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Man ohhh man –> MEN. 40 things your Mom didn’t tell you about MEN

Man ohhh man --> MEN. 40 things your Mom didn't tell you about MEN via @lynneknowlton


A picture speaks a thousand words.  Hahaha !!! Guess what?  I did not set this shot up.  This is normal life in our household.  Nakedness in a chair.

I can’t make this shit up.

This photo of Michael pretty much captures what living with a man is all about, don’t you think?

Say yes, or get slapped with a pork chop.

We need to stop expecting normal from men.  We all know that it’s never going to happen.  Normal wouldn’t be funny anyway.  They are weird in an oh so awesome way.  That’s okay.  Normal is the new boring. 

40 Strange But True Facts About Men

1.    If you shake your groove thing in front of a man,  you’re pretty much guaranteed to have anything you want.

2.    Men enjoy long romantic walks to the beer fridge.

3.     Men waste thousands of gallons of fuel every year, driving around while not asking for directions.

4.     Men can slip into a coma while sitting in a retail store chair waiting for you to come out of the fitting room.

5.     50% of men claim they would feel comfortable if their girlfriend had a lesbian lover.   Ohh.  Emmm. Geeeh.

6.     Putting toilet paper on the roll is not common sense, it’s a super power.  Apparently only women have this magical power.

7.     For the love of Pete, what is the big deal about golf ?!  It’s a big patch of grass with a little dimpled ball… MmmKay.

8.     Men roll their eyes at words like “commitment, and change the toilet paper roll “

9.     If you find dirty socks and underwear near-to or semi-near the hamper, there is a man nearby.

10.    A woman speaks about 7,000 words a day; a man speaks about 2,000.

11.     If it’s attention that you want, don’t get in a relationship with a man during playoff season.

12.    Men do things that make us go aaaackkkkkk and make us go ahhhhhhhhh all at once.   How weird.


13.    The front lawn is the Holy Land.   It’s not to be messed with.

14.     Men like gadgets with lots of fancy shiny black buttons.  It makes them feel dang important.

15.     Dear men, your Mother is not a saint.  A saint would have taught you to put the lid down.

16.      When men talk with food in their mouth, it makes you want to reach right across the table and slap them with a hot dog while mumbling the word wanker under your breath.

Man oh man, men. Funny facts about men. | LynneKnowlton.com

17.      If men make the bed and do the laundry, we will gasp.

18.     Enough already with the combover.  It has never once fooled anyone into thinking you have hair.  Never.  Not once.  Ever.  In the history of ever.

19.    Breathing like a normal person seems like no biggie to women.  For the love of all things holy..

Dear, grizzly Adams… what the hell is up with your snoring?

You can shake down a small village with that roar.

20.     It’s easier for a man to buy a bathing suit :

Women have two types :   depressing and more depressing.

Men have two types :   sexy-cool and a horrific-speedo.

21.    Booby kryptonite :  Dear men, they are just boobs.  Breathe.  Do you want to know who else has boobs?  Your Mom.

22.    It’s funny how men are brave enough to go to war, but shudder at the thought of a bikini wax.

23.    Men would rather take a bullet than pick up tampons at the grocery store.

24.     After a bottle of champagne, they start licking faces.  It makes you want to punch them and kiss them all at once.

25.     Men like to barbecue.  They suddenly like to cook if danger and fire are involved.  Weird how that happens.

26.     Let’s face it, they go a little bit bonkers if you don’t change the oil in your car.  Whatevs.  Oil schmoil.

27.     Bad boys are like cupcakes.  They are delicious for two nibbles and then you start to hate yourself.

28.     Getting a man organized is like herding a cat or pushing a rope uphill.

29.     You can praise them, but go easy on the pedal or Mr. Stud muffin will puff up like a peacock.

30.     Honest to Pete… do you have an unfinished project in your household that can only be completed by a man !?!  Light it on fire.
 

31.     Men drink well with others and don’t need any coaxing or provocation.

32.     Most men have a disease.  It’s called open-cupboard-itis.  It can also be commonly referred to as open-drawer-itis.  Even when dealt with swiftly, this contagious disease re-occurs over and over again.

Lather.  Rinse.  Repeat.

33.     Poor man-baby, you’re sick.  Pam, can you call my Mom ?

34.     Crying in front of a man, is technically blackmail.  Use sparingly and only in an emergency.  Be prepared to look like a hot mess for it to truly be effective.

35.     Most men own three pairs of shoes.  Tops.  Don’t ask them for fashion advice.  It isn’t going to happen.  

Unless you’re naked.
 
 

36.    Truth bomb :  Women don’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret models.  Men don’t act like soap opera dudes.  

Love them anyway.

37.     If something can be interpreted in two ways, and one of the ways makes a woman sad or angry… generally, a man meant the other one.  

Happy wife, happy life. 

38.     Whenever possible, say whatever you have to say during playoff commercials only.  Then.  And only then.

Any other time… all bets are off.

39.     Don’t ask them what they’re thinking.  Men can think about nothing for hours.

40.    How to love a man :

There, tucked in neatly between the messy, pain in the ass moments with a man… you will find the sweet spot.

The beautiful soul.  The kind heart.

The man, who would lay down his life for you.  Especially if you were naked.

That is love.

PS.  Dear men, we luvs you.  xo    MWAH !!!  Most importantly, my lovely blog readers.. you should know that this post was written with LOVE and LAUGHS.  I adore adore adore my hubby with every bit of my soul.  He is my everything.  It’s been 25 years of amazing love so far.  You can read more about my hubby here. <– Warning: it’s a bit sad but filled with love. xo


Now it’s your turn.  Lemme have it in the comments.  Tell me your funny facts about men… let’s keep the list rolling.


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Lacey scarlet

I luv this and its all true men are men no matter how funny and weird they are its our job to love them BUT making sure their not cheating on , it hurts more then anything when facing the truth

amanda lorts

I love your writing style! It’s direct (but not unfiltered), astute, a lil precocious, and reflective of a fantastic sense of humor! And…quadruple points for correct spelling and grammar!!
Thanks for the refreshingly real perspective and having the balls to be exactly who you are!

Mb

Ok so I am with this guy and we’ve been dating for a few short weeks. I bring him to my neighborhood kayak shop and as we walk outside a seagull starts to squawk. He squawks back. Not once but three or four times! I literally have to say OK and walk away dismissively to get him to stop. It made me crazy and not in a good way. Sorry nothing gooey or sweet about that! A very few hours later he takes a banana from the “free bananas for children under 10” basket at the super Market and eats… Read more »

Robert

This isn’t funny. I get men can take a joke and I am definitely one of them but this just seems like man bashing. It started off funny but the more my wife and I read the more we were turned off.

Amy

How old is this post? Never mind, I must add …
Men have certain standards – like showing you how to use a tool properly, (“No woman, you’re doing it wrong, let me show you…”). Use this to your advantage. For example:
If you dont feel like doing it yourself, use a butter knife instead of a screwdriver. Works every time. I swear..

Gerry Fultz

Men purposely sabotage the laundry so that they never have to do it again.

Tommie

I thought it was insightful and true but on the same token they r their best when us wemen are with them

Kathleen Collier

Okay, here goes. 1. My man gets the ‘deer-in-headlight” look when my conversation is longer than two sentences. 2. Hanging up clothes means throwing it on the floor or over a bedroom chair, nearest dresser, cat’s tower, or one of the sleeping dogs. Sheesh. 3. Not remembering where he left his weekly spending cash, or how much he used of that cash. Double sheesh. 4. Forgets to fill up the vehicle after driving all over town to get a new tool/lumber/landscape plants. 5. Would rather use up gasoline driving all over town to get the best price for a new… Read more »

This was absolutely the best! Nov. 19th is International Men’s Day and I found your blog and linked it to my FB for some wholesome laughs! You asked for funny things about men? My husband has a one-track mind. One night he couldn’t sleep so he kept talking and talking to me, which would make any woman happy but 1) he was talking about whether or not to sell his boat, and 2) I was very tired and wanted some sleep. So I thought “I’ll make him tired.” So I came onto him and we had, ahem, you know, “relations.”… Read more »

[…] Man ohhh man –> MEN. 40 things your Mom didn’t tell you about MEN […]

Man ohhh man –> MEN. 40 things your Mom didn’t tell you about MEN https://t.co/b09NsZ2lOQ

Gracious goodness these are funny and genuine.
I have taken in this: since they have a heap of garments on the floor, does not mean they are messy.
Track jeans can sit on the floor by the bed for a considerable length of time at my home and on the off chance that I lift it up and place it in the hamper I get asked:
“why did you do that? They were spotless and I needed to wear them at this moment!” Ugh.

Thanks for sharing

Thanks
~Adam Bennett

Cyndye Batchelor

My son posted on facebook last week that if men didn’t exist, the toilet paper would never make it on the roll. I thought he was just being sarcastic because no matter how I hammered my guys, they couldn’t put a roll on an empty roller. Then his wife piped up. Turns out she doesn’t make the bed or do laundry either. I knew my son was Mr Mom, but did not realize just how much! He makes his mother proud. At least one of them does. Youngest son is a pig, and hubby just doesn’t understand that sitting on… Read more »

monique laviolette

you are very very funny

[…] poop rosy roses.  We are perfect.  Angelic, really.  ‘Nuff said.  Men ohhhhh Men are notorious for detonating some seriously foul bathroom bombs.  You know it.   So shut […]

[…] have smelly poop.  We poop rosy roses.  We are perfect.  Angelic, really.  ‘Nuff said.  Men ohhhhh Men are notorious for detonating some seriously foul bathroom bombs.  You know it.   So shut […]

Zachary Owen

Men love accepting and understanding woman like you Lynne. (At least I do XD) – Im showing you my honesty

Emily

hey my name is Emily lol

Digant

Emily,let’s go out for a coffee?

hi… it’s funny, but still, i suddenly understand some things about men. is there more? to me, they are both idiots and geniuses at the same time… >-<

7 times when girls say “why should boys have all the fun?” | Somewherelost http://goo.gl/wuGocg

they made me laugh……………………..well said though

Brent

You half to change the oil in your car because if you don’t, your car will brake and if that happens then the guy will half to pay for it because girls dont pay for anything.

40 things your mom didn’t tell you about MEN http://t.co/USv8geAwfk http://t.co/48ThKT0ZRw

[…] now that we are mentioning a stick pole with two thingies.. you might want to read my post about men. […]

Man ohhh man –> MEN. 40 things your Mom didn’t tell you about MEN http://t.co/c92pwlUINK

[…] have met Michael here <– (sad, not funny) and on the blog here too <– (not sad, supes funny.)   There’s even a video of him here where he talks about […]

Men loves upgrading bike/car than buying a new underwear :))

well it is costly..lol

Madison

I really enjoyed reading your article 🙂 The list you made was entertaining and somewhat of an accurate depiction 🙂 1) Guys can tease you about your embarrassing moments, but they’re very accepting of your flaws. Sometimes guys are easier to impress than girls are because of all the competition 2) Guys are pretty honest about what they want. Sometimes their honesty even gets them in trouble with their girlfriend/wife 3) They unknowingly hurt a girl’s feelings and spend a good three hours apologizing profusely & trying to make it up to them 4) They can spend hours in front… Read more »

Anwesha

and one more thing that i’d recently experienced……they get jealous quite easily ….my closest guy friend made fun of me ,..like…every twenty seconds, and then when i started to give him the cold shoulder and paying another guy friend much more attention, i could,…… like,……. ‘smell something burning in the air’ and it was his fine derriere!!!!!……..awesome post! i split my sides with laughter

Kerry - South Africa

I’ve picked up a few things about men along the way, whether it was my father, brother, friends or lovers. Here’s what I’ve noticed – * They love to “suggest” to you how to do things, but hate listening to suggestions * Whoever they are, where ever they are from – they like food. Usually lots of it! But will be quick to tell you that you are making them fat while taking another cookie….or two * They wont remember half of what they’ve said when half-asleep, intoxicated, angry or turned on. But they can recite word for word the… Read more »

a lovely female

This article is sexist towards men. I think if a man made an article like this saying we’re controlling and we can’t make up our minds we’d be all ” that’s so offensinive, boo hoo”. I think we should give men the same respect that we want.

Kerry - South Africa

I think, just for the fun of it, you should do a top 40 list of strange but true funny facts about women, I’d love to read it!

Flubbert

It isn’t sexist towards men. It just gives women something to laugh about that we can all agree on. I bet if men saw this that they would laugh as well just like stupid things women do too.

Tracie Berry

In the words of my recently departed Ma…”Get a grip!” I realize this is an old post, and it may appear that I am stalking a little bit, but really? That’s what you took away from Lynn’s post? Sexist towards men is never going to be what you would ever find here. p.s. I have always had problems making up my mind, and I need my guy as my gps, or I would never get anywhere! Not trying to be cruel, but sheesh, have a sense of humour…

DB

Thank you for reminding me why I live alone.

Christine

Had to laugh out loud.
As a yoga teacher, I can tell you that evidently Downward Dog is a come on to every man, everywhere. Tell a man you’re a yoga teacher and their first question, asked is a very husky, “Can you put your legs behind your head?”

Men also don’t necessarily speak English. My ex- spoke “Rich Speak” which had nothing to do with the common language. Partially explains the ex- part.

Every man’s dream companion is the dog that gets beer out of the fridge for him.

Oh, there are so many more! Excellent post.

ria

Super not funny aha

Dan

This was entertaining, thank you. I do believe you’ve described boys, not men, though.

hahaha I am killing myself laughing. i didn’t realize cupboarditis was a wordly thing! I thought I was the only one who got to experience it! I feel so understood!

ps I just found your blog. Awesomeness from one Torontonian to another!

This is the best blog post I have ever read in my entire life. I got linked up to you through the Sweet Escape’s trip to your treehouse which is just about as amazing as this post. Thanks for making me laugh out loud in a waiting room in front of strangers. Best part of my day 🙂

chris aka monkey

read all of these comments too glad someone mention farting. i think it is hysterical to watch them from a safe distance, as they do their different poses for farting the leg lift, the finger point etc loving this blog lynne xx

Debbie Perkins

O. M. G. You know my husband…I laughed out loud reading it this morning, after I walked into the bathroom and saw my 20 yr old’s boxers and shorts in front of the toilet by the huge clothes basket. Bad aim? Can’t ring a toilet bowl or the clothes basket. ick. I love the humor that you have. Ahhh, another “twisted sister” someone who thinks like me. God blessed us with this particular sense of humor to help us cope. Thank you, God. Keep me laughing, and give me awesome ideas. Love you from the Deep South, Heart of Dixie.… Read more »

Debbie Perkins

Sorry. Grammar correction. “is just” not i jut. Yes, I’m Southern, and I can spell. Just not when I am laughing. 🙂

Well #30 is probably the best advice I’ve gotten in forever. Gotta run now, I need to find some matches……

Just found you via LeadPages.

I am a man and I find this post offensive. While reading these, I looked deep into my character and ONLY 33 of them applied to me.

If the title was “4o Give or Take Things Your Mom Didn’t Tell You About Men” then I guess I would be okay on this.

Other than that, I put your blog in my RSS Reader and begrudgingly put it in my favorites section.

LOL This is fabulous! I found your link on Lisa Thomson Lives blog and glad I clicked over. You’re hilarious! Definitely passing this one along! LMAO

[…] 40 Funny Facts about Men. […]

This is great! Loved finding and catching up with everything you’ve written! PS I nominated you on my blog for the Very Inspiring Blogger award – http://rvhoneymoon.com/2014/05/26/very-inspiring-blogger-award/

Keira

Just found you blog and you are full on monkey balls to the wall hysterical! My hubs and I are not in a great place right now… 17 years of marriage, he works 24 hour work shifts as a firefighter/paramedic, he was gone 2.5 years during 2 deployments to Iraq, 3 kids who are now all teenagers and psycho in-laws make for a rough ride. Now my husband say’s I ‘micro manage’ him too much and need to give him some control in our household/life… all this from a man who smells underwear/socks laying on the floor to see if… Read more »

[…] -> MEN. 40 things your Mom didn’t tell you about MEN’. It didn’t take much reading of the ’40 Strange But True Facts About Men’ to get a laugh out of me which had Paul curious. So I shared one with him – 6. Putting toilet […]

Lol, this is great!! All true about mine especially the boob part!

Oh, that first photo… : ]

New reader, newly REmarried and new stepmom to 3 boys (all over 18). I am amazed at the lack of visual sight! If they open a drawer, cabinet or frig they cannot SEE the contents…”where’s the OJ”, “where’s the salt” or “where’s the scissors” (fyi top drawer, right side, first slot, only two items in that spot for the last year). My other head shake is the dropping of clothes, EVERYWHERE. There are clothes on every surface around the house, floors, countertops, beds, sofa, bedroom, stairs, garage…outside and inside. Love the first photo! I use to dress like that too… Read more »

Man ohhh man -> MEN. 40 things your Mom didn’t tell you about MEN http://t.co/uteGPxDhjg via @lynneknowlton

RT @victoriaEbarnes: 40 things Mom didn’t tell you about MEN. @lynneknowlton that FIRST PHOTO IS PRICELESS (Paul would kill me) http://t.co…

40 things Mom didn’t tell you about MEN. @lynneknowlton that FIRST PHOTO IS PRICELESS (Paul would kill me) http://t.co/jfrehpTeT1 via

@Lifeovereasy @lynneknowlton Spousal Overunit says I have 1 or 2 uses <g> so she keeps me around,

#36 Science, aka the internet, has proven that women order the cotton jammies from Victoria’s Secret. Who the eff can sleep or breathe or fold laundry in an offing corset?

Lynne, you are SO plumbing a profoundly deep mine here. Are you prepared for years of comments?

@TheWizardGuy I’m with @lynneknowlton gotta keep you guys around 😉

@lynneknowlton you gotta laugh, that’s for sure!

the main reason I am with my Southern Man…first time we met…prepping some food… he completely seeded and cut up a whole cantaloupe into bite size pieces and cleanup up his mess! I was beyond stunned…has worn off a little in 15 years but still…
and doesn”t have leave-the-cupboard-door-open-itis…has leave-the-hallway-light-on-itis…
but its all good! thanks Lynne

Awhh we LOVE men @TheWizardGuy @Lifeovereasy Men are fun,entertaining & keep us on our toes http://t.co/uCCTlS8f3W http://t.co/hUp9642FEK

@lynneknowlton @Lifeovereasy I feel so useless after reading that blog post <g>. Glad somebody loves me!

Don’t they always keep us entertained? LOL 🙂 @Lifeovereasy 40 things your Mom didn’t tell you about MEN http://t.co/uCCTlS8f3W

lol! So true – men love shiny gadgets and they’re very simple. Men seriously don’t like asking for directions – at least I’m a side seat driver so he’s going to hear it whether he likes it or not, then I can say “i was right” 😛 Lovely list and enjoy the naked man in your room 🙂 Have a great one Lynne! -Iva

I STILL remember the day (living in the SF Bay Area) in November (cold, rain, fog) that Oliver said, wearing cutoffs and literally nothing else, “I’m a little cold, so I’m going to turn the heat up.” Said I, “No, you’re GOING TO PUT SOME CLOTHES ON LIKE A SANE PERSON!” RE #6: At my sister’s house one day, I changed the toilet paper roll and upon emerging from the bathroom, mentioned to her that I’d used the last roll of toilet paper. She turned to me open-mouthed, and gasped, “You CHANGED the toilet paper?!?!” Another time I walked into… Read more »

Man ohhh man -> MEN. 40 things your Mom didn’t tell you about MEN http://t.co/G5BibMiSDX via @lynneknowlton

Sheila

Men’s idea of doing laundry is to sniff their underwear and shirts to do a smell check!

Denise Erickson

YESS! Or he’ll hold it out at arm’s length and say, “Smell this for me will ya?”

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