

    December 13th, 2015 at 7:40 pm

    Hey you and your most amazing family- in case you didn’t know this you are amazing! You make me laugh and you make me cry. I have 1 freind and 1 family member dealing with the nasty c word and a freind who diied 1 month ago.. Enough gloom!! I adore you. Just finished my chunkey blanket – husband adores it!!! Now a liittle worse for ware on Baileys!!! You rock! Still waiting for my Etsy mug. YOu make me smile every day. Hugs xx

  11. Nerina

    December 26th, 2015 at 1:36 pm

    WOW, just discovered you and am in awe of your everything. So So glad that the love of your life is doing well. It is nuts to be a guinea pig in this huge sphere of medical research. As a fellow Durham resident and spouse of a Cancer in progress dude, you inspire me to laugh and ugly cry through this crazy journey. Would love to connect IRL and knock back a few with a ton of laughs.
    Happiest of Holidays to you and your lovely family xOxO

  12. Lynne Knowlton

    December 27th, 2015 at 9:02 am

    Hi Nerina! You must be in Durham Region, not the town of Durham… because the town of Durham is one of those ‘you blink, you miss it’ towns. LOL! Either way… I’d love to meet some day! I hope you had a lovely holiday too! MWAH! Lynne xx

  13. Nerina

    December 29th, 2015 at 12:56 pm

    HaHa, yes, after I hit enter I realized I am a big loser. You remain awesome and I obviously have some work to do…. Happy New Year to you and yours…Cheers!!!

  14. Peri

    August 28th, 2017 at 1:07 pm

    Sharing the hope. I am 11 years out with MM. stem cell transplant in 2007. Steroids and chemo keeping me alive all along. Gamma and biophosphinate treatments each month. Gets old…but am Grateful every extra day I get with my husband.. love your blog, etc. I Can cer vive is brilliant. Off for labs zometa and Doc today, oh boy. Oh, and my first thought when diagnosed: silver linings. Thinking of getting airstream. Would love to deco it like your kitchen….fun, peri

  15. Val

    December 29th, 2015 at 10:18 pm

    You liked a pic of mine on instagram a half hour ago. Maybe you didn’t mean to but I’m so glad you did. Your blog is lovely and you are adorbs. So glad the universe brought me here tonight. ??

  16. Lynne Knowlton

    December 30th, 2015 at 9:07 am

    Hi Val,
    I’m so happy that instagram and the universe brought us together too. It was meant to be!

    Thanks soooooo very much for writing a comment to me.

    Lynne xx

  17. Tracy

    January 7th, 2016 at 10:10 pm

    I am so glad your husband doesn’t have amyloidosis. Having a spouse with cancer is so terrible and you are so brave and awesome. And so is he.

1 4 5 6


 Sign up! We'll send occasional, inspiringly witty emails with exclusive deals, blog faves, design tips & free downloadable prints.  Like this one!


Unsubscribe at any time. No spam. Not even in a can.