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It sucked and then I cried : How I went for walk, saw a drunk racoon, got locked in a hut, kicked down a door and discovered my fave jammies.

Hold please. I gotta go wash my hands again. 


The world feels so upside down and none of us are sure what to think, so we thought we’d give you something ahhhhh to think about.

Comfy. Cozy. Loungewear. That’s what this post is all about.

That, and half written grammatically incorrect sentences. And how I got punked by a racoon, fell in a river and got locked in a hut.

Here we are.  Our imperfect selves.  Shopping at the grocery store in our hazmat suits. It feels like April 74th. The only road trip we’re taking is down the road, and tripping.

 

What are you up to these days?

I’m working from the cabin… buried deep within my sofa with half eaten potato chips on my shirt and chip dip on my sleeve. Why did that sentence just make me drool? Who am I right now? Also, my butt looks like a pancake. 

Annnnnnnd it’s cold in the cabin. My nipples are exhausted.


Lately, I’ve been forcing myself to go outside and walk in the forests and fields of our property, and remind myself that the sky is …in fact… not falling. 

I don’t want to brag, but I’ve walked 3 times in three weeks.

So far, I’ve fallen in our river, witnessed a drunk racoon, and inadvertently locked myself in a hut.

GASP. I DIE.

Dead. Gonzo.


You’re calling me a loser in your head right now, aren’t you? Wait. It gets worse. You’re like, really? I thought this fiasco was over.

I went for a pajama-clad-parka-wearing (how’s that for a visual?) walk in our backyard forest and drank beer (yeah, I stashed one in my pocket, because that is what this grown ass adult does in a crisis.)

Like the pajama and parka visual wasn’t horrific enough. I had to top it off with a beer in my pocket.

You’re like.. “my eyes, my eyes!” I can’t unsee that.

Uhm. It’s gets miles worse.



First. I sat on a rock pondering what kind of DIY craft I could do with moss. Who does that? Don’t answer that. It wasn’t a real question. As I sat there thinking about my stoopid imaginary moss craft, I spotted a very happy drunk racoon, sunning himself. He stood up, wobbled, scratched himself like a drunk man in a pub and then stood on his head.   Someone furry ate a few too many fermented apples. And it wasn’t me and my furry unshaved anklets.


Things get weird in the countryside, don’t they?


Hold on. They get weirder.

As if, right? Yup.

I almost died. In an efffffing hut.




Day 2 of my walkfest.


I thought I should try another torture session walk, and check on the raccoon <— My new best friend. He had sobered up and toddled off. Phew. Safe and sound. All clear. I meandered like my 102 year old self, through the fields and forests to our sons hunting hut at the back of our 100 acre property. I was in. All in, on this 3743 mile walk to nowhere-ville.

Note to self: I effffing hate hunting. I mean, I’m an almost-every-once-in-a-while-sometimes-vegetarian. But I super love my son, and his tiny homemade hut. That wee hut suddenly looked like heaven on earth. A nice escape from the cold.

I had this picturesque vision in my head. I could walk in the hut and be transformed. Maybe I could even look like my friend Rachel, walking into our treehouse laTREEn bathroom. My imagination is crazier than a twirly straw and I’d obviously, unequivocally lost my mind at this point, because I did not look like this going into the hut….



The lies I tell myself. I was, in fact, wearing my two day old pajamas, parka, rubber boots and had one mitten. I know. I know. STAP IT.


Guess what happened next?

I sat in the hut for a good long time thinking that life was pretty great. It was confirmed. The sky had, in fact, not fallen.

I sat a little longer. And had a really big cry. The thing is, I’ve been so sad about Michaels health. Cancer is horse shit. Things had been taking a downturn in his cancer rollercoaster. I worry what my life would be like without him in it. I felt sorry for myself and my hut-like fashion statement, all at once. No really. I’m a hot mess sometimes.


life in a hut

Then. I got ready to leave. I turned the handle to the door, and the outside part of the door handle fell off. The handle fell offfffffff. BOOM. Handle on the ground. I was locked in. I stood there wondering if this was a symbol of my life. I perpetually feel like I’m a piece of cheese sliding off a cracker.


FML.

I die. I guess this is my forever life now. Living in a forest. For the rest of f.o.r.e.v.e.r.

Can we just talk about the fact that I was locked in that mother-f*cker room for a good long time?

Legit. A loooooooong time.

I FaceTimed my son.

No answer. I wrote a will.


I carved LYNNE WAS HERE on the wall, with my imaginary pocket knife that I didn’t bring with me. I have my regrets. Too many few to mention.

I googled sumo wrestling and door kicking.

Because I’m obvs a total weirdo : truth is, I’d actually fallen in love with the wee homemade hut my son had made, and the escape it gave me for a hot minute. But then, after I discovered that I couldn’t escape my escape hut (wait, where were we?)… it was game over. Let me tell you. There is a fine line between love and hate. Now you know why I need to travel with beer when walking our death trap property.

I was starting to worry that this would now be my forever home. I now hated the panic room I found myself hyperventilating in and wondering why I only brought one beer.
 


the great escape


I threw my body into the door. I horse kicked it from the rear. I took a run at it with all my might. I pounded. I got a sliver in my delicate Princess hand. I pleaded with the hut gods, and promised that I would start exercising and stop swearing … if …. just this once… I would be allowed to escape unscathed.

Ya no. Too late for hut prayers.


Then it happened. I kicked the door down. Yeah. I. Kicked. That. Wafer. Thin. Mofo. Door. Down.

It was a hollow, airy fairy door, and I don’t know why I’m admitting, in my outside voice, that the door was as light as a feather. Because I am super woman, hear me roar with my flimsy door. Still.


Just.Remember.This….Beyond the scary headlines, there is happiness and good news too.



I’m still here. Living my best scaredy-pants life with a husband with super shitty scary cancer, and kicking down doors. If I can do it, you can too.  Although, in hindsight… I did stare at a drunk racoon, fall in a river and inadvertently lock myself in a hut. My life choices are debatable sometimes.


Basically, what I am trying to say is this…..


When one door closes, another one opens. And if it doesn’t, kick that damn door down and drink a beer in your pajamas while you’re at it.

comfy

Annnnd if there is anything I know, it’s how to be comfy at home. In a cabin. In a hut or panic room. I’ve been practicing self isolation and living/working from home for a loooooong time. Uhhmm yeah, that’s my bra on the bed. I’m also the gal who sneezes three times right after she puts her mascara on. I, obvs, have this comfy thing down pat.


How I went for a walk, got locked in a hut and kicked a door down. In my pyjamas <—Then discovered my favourite loungewear. Because life is too short to wear uncomfortable clothes.


I feel like I’ve been training for this moment, my whole life. I know it’s possible to feel good (even during a crisis), and be comfy too.*

*Although the racoon may disagree.

 

What have I learned?


Happiness comes in the little things. Even in tragedy, the sun will still rise.  Find the good. Feel the love. Do the little things that make you feel good.


cozy

That, and life is just too short to wear uncomfortable clothes. We all need a little PICK ME UP these days, don’t we? Even internet window shopping & dreaming is a good pick me up. Tristan and I gathered up a few of our fave cozy things. Truth be told, we got so inspired internet window shopping, we bought some things too haha. *puts superwoman suit in online shopping cart, along with a bag of potato chips. The problem with the internet is that you can buy things in the middle of the night. If my husband asks, I bought nuttin’. Innocent. As usual. We cool? Good. Moving on.

Here is our all time fave curated collection of comfy cozy loungewear to wear around the house. Or backyard. Or for when you go for walks.


P.S. You can do your online shopping … wearing no makeup, no shirt, no problem. Try THAT in a mall.

P.S.S. I love you. That is all. What are you doing to cope? I need these details to thrive in life.

 

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Tanya Jankovic Ashton

Hi Lynne, I Look forward and absolutely always love reading your stories. Your writing is so whimsical and profound. I laugh, I cry and smile and relate….. Thank you! Your story reminds me of an incident that happened to me many moons ago….I actually broke open a front door once in Mexico City. I was in a building searching for a particular apartment of a Particular therapist (that I desperately needed to see) 🥺 when I came upon a door that wouldn’t budge so I pushed my whole body into it when low and behold I realized that I had… Read more »

Karen

Dear Lynne, Thanks as always for sharing so authentically and soulfully the snippets of your life! Your fears and your courage, your tears and your humour are welcome medicine and inspiration. I shared the link to your page with a dear friend whose partner has recently been diagnosed with cancer. He told me he tearfully read your entire blog and also watched the We CANcer Vive video–says he wants to re-read and re-watch both–your work is that powerful! Please never stop writing–your reach is beyond what you might ever know. I continue to walk our hundred acres too–and every time… Read more »

Maria from Oz

I once locked myself in my workroom. this is a 1950’s fibro under the house workroom with one door in and one door out. I had had wine…I admit it…I was flaming pissed as a cockatoo munching on fermented grapes in the height of summer. I stared at that bloody deadlock and thought, “Why???? Are deadlocks called deadlocks….oh wait…Oh yeah…coz I am dead!” No phone, totally out of earshot of neighbours, getting dark…and cold. So, I did what any mature 40 something smart woman would do – bawled like a baby. Curled up on the floor, hit play on my… Read more »

Gillian

Good days and bad, some scary, some not. I haven’t had a bra or makeup on in the past five weeks. Sweats, big sweaters, thick socks and sometimes flip flops. I’ve bought things online because I had the time to actually look. A friend sent me 3 novels to help with my book addiction. I was so touched, I sobbed when I tried to thank her. I really want to hug my son and his wife, and my friends. I want to laugh til it hurts. I am blessed in so many ways, it’s incredible really when you slow down… Read more »

Larry

👍⭐️❤️

Lin N

I love you. You are an amazing woman. I laugh at what you write and feel very much for you & Michael and what you are going thru. I figured cuz today was Sunday, it’s a day of rest…so instead of tackling the 2,846 1/2 tasks on my To Do List, I slept in and lounged about in bed til shower time. Then I decided on an easy inside task, other than doing laundry. Been screwing all morning…well technically sorting a mess of screws. Xmas Gift card to Cdn Tire, bought an organizer with 400 little drawers (actually 43) My… Read more »

Pgal

Love you dear Lynne you never cease to amaze me. Pxo

Bonbon242

Hey Lynne, coming from a wife of a cancer survivor I must say when I first read the words “stomp on cancer like it stole your wallet” it felt like someone had kicked IN the door of the hut I was hiding out in and dragged me out in to the bright light and fresh air. No one tells you how you are to approach cancer as a caregiver. There is no manual for handling this crap. “Smile and don’t let your loved one know your are struggling” is the worst advice ever uttered. It often feels like you could… Read more »

Gail or Aunt Gail

I’m sure we’re related…your sense of life, humour, drama, are all within each others pockets! Snuggly up, eat chocolate and giggle!!!! Xxx love you Aunt Gail.

Donna

Next time girl…a beer for each pocket! Keep thriving. Gardens, paintings, walks are what keeps me going right now. And face time with the loved ones.
Love you back.
;D

Barb

Life isn’t much better in Ohio right now either….low and behold I found this hunk of blubber under my Bra this morning,gads I know it wasn’t there yesterday,must be making tooo much of your bread recipe dipping it in oil and etc. ,and washing it down with wine.. I guess that has to go….the way things are now in this world I should be happy that’s all I have to complzin sbout.

From Barb another cancer survivor

Bev

Hi Lynn,sorry about the hut, door thing but would love to have seen a drunk skunk he sounds very happy….in this shite time of a pandemic that is cruel in its swathe across the world. I’ve started a memory quilt out of some of my daughters dresses when she was a toddler, it’s only taken me 20 years to get round to as she is 29 now!!!! I’ve done a postage stamp with little squares, now I have no frickin idea how to put them together but a lovely lady called Darlene on YouTube (she is American) filled me with… Read more »

denise c.

Too funny!! Got the visual loud and clear …. just like we were right there with you. Its gotta be true because you can’t even make this shit up????? Oh my – —hope you keep walking and keep experiencing all that life throws at you (I mean the good stuff). Hang in there. XOXO

( I Love cabins too 😉 )

Michelle

First time reader, dedicated now forever. You are right up there with my all time fave, Laurie Notaro!! That’s it just the 2 of you. Oh, and David Sedaris. That’s it. Just the three of you and I am happy and smiling. Thank you xo.

Jocelyn

A remarkable lady living a remarkable life…
To be keeping your spirits up is an inspiration to many who could be going through similar experiences. Well, maybe not the locking in a hut with only one beer kinda stuff, but you know the stuff.
Keep your spirits up Lynne!
I enjoy the updates and your humour!

Kim Faith

OMG….you are toooooooo funny!!!! Thanks for making me actually laugh out loud as I read this guilt free in my comfy pyjamas. I have quilts, embroidery, knitting, to keep me busy and I may even finish the Family Favourites cookbook and get those gazillion photos organised. I’ve been in training my whole life for this moment. Hang in there.

Kim Farrell

Oh my goodness, you are an amazing, inspirational women. I just got finished reading your blog, and I am so impressed with your way of dealing with things. I love how natural and wonderful you are, and at the same time how brave you are going through with that bullshit cancer. I hate cancer too, because it has taken my mother and my 39 year old baby sister. I feel your pain, I understand your way of coping, and understand how you are scared of losing the man of your dreams. Please know we are all here for you and… Read more »

Elena

Well said!❤️

Christine

You are the perfect person to have around in a crisis. You not only remember to bring the beer but, damn, you kicked down the f**king door. You have the best kind of spirit we all need right now! Then to top it off you curated the best list of comfy clothes to buy. Never met you but I love you! Continued on your post and fell in love with your counter stools. Thank you for this post today! Look forward to them and glad to hear Michael is still kicking cancer’s butt. It has been 7 weeks and counting… Read more »

make your saying into a t shirt.. When one door closes, another one opens. And if it doesn’t, kick the damn door down and drink a beer in your Pj’s while your at it! I find myself thinking about your family alot lately.. I pray for you all and this cancer journey that is yours to bear. Your children look like great humans and your so lucky to have them and they you.. Keep writing.. keep walking and keep knowing that your followers are with you… stay well.. xo Jan

Trudy Moye

Thanks so much for the laugh. I haven’t tried walking in my Jammie’s and coat with a beer. I think that might be my goal today. There aren’t any hunting huts but a few deer stands in our woods. But I don’t like heights so I think I’m safe. Thanks again for sharing your adventures.

My new motto.

When one door closes, another one opens. And if it doesn’t, kick that damn door down and drink a beer in your pajamas while you’re at it.

Your post brought me so much joy. I wish I could wave a magic wand, but I’m sure you already thought of that. Stay well. One day at a time. We can all do that, right?

Thank you! love your words and your style (still aspiring to both)

Shawna

Loved the story. I could so see that happening! I’ve thought about hiding for a while in one of our hunting huts but I will think twice about the risks with doing that! Haha! I have been trying to hug a baby sheep every day in my pj’s to help me feel like the world is going to be ok. Your homemade Baileys recipe has given me some comfort lately too. Wishing you all the best.
Shawna

Jill

You are fearfully and wonderfully made! ( unless of course you happen to be a serial killer, but I don’t think they wear pajamas)
Sending love and prayers your way.

Linda C Johnston

I read every word twice. I laughed, I cried a little (know all about that cancer shit), and connected with every single word. Just thought I would let you know that someone out here in cyber land really adores you. That would be me! Thank you for the reality and giggles. Be safe and stay healthy.

Hi Lynne, Michael and fam!
Sometimes there truly is nothing more funny than real life! I know … we’ve raised 5 sons. I’ve often thought (way before reality TV was a thing) if a camera crew followed us around, we’d have a hit comedy on our hands.
Thank you for sharing you and your fam with us … hugs and love to you all.

Jen

Your a wonderful trail blazer for your family. Keep carrying that torch!
Xo

Rita Kolycius

It’s me again Lynne. Just wanted to let u know that I
AM PRAYING for Michael and his and your journey thru the fuck cancer. My sister and I are both survivors and Sisters United in prayer for others so we got u guys covered! Yes it’s hard. Just keep Prayin’ . He seems like a awesome guy….
BTW. I am a pediatrician for special needs kids here in Collingwood. My sec and I pray together for our patients every day. Just saying..

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