Merry HoHo ~ 'Tis the season to check your balls - Design The Life You Want To Live ®

Merry HoHo ~ ‘Tis the season to check your balls

Dec 13

Have a holly jolly #Christmas and read some Christmas #funnies via @lynneknowlton https://lynneknowlton.com/merry-christmas-funnies/

‘Tis the season to be tralalalala jolly

… fa la la la la…lalalalalalalaaaaa…

Whatever.

 

Have you ever noticed that Christmas season multiplies everything by ten thousand million?? It magnifies everything to the ennnth degree of ridiculousness.

Such seriousness takes the fun outta Christmas.

Let’s practice the art of …. Take it easy.

 

Let’s have some fun.

 

I dare you to scream this out loud in the shopping mall ….  CHILL it, peeps !  

Yeah.  I knew you and I would be friends.   You are talking my kind of language.  I could shop with you all the live long day.

 

We could hand out Xanax to shoppers ~ little chill pill candies.  We’d wish everyone a hairy mistress errrh Merry Christmas.  I think you and I could write a shopping mall survival guide.

Have a holly jolly #Christmas and read some Christmas #funnies via @lynneknowlton https://lynneknowlton.com/merry-christmas-funnies/

 

Do you know what is great about a shopping mall at Christmas season?  Neither do I.

 

10 Ways to Know if You are in a Shopping Mall during Christmas season :

 

 

1.     Your hair is in permanent static cling mode.

 

 

2.     It’s called a mall, because torture chamber was taken.   Malls are like bad relationships.  Every time you are in one, you want out.

 

 

3.    People have big plates of crazy for lunch in the food court.

 

 

4.    The smell of a cinnabon { Sin-a-bun }  will definitely waif past your nose.  Try with all your might not to eat it.  Dare you.  Double dog dare you.  It’s a carbalicious danger zone.  The sugar in that little hot mess can shut down your immune system for  half a century, BUT you will get all your shopping done.  It’s sugar dope.

 

 

5.    Shopping for a dress to wear? Why are they all made with short sleeves and short hemlines?  When did nylons go out of style?  Why do your legs suddenly feel so white and hairy?  For the record, I’m not doling out any pointers on nylons.  I tried a pair on this morning.  It was horrifying.  I fell on my face twice.  It’s like playing a game of twister in a booby-trapped legging of a straight jacket.  Oh, you like nylons?  Open your mouth,there’s something in there.  It’s called bullshit.

 

6.    I love malls.   Not in a mall way.   In a  ‘I want to punch fellow shoppers in the face‘  way.

I want to plow people like an Ontario driveway in the winter.  That bad.

I can say that with confidence.  This is my driveway today…

 

Have a holly jolly #Christmas and read some Christmas #funnies via @lynneknowlton https://lynneknowlton.com/merry-christmas-funnies/

 

If I can get out of my driveway, I can do anything !

7.     I think all mall parking lots should come equipped with taser zappers to be used on people who steal parking spaces.  We could be cowboy taser slingers.  After the bastard fellow shopper steals the parking space, we could give them a 2 second warning.   Move their beastly car or get tasered.   I’m just kidding.  Not really.  Seriously.

 

You’re a weenie.  And you might be my new best friend.  I like how you roll.

 

 

8.    Do you ever notice that malls force you to hide the bitchy tone in your face?   You want to smack people, and yet you say “have a Merry Christmas”.  Okay, maybe only Canadians do that.  We are friendly, don’tcha know?  This, coming from the gal who suggests tasers in parking lots. Hmmm. Ha!

 

 

9.     Dear people in malls,

Kindness is always fashionable.

You should try that on for size.

Or get tasered.

Just sayin’.

 

 

10.     Malls at Christmas time are why we drink.  I like good things and dislike bad things … unless that bad thing is spiked eggnog.

Jonesin’ for an egg nog?    It doesn’t matter if the glass is half empty or half full.  There is clearly still more room for rum.  Drink that egg nog.  You deserve it.   You just survived a shopping mall.

 

 

Do you drink well with others?  Don’t answer that.  It’s a trick question.  It’s Christmas time.  Just drink.

Need some help?   This is my favourite homemade baileys recipe in the whole wide world.  Spike your coffee.  Do the hustle.  This baileys is d’bomb dot com.   You will never buy bottled Bailey’s again.  It’s that delicious.  You know I wouldn’t lie to you.   Not this week, anyway.

 

Click on the photo below for my get drunk secret family recipe :

 

The best #Homemade bailey's #recipe. It's delicious !!! Get the recipe here --> https://lynneknowlton.com/homemade-baileys-recipe-that-will-knock-your-christmas-stockings-off/[pinit]

You’re welcome.

 

 

Lynne Interrupted ~ awesome links to great reads on the internet.

 

Before you dip into that lusciousness and get looped, you should know that cool stuff happened on the internet.  I couldn’t resist sharing …

 

 

“ What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day. ”

Phyllis Diller

 

 

” The worst gift is a fruitcake.  There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other. “

Johnny Carson

 

 

Have a holly jolly #Christmas and read some Christmas #funnies via @lynneknowlton https://lynneknowlton.com/merry-christmas-funnies/

 

Want to get crafty?  Snicker.

 

 

1.    These plaster votives are dang sexy.  Get crafty and make me one.

Here’s my address :

Lynne Knowlton

RR2 Durham,

Ontario, Canada

N0G 1R0

Send me a present or a Christmas card.  In case you are wondering, I prefer pressies.

 

2.    I tried this DIY of garland and christmas gift tags  Hola.  FAB.

 

3.    This will make you want to run out and buy a wood burning kit.  Okay, so I ran out and bought one.  Make etched snowflake ornaments in birch.   I only burnt my finger twenty-nine thousand times.  Now you know why I drink.  So there.

 

4.    The simplicity of this paper bag and chalkboard advent calendar  is saaahweet.  I only just started mine this week and turned it into the 12 days of Christmas.  I’m LATE.  It’s official.  I will be late for my own funeral.

 

 

‘Tis the season to check your balls and deck the halls.

 

Do it tipsy.

 

 

Ohhhh, and while you are tipsy…

Sign up for a weekly update from the bloggy.   It’s free.   It’s easy.  Just like you.  I heard that about you.

 

Enter your email for free updates on the #blog. Fabulous #DIY projects, #funnies and coolio home decor ideas via @lynneknowlton

Cool things  happen when you subscribe to the blog, like less static cling in your hair.

 

 

PS.

In case I haven’t told you lately, I love having you here.  Thank you.  Thank you.  Thank you for chilling on the bloggy with me.  

 

 

Merry HoHo giddy up and goGo,

 

Happy Merry everything

 

                                              Love from Miss.Chevious,

Lynne

 

Share this blog post and spread the cheer with your peeps.   Need a Christmas check list for a reminder?

Here you go,  print a Christmas wish list for some jollies.

Have a holly jolly #Christmas and read some Christmas #funnies via @lynneknowlton https://lynneknowlton.com/merry-christmas-funnies/

What are your goals this Christmas season?  Share with sugar bear.  Talk to me.  I’m listening in the comment section.   Tell me a funny story.  I have the attention span of a cocker spaniel puppy.   Make it a good one.   No pressure, or anything.

My goal is to ;

Write less.  Read more.  Talk less.  Listen more.

So far, it’s an epic fail.   It is time to drink yet?

 

Leave me a comment or send me a present.  The choice is all yours.

Note :  I’m easy to send a gift to, I like everything.

 

 

Have a holly jolly #Christmas and read some Christmas #funnies via @lynneknowlton https://lynneknowlton.com/merry-christmas-funnies/

 

 

 

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  1. cynthia

    December 16th, 2013 at 12:02 am

    I wanna drink tea with you and Carol!

  2. Lynne Knowlton

    December 16th, 2013 at 10:11 am

    Let’s do it Cynthia,

    Only one trick… we have to hop on a plane and get to Australia.

    No probs. The land down under is pretty gorgeous. Let’s fly that plane 🙂

  3. most lovely things

    December 16th, 2013 at 7:21 am

    lynne….you. are hilarious. I’ve been all over your blog this morning….I also believe in painting everything white. Love your kitchen! Thanks for sending friends (your readers) my way.! Hope you have a great week!
    annie

  4. Lynne Knowlton

    December 16th, 2013 at 10:13 am

    Well that makes us even Steven Annie.

    I was all over your blog like white on rice for days on end. Mostly, I drooled … enjoyed… and got über inspired.

    Keep doing what you are doing. It rocks!!

    Smooch
    Lynne xx

  5. Tami

    December 17th, 2013 at 12:03 pm

    Another reason to love NYC… nearly mall free. Shop local, shop less, drink more bailey’s. Fabulous post Lynne!

  6. Lynne Knowlton

    December 19th, 2013 at 8:43 am

    So true Tami!

    That’s it, next year we are ‘shopping it out’ together in NYC. You must take me to your fave spots. First, we will practice chillaxin’ in the treehouse in the summer …then we will practice retail chillaxin’ in the winter.

    Sounds like a plan to me 🙂

    Much love, Lynne xx

  7. tamikj

    December 17th, 2013 at 12:07 pm

    Need a laugh (and a Bailey’s recipe)? Merry HoHo ~ ‘Tis the season to check your balls – http://t.co/6NwKhYaXa3 via @lynneknowlton

  8. Tara @ Suburble

    December 19th, 2013 at 1:40 am

    Lynne – you are fabulousness and a splash of Bailey’s in my tea. (So yeah – THAT good!)

    Also, I think that malls are the devil’s playground at Christmas time. I was recently in a shop and watched a woman nearly lose her mind because she mis-read a sale sign.

    Honey… step away from the underpaid seasonal worker. Leave her alone. She’s not the marketing dep’t for this store.

    (Meanwhile, I’m not even half ready for Christmas….. eep!)

  9. Lynne Knowlton

    December 19th, 2013 at 8:41 am

    The devils playground. hahahhahaaaa. Good one, Tara !! Step away from the cashier. Step away. LOL !!! Have a Merry HoHo girly ! xx

  10. Patricia

    December 19th, 2013 at 7:08 pm

    Luuuurrrrv your driveway Lynne…………… (& the house & treehouse) – just saying xxx
    No need to shop in a mall anymore, just take a WestJet flight and receive exciting gifts at the end of your flight! Did you see the YouTube clip? Fabulous. I’m still making your Bailey’s and gifting them but the only trouble is I keep getting asked for more! Feel like Oliver Twist!

  11. Lynne Knowlton

    December 21st, 2013 at 7:58 am

    Guess what Patricia ?!!

    Now that you are making baileys, peeps will ask you for it every year !!

    Too funny. It’s been happening to me for about 25 years now AND you think I joke. LOL !!

    Truth !

    Merry Cheery Christmas !! xx

  12. AwesomelyOZ

    December 20th, 2013 at 7:56 pm

    It’s always time to drink – especially during this time. I don’t like malls period, but especially during this time so I avoid with great effort. I will shove and push some people, I’m not nice if I’m moody so it’s best to avoid those crowds. I dislike crowds anyway, unless I’m at a concert that’s different, these types of crowds at the mall SUCK. Thank God for online shopping – which you can do with an Irish Coffee or Mimosa (just sayin’ it’s good to have options). A very merry Christmas to you and yours Lynne! -Iva

  13. Courtney

    December 23rd, 2013 at 8:14 am

    Merry Christmas, Lynne. Hope it’s a great one. xx

  14. Lynne Knowlton

    December 24th, 2013 at 12:38 pm

    Merry Christmas to you too Courtney,

    It was so lovely to get to know you and spend time with you this year. Much love!! Lynne xx

  15. cynthia

    December 23rd, 2013 at 5:41 pm

    The thermometer says 32 degrees. The wind chill says 15. Is it a bad sign that I was sick of heavy coats back around Thanksgiving? But it’s the day before the night before Christmas, and I’ve fed my last party-goer, well, until Friday. And Saturday. And the Saturday after that. Okay, well, the point is that between now and then, I have three, count them, three whole days off, and one of them is Christmas. The oven is heating to finally get some baking done for my friends (because there’s no minute like the last minute, right?), and while waiting, I just made a cup of tea laced with cognac in your honor. Cheers, Lynne, and a very Merry Christmas you and your family!

  16. Lynne Knowlton

    December 24th, 2013 at 12:37 pm

    There IS no minute like the last minute Cynthia 🙂 Have the best Christmas ever.

    With much love,
    Lynne xx

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