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We need to stop expecting normal from men.  We all know that it’s never going to happen.  Normal wouldn’t be funny anyway.  They are weird in an oh so awesome way.  That’s okay.  Normal is the new boring. 

40 Strange But True Facts About Men

1.    If you shake your groove thing in front of a man,  you’re pretty much guaranteed to have anything you want.

2.    Men enjoy long romantic walks to the beer fridge.

3.     Men waste thousands of gallons of fuel every year, driving around while not asking for directions.

4.     Men can slip into a coma while sitting in a retail store chair waiting for you to come out of the fitting room.

5.     50% of men claim they would feel comfortable if their girlfriend had a lesbian lover.   Ohh.  Emmm. Geeeh.

6.     Putting toilet paper on the roll is not common sense, it’s a super power.  Apparently only women have this magical power.

7.     For the love of Pete, what is the big deal about golf ?!  It’s a big patch of grass with a little dimpled ball… MmmKay.

8.     Men roll their eyes at words like “commitment, and change the toilet paper roll “

9.     If you find dirty socks and underwear near-to or semi-near the hamper, there is a man nearby.

10.    A woman speaks about 7,000 words a day; a man speaks about 2,000.

11.     If it’s attention that you want, don’t get in a relationship with a man during playoff season.

12.    Men do things that make us go aaaackkkkkk and make us go ahhhhhhhhh all at once.   How weird.

13.    The front lawn is the Holy Land.   It’s not to be messed with.

14.     Men like gadgets with lots of fancy shiny black buttons.  It makes them feel dang important.

15.     Dear men, your Mother is not a saint.  A saint would have taught you to put the lid down.

16.      When men talk with food in their mouth, it makes you want to reach right across the table and slap them with a hot dog while mumbling the word wanker under your breath.

17.      If men make the bed and do the laundry, we will gasp.

18.     Enough already with the combover.  It has never once fooled anyone into thinking you have hair.  Never.  Not once.  Ever.  In the history of ever.

19.    Breathing like a normal person seems like no biggie to women.  For the love of all things holy..

Dear, grizzly Adams… what the hell is up with your snoring?

You can shake down a small village with that roar.

20.     It’s easier for a man to buy a bathing suit :

Women have two types :   depressing and more depressing.

Men have two types :   sexy-cool and a horrific-speedo.

21.    Booby kryptonite :  Dear men, they are just boobs.  Breathe.  Do you want to know who else has boobs?  Your Mom.

22.    It’s funny how men are brave enough to dirt bike up a mountain, but shudder at the thought of a bikini wax.

23.    Men would rather take a bullet than pick up tampons at the grocery store.

24.     After a bottle of champagne, they start licking faces.  It makes you want to punch them and kiss them all at once.

25.     Men like to barbecue.  They suddenly like to cook if danger and fire are involved.  Weird how that happens.

26.     Let’s face it, they go a little bit bonkers if you don’t change the oil in your car.  Whatevs.  Oil schmoil.

27.     Bad boys are like cupcakes.  They are delicious for two nibbles and then you start to hate yourself.

28.     Getting a man organized is like herding a cat or pushing a rope uphill.

29.     You can praise them, but go easy on the pedal or Mr. Stud muffin will puff up like a peacock.

30.     Honest to Pete… do you have an unfinished project in your household that can only be completed by a man !?!  Light it on fire.

31.     Men drink well with others and don’t need any coaxing or provocation.

32.     Most men have a disease.  It’s called open-cupboard-itis.  It can also be commonly referred to as open-drawer-itis.  Even when dealt with swiftly, this contagious disease re-occurs over and over again.

Lather.  Rinse.  Repeat.

33.     Poor man-baby, you’re sick.  Pam, can you call my Mom ? This may be the best ad/commercial in the history of ever…

34.     Crying in front of a man, is technically blackmail.  Cry sparingly and only in an emergency.  Be prepared to look like a hot mess.

35.     Most men own three pairs of shoes.  Tops.  Don’t ask them for fashion advice.  It isn’t going to happen.  Unless you’re naked.

36.    Truth bomb :  Women don’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret models.  Men don’t act like soap opera dudes.   Love them anyway.

37.     If something can be interpreted in two ways, and one of the ways makes a woman sad or angry… generally, a man meant the other one.  Happy wife, happy life. 

38.     Whenever possible, say whatever you have to say during playoff commercials only.  Then.  And only then. Any other time… all bets are off.

39.     Don’t ask them what they’re thinking.  Men can think about nothing for hours.

40.    How to love a man :

There, tucked in neatly between the messy, pain in the ass moments with a man… you will find the sweet spot.

The beautiful soul.  The kind heart.

The man, who would lay down his life for you.  Especially if you were naked.

That is love.

PS.  Dear men, we LOVE you.  xo    MWAH !!!  Most importantly, my lovely blog readers.. you should know that this post was written with LOVE and LAUGHS.  I adore adore adore my hubby with every bit of my soul.  He is my everything.  It’s been 27 years of amazing love so far.  You can read more about my hubby here and see some We CANcer-vive videos too <– Warning: it’s a bit sad but filled with love. xo

Now it’s your turn.  Lemme have it in the comments.  Tell me your funny facts about men… let’s keep the list rolling.

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  1. Lacey scarlet says:

    I luv this and its all true men are men no matter how funny and weird they are its our job to love them BUT making sure their not cheating on , it hurts more then anything when facing the truth

  2. amanda lorts says:

    I love your writing style! It’s direct (but not unfiltered), astute, a lil precocious, and reflective of a fantastic sense of humor! And…quadruple points for correct spelling and grammar!!
    Thanks for the refreshingly real perspective and having the balls to be exactly who you are!

  3. Mb says:

    Ok so I am with this guy and we’ve been dating for a few short weeks. I bring him to my neighborhood kayak shop and as we walk outside a seagull starts to squawk. He squawks back. Not once but three or four times! I literally have to say OK and walk away dismissively to get him to stop. It made me crazy and not in a good way. Sorry nothing gooey or sweet about that! A very few hours later he takes a banana from the “free bananas for children under 10” basket at the super Market and eats it. Are you kidding me! Last weekend I’m spending with that guy. Anyone find that charming?

  4. Hi Robert, if you pop through the rest of my blog, and watch some videos of my hubby and I via instagram and youtube, etc you will see that we have theeeeee most loving awesome relationship and would never ever never man bash. This post is meant to be fun and funny, and in the spirit of that.. it is light hearted. I can promise you that there is nothing negative // and my hubby loves the post too. Lynne

  5. Amy says:

    How old is this post? Never mind, I must add …
    Men have certain standards – like showing you how to use a tool properly, (“No woman, you’re doing it wrong, let me show you…”). Use this to your advantage. For example:
    If you dont feel like doing it yourself, use a butter knife instead of a screwdriver. Works every time. I swear..

  6. Gerry Fultz says:

    Men purposely sabotage the laundry so that they never have to do it again.

  7. Tommie says:

    I thought it was insightful and true but on the same token they r their best when us wemen are with them

  8. Kathleen Collier says:

    Okay, here goes.
    1. My man gets the ‘deer-in-headlight” look when my conversation is longer than two sentences.
    2. Hanging up clothes means throwing it on the floor or over a bedroom chair, nearest dresser, cat’s tower, or one of the sleeping dogs. Sheesh.
    3. Not remembering where he left his weekly spending cash, or how much he used of that cash. Double sheesh.
    4. Forgets to fill up the vehicle after driving all over town to get a new tool/lumber/landscape plants.
    5. Would rather use up gasoline driving all over town to get the best price for a new tool/lumber/landscape plants instead of looking it up online.
    6. He would rather eat fast-food (yuck) than bother to heat up the latest food that was prepared at home (which he also enjoys).
    7. Filling up the kitchen sink with drinking glasses and dishes at night for his snacks, but he will wash them “later.”
    8. Forgets he’s only wearing his underwear when he answers a knock at the door.
    9. Can’t find something in a drawer, on a shelf, in file cabinet, in his big truck, etc. when it’s right in front of him.
    10. Doesn’t feel it necessary to keep his truck clean, even after he and grandkids dump whatever is in their hands on seats and floor.
    11. Would rather leave everything he uses out within reach so he won’t have to look for it, regardless if that object belongs there: electric drill on the kitchen counter, plant food on the hall credenza, the days mail – wherever it falls.

    I can go on and on. The longer one is married, the older one gets, the list continues. True love, lots of patience, and lots of laughter helps keep a couple stay together.

  9. This was absolutely the best! Nov. 19th is International Men’s Day and I found your blog and linked it to my FB for some wholesome laughs! You asked for funny things about men? My husband has a one-track mind. One night he couldn’t sleep so he kept talking and talking to me, which would make any woman happy but 1) he was talking about whether or not to sell his boat, and 2) I was very tired and wanted some sleep. So I thought “I’ll make him tired.” So I came onto him and we had, ahem, you know, “relations.” I turned over to go to sleep because he is bound to be tired now, right? NO! He picked up his sentence where he left off! “Maybe I should list it on Craigslist or something like that.” Seriously! I love my hubby of 15 years but let me get some sleep already. I think my snoring finally made him realize I wasn’t listening any more. 😀

  10. […] Man ohhh man –> MEN. 40 things your Mom didn’t tell you about MEN […]

  11. Adam Bennett says:

    Gracious goodness these are funny and genuine.
    I have taken in this: since they have a heap of garments on the floor, does not mean they are messy.
    Track jeans can sit on the floor by the bed for a considerable length of time at my home and on the off chance that I lift it up and place it in the hamper I get asked:
    “why did you do that? They were spotless and I needed to wear them at this moment!” Ugh.

    Thanks for sharing

    ~Adam Bennett

  12. Cyndye Batchelor says:

    My son posted on facebook last week that if men didn’t exist, the toilet paper would never make it on the roll. I thought he was just being sarcastic because no matter how I hammered my guys, they couldn’t put a roll on an empty roller.
    Then his wife piped up. Turns out she doesn’t make the bed or do laundry either. I knew my son was Mr Mom, but did not realize just how much! He makes his mother proud. At least one of them does. Youngest son is a pig, and hubby just doesn’t understand that sitting on the porcelain in the middle of the night is not conducive to sleep when you want to beat somone.

  13. monique laviolette says:

    you are very very funny

  14. […] poop rosy roses.  We are perfect.  Angelic, really.  ‘Nuff said.  Men ohhhhh Men are notorious for detonating some seriously foul bathroom bombs.  You know it.   So shut […]

  15. […] have smelly poop.  We poop rosy roses.  We are perfect.  Angelic, really.  ‘Nuff said.  Men ohhhhh Men are notorious for detonating some seriously foul bathroom bombs.  You know it.   So shut […]

  16. Zachary Owen says:

    Men love accepting and understanding woman like you Lynne. (At least I do XD) – Im showing you my honesty

  17. Emily says:

    hey my name is Emily lol

  18. qiqi says:

    hi… it’s funny, but still, i suddenly understand some things about men. is there more? to me, they are both idiots and geniuses at the same time… >-<

  19. Alton Cowden says:

    7 times when girls say “why should boys have all the fun?” | Somewherelost http://goo.gl/wuGocg

  20. they made me laugh……………………..well said though

  21. Brent says:

    You half to change the oil in your car because if you don’t, your car will brake and if that happens then the guy will half to pay for it because girls dont pay for anything.

    • Oh la la Brent… car oil and moola. Hmmmm. LOL. Well, a lot of girls pay for their car repairs but that is super sweet that you help with that. Men are pretty great souls.

      Lynne 🙂

  22. […] now that we are mentioning a stick pole with two thingies.. you might want to read my post about men. […]

  23. Hello Emmanuel

    Don’t get me wrong, we love men.. and I adore adore adore my hubby… this post was just about having some fun. That’s the other great thing about men.. they have a great sense of humour 🙂

    I agree… beautiful children, happy life, awesomeness.

    Lynne 🙂

  24. […] have met Michael here <– (sad, not funny) and on the blog here too <– (not sad, supes funny.)   There’s even a video of him here where he talks about […]

  25. Frank says:

    Men loves upgrading bike/car than buying a new underwear :))

  26. Madison says:

    I really enjoyed reading your article 🙂 The list you made was entertaining and somewhat of an accurate depiction 🙂
    1) Guys can tease you about your embarrassing moments, but they’re very accepting of your flaws. Sometimes guys are easier to impress than girls are because of all the competition
    2) Guys are pretty honest about what they want. Sometimes their honesty even gets them in trouble with their girlfriend/wife
    3) They unknowingly hurt a girl’s feelings and spend a good three hours apologizing profusely & trying to make it up to them
    4) They can spend hours in front of the TV without getting bored, whereas women need to do something productive after 1 hour 🙂
    5) They seem to have this strange ability of not noticing when the dishes are stacked high in the sink. They promise to do them and the laundry just to get you to stop nagging and then completely forget (or pretend to)
    6) They fall asleep in front of the TV and leave it on all night long
    7) When they randomly buy you flowers and make your day 🙂
    8) When they try to keep a secret from you and show all the physical signs of wanting to spill the secret (avoiding eye contact, laughing when you ask a direct question, etc)
    9) Look amazing in a suit or tuxedo but complain about how uncomfortable it is to be in a tie 😛

    Just a few additional ones I came up with, lol 🙂 Thanks for the laugh

  27. Anwesha says:

    and one more thing that i’d recently experienced……they get jealous quite easily ….my closest guy friend made fun of me ,..like…every twenty seconds, and then when i started to give him the cold shoulder and paying another guy friend much more attention, i could,…… like,……. ‘smell something burning in the air’ and it was his fine derriere!!!!!……..awesome post! i split my sides with laughter

    • Hahahahaaha Anwesha! Sorry this took so long to reply to your comment… but seriously… I laughed out loud… ‘SMELL SOMETHING BURNING IN THE AIR’ hahahaha.

      Lynne xx

  28. Kerry - South Africa says:

    I’ve picked up a few things about men along the way, whether it was my father, brother, friends or lovers. Here’s what I’ve noticed –
    * They love to “suggest” to you how to do things, but hate listening to suggestions
    * Whoever they are, where ever they are from – they like food. Usually lots of it! But will be quick to tell you that you are making them fat while taking another cookie….or two
    * They wont remember half of what they’ve said when half-asleep, intoxicated, angry or turned on. But they can recite word for word the last episode of Top Gear
    * They will always like toys – whether cars, bikes, games or Lego. With enough time to enjoy them, they will.

  29. a lovely female says:

    This article is sexist towards men. I think if a man made an article like this saying we’re controlling and we can’t make up our minds we’d be all ” that’s so offensinive, boo hoo”. I think we should give men the same respect that we want.

    • Oh gosh, so sorry that you feel that way.

      You may be new to my blog. It’s a place of fun and laughs and yes, respect too. I adore my hubby and we both have ahhhhmazingly beautiful respect for each other.

      Lots of love, lots of laughs.

      That’s what my life and this blog is all about.

      This blog post is meant to be fun and funny.


    • Kerry - South Africa says:

      I think, just for the fun of it, you should do a top 40 list of strange but true funny facts about women, I’d love to read it!

      • Kerry!!!

        That’s a BRILLIANT idea!! Okay, let’s get the party started right now. I need some starters. Can you think of a few strange funny facts? Ohhhh this is going to be a hoot!


    • Flubbert says:

      It isn’t sexist towards men. It just gives women something to laugh about that we can all agree on. I bet if men saw this that they would laugh as well just like stupid things women do too.

    • Tracie Berry says:

      In the words of my recently departed Ma…”Get a grip!” I realize this is an old post, and it may appear that I am stalking a little bit, but really? That’s what you took away from Lynn’s post? Sexist towards men is never going to be what you would ever find here. p.s. I have always had problems making up my mind, and I need my guy as my gps, or I would never get anywhere! Not trying to be cruel, but sheesh, have a sense of humour…

      • Well said, Tracie xx

        You have been a long time reader here, and know that I would never write anything sexist. I just have a whole lotta love and a whole bunch of belly laughs to write about. For new readers, they may not know that I am that kind of gal. Thanks for sharing xx

  30. DB says:

    Thank you for reminding me why I live alone.

  31. Christine says:

    Had to laugh out loud.
    As a yoga teacher, I can tell you that evidently Downward Dog is a come on to every man, everywhere. Tell a man you’re a yoga teacher and their first question, asked is a very husky, “Can you put your legs behind your head?”

    Men also don’t necessarily speak English. My ex- spoke “Rich Speak” which had nothing to do with the common language. Partially explains the ex- part.

    Every man’s dream companion is the dog that gets beer out of the fridge for him.

    Oh, there are so many more! Excellent post.

    • LOL Christine!

      How did I miss your comment until now? That’s hilarious… every man’s dream companion is the dog that gets beer out of the fridge for him.


      Big love!
      Lynne xx

  32. ria says:

    Super not funny aha

  33. Dan says:

    This was entertaining, thank you. I do believe you’ve described boys, not men, though.

  34. hahaha I am killing myself laughing. i didn’t realize cupboarditis was a wordly thing! I thought I was the only one who got to experience it! I feel so understood!

    ps I just found your blog. Awesomeness from one Torontonian to another!

    • Hi Jacquelyn !!

      Maybe it is a Canadian phenomenon :))))

      Big love and awesomeness, right back atcha

      Lynne xx

      • Sarah says:

        Ohhhh it is most definitely not reserved only for Canada. My ex-hubby used to go in the kitchen when I was irritating him (probably talking through Top Gear or playoffs 😛 ) and open ALLLLLL the cabinets and drawers and then leave. Waiting for me to enter the kitchen and behold his “masterpiece” of revenge. And I’m in Pennsylvania….

        BTW. Love, love LOOOOVE this blog. Only one I read and it cracks me up. You write how I think. And that amuses me. 😉

  35. Tracey says:

    This is the best blog post I have ever read in my entire life. I got linked up to you through the Sweet Escape’s trip to your treehouse which is just about as amazing as this post. Thanks for making me laugh out loud in a waiting room in front of strangers. Best part of my day 🙂

    • Hahahahahaha Tracey,

      You had me at THIS IS THE BEST BLOG POST THAT I HAVE EVER READ IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. I had to put that in caps lock. I reserve caps lock for very special occasions. Teehee. Nice to meet you 🙂

      Lynne xx

  36. chris aka monkey says:

    read all of these comments too glad someone mention farting. i think it is hysterical to watch them from a safe distance, as they do their different poses for farting the leg lift, the finger point etc loving this blog lynne xx

  37. Debbie Perkins says:

    O. M. G. You know my husband…I laughed out loud reading it this morning, after I walked into the bathroom and saw my 20 yr old’s boxers and shorts in front of the toilet by the huge clothes basket. Bad aim? Can’t ring a toilet bowl or the clothes basket. ick. I love the humor that you have. Ahhh, another “twisted sister” someone who thinks like me. God blessed us with this particular sense of humor to help us cope. Thank you, God. Keep me laughing, and give me awesome ideas. Love you from the Deep South, Heart of Dixie. Fact #41. Men will pee outside, or off a porch. WHHHYYYY? AND, I don’t think that it i jut a Southern thang.

    • Debbie Perkins says:

      Sorry. Grammar correction. “is just” not i jut. Yes, I’m Southern, and I can spell. Just not when I am laughing. 🙂

    • Good point Debbie! Whhaaaaaaa why?! Haha! Maybe it is to keep up on our toes. It keeps us young {{at heart}}

      A big hello from the North 🙂

      PS. That’s so cool that you are in the heart of Dixie. LOVE.

  38. Bliss says:

    Well #30 is probably the best advice I’ve gotten in forever. Gotta run now, I need to find some matches……

  39. Stan Dubin says:

    Just found you via LeadPages.

    I am a man and I find this post offensive. While reading these, I looked deep into my character and ONLY 33 of them applied to me.

    If the title was “4o Give or Take Things Your Mom Didn’t Tell You About Men” then I guess I would be okay on this.

    Other than that, I put your blog in my RSS Reader and begrudgingly put it in my favorites section.

    • Stan !!

      You made me flip for a second. Like an uh-ooooh … I’m in trouble kinda flip.

      Then I laughed out loud. Phew.

      You are a hoot.

      PS. Isn’t leadpages d’bomb dot com? LOVE it !!!


  40. Bren says:

    LOL This is fabulous! I found your link on Lisa Thomson Lives blog and glad I clicked over. You’re hilarious! Definitely passing this one along! LMAO

    • Hi Bren

      I’m soooo in love with your avatar 🙂 and it took me two months to respond to your comment from my bloggy.

      Erhmergerd. I’m smart like that.

      My bad.

      Either way… your avi rocks out loud!!!

      Mwah !

  41. Rachel says:

    This is great! Loved finding and catching up with everything you’ve written! PS I nominated you on my blog for the Very Inspiring Blogger award – http://rvhoneymoon.com/2014/05/26/very-inspiring-blogger-award/

    • Thank you Rachel

      I don’t know how I missed your comment until today! It was hiding from me LOL.

      I am über stoked that you nominated me for the Very Inspiring Blogger Award!!

      SMOOCH !!

  42. Keira says:

    Just found you blog and you are full on monkey balls to the wall hysterical!
    My hubs and I are not in a great place right now… 17 years of marriage, he works 24 hour work shifts as a firefighter/paramedic, he was gone 2.5 years during 2 deployments to Iraq, 3 kids who are now all teenagers and psycho in-laws make for a rough ride.
    Now my husband say’s I ‘micro manage’ him too much and need to give him some control in our household/life… all this from a man who smells underwear/socks laying on the floor to see if they are clean. Yep… let me hand over the parenting, cleaning, cooking, yard work, bills, pets, kids etc to this other adult who calls Underwear ‘always wear’ and would go to Wal-mart wearing nothing but boxer-briefs if I didn’t stop him at the door and insist he put on pants.
    Thanks for the laughs today… I needed it!

    • Keira !

      It’s great to see that you still have a sense of humour through it all 🙂

      I’m still laughing at the “monkey balls to the wall”

      Funny enough, (excuse the pun) we are on a road trip right now and have been listening to hours of satellite radio.

      Have you ever listened to Dr. Laura? Errhmergerd, she has a ton of great advice that would fit the bill perfectly for you and your fam. She can be brutal but real and sensitive all at once. LOVE her.

      OR… maybe I should start a column and call it …. Dear Lynne … teehee… that would be A HOOT !! Hmmm…

      I need 3 more cups of energy mud to really make this idea stick.

      Big love to you and your fam 🙂 xx

  43. […] -> MEN. 40 things your Mom didn’t tell you about MEN’. It didn’t take much reading of the ’40 Strange But True Facts About Men’ to get a laugh out of me which had Paul curious. So I shared one with him – 6. Putting toilet […]

  44. Lol, this is great!! All true about mine especially the boob part!

  45. Oh, that first photo… : ]

  46. kitty says:

    New reader, newly REmarried and new stepmom to 3 boys (all over 18). I am amazed at the lack of visual sight! If they open a drawer, cabinet or frig they cannot SEE the contents…”where’s the OJ”, “where’s the salt” or “where’s the scissors” (fyi top drawer, right side, first slot, only two items in that spot for the last year).

    My other head shake is the dropping of clothes, EVERYWHERE. There are clothes on every surface around the house, floors, countertops, beds, sofa, bedroom, stairs, garage…outside and inside.

    Love the first photo! I use to dress like that too BUT no more.

    Thanks, fun read!

    • Oh la la Kitty,

      Boys will be boys 🙂 Blah. At least we can make fun of them 🙂

      Ohhhh that first photo… It was a pretty funny moment, I just had to capture it while I had the chance. Ha!

      Welcome aboard as a new reader !!! It’s so fun to have you here. xx

  47. cynthia says:

    #36 Science, aka the internet, has proven that women order the cotton jammies from Victoria’s Secret. Who the eff can sleep or breathe or fold laundry in an offing corset?

    Lynne, you are SO plumbing a profoundly deep mine here. Are you prepared for years of comments?

  48. the main reason I am with my Southern Man…first time we met…prepping some food… he completely seeded and cut up a whole cantaloupe into bite size pieces and cleanup up his mess! I was beyond stunned…has worn off a little in 15 years but still…
    and doesn”t have leave-the-cupboard-door-open-itis…has leave-the-hallway-light-on-itis…
    but its all good! thanks Lynne

  49. AwesomelyOZ says:

    lol! So true – men love shiny gadgets and they’re very simple. Men seriously don’t like asking for directions – at least I’m a side seat driver so he’s going to hear it whether he likes it or not, then I can say “i was right” 😛 Lovely list and enjoy the naked man in your room 🙂 Have a great one Lynne! -Iva

  50. cynthia says:

    I STILL remember the day (living in the SF Bay Area) in November (cold, rain, fog) that Oliver said, wearing cutoffs and literally nothing else, “I’m a little cold, so I’m going to turn the heat up.” Said I, “No, you’re GOING TO PUT SOME CLOTHES ON LIKE A SANE PERSON!”

    RE #6: At my sister’s house one day, I changed the toilet paper roll and upon emerging from the bathroom, mentioned to her that I’d used the last roll of toilet paper. She turned to me open-mouthed, and gasped, “You CHANGED the toilet paper?!?!” Another time I walked into her house (we lived next door to each other, God I miss her!) just as she was hollering to God and the men/boys, “You people had better hope I never die because if I do, there is never going to be another square of paper towels or toilet paper IN. THIS. HOUSE!” She glared at me and said, “I don’t think Bob (husband) knows you can BUY paper towels at the grocery store!” His favorite grocery store purchases tended to bacon and hot dogs. Once when she and I were in SF together and called home, where the son & daughter were staying with Uncle Bob and his boys, the son said they’d had a GREAT dinner: steak, sausage, and corn on the cob. Enough said.

    Great post. Maybe one of the best ever.

  51. Sheila says:

    Men’s idea of doing laundry is to sniff their underwear and shirts to do a smell check!

  52. Sheila says:

    Why is it men can watch some of the grossest stuff on TV or a movie, but the second they see a speck of real blood they are weak to the knees and ready to pass out!

  53. Courtney says:

    🙂 I could hear your high spirited voice saying all this as I read down the list!

  54. Oh goodness these are hilarious and true. I have learned this: just because they have a pile of clothes on the floor, does not mean they are dirty. Track pants can sit on the floor next to the bed for days at my house and if I pick it up and put it in the hamper I get asked: “why did you do that? They were clean and I wanted to wear them right now!” Ugh.

  55. Anita says:

    Oh Lynne, this is a keeper my friend. Soooooo many truths here.

  56. Melanie says:

    Love this so much! The keeping open of the cupboards and dirty underwear everywhere is soooooooooooooooo true. I love how you say never ask them what they are thinking as they can think about nothing for hours – why is that?????? This week my man has been watching the cricket one night after work I went out with a girley friend and he was happy as a pig in much because he could watch the cricket sitting in his pants and not hear me in the background. They truly are a different breed but ya gotta love them for it!!!! ;o)

    • You can say that again.

      I almost envy their THINKING ABOUT NOTHING.

      Wouldn’t it be fun to have an on/off switch on our own brains?

      Or a chalk board eraser for some thoughts that sneak in to our heads. LOL.

      Happy weekend girly !


  57. Sally A says:

    P.S. (Sorry I’m Chatty Cathy) I don’t want you to think that because I wanted my husband to wear pants that I’m saying your husband should stop going around naked! I still laugh at the story of you finding him pulling the quills out of your dog’s nose naked as a jay bird! Too funny!!

  58. Sally A says:

    I know I’m late to the party, but just had to comment. The pic reminds me of my husband walking around in his boxers ALL THE TIME! What if someone comes over? My proposal……on a sandy beach? A candle lit restaurant? On our couch with him in his boxers. Oh well, he loves me and that’s the important thing! Thankfully he’s given that up after 15 years….why? This is my advice to “train a husband”…as was mentioned, they love praise (and you’re right…use sparingly or they become obnoxious) so, at some point instead of saying “please would you just put some pants on at least?” I waited until he was actually wearing clothes and told him how handsome he looked. Repeated over time, and tada! Make a man feel like a man. Let them know that they do a terrific job of taking care of you (for you independent women out there, this could be difficult) and be the weak “can you please help me with this pickle jar?” woman every now and then. They LOVE it! And you will love it too when they feel good about themselves. Men are built to be the ones in charge…it’s in their nature. Even though, we of course know the truth. Build them up with praise…thank them for the smallest things…thank them for working hard for you and your family. Do not take them for granted. If they do mess up, don’t beat them up for it, we all make mistakes. If they hurt your feelings, let them know, but don’t dwell on it. (unless it’s really bad…then get the rolling pin, we aren’t putting up with no bullshit!) :o) It’s worked for me, my husband is awesome! Perfect? Gawd no! But he is wearing pants now. :o)

    • Sally,

      I LOVE YOUR ADVICE… I wholeheartedly live by the same advice … and it works.

      Just love them 🙂

      You have written a beautiful recipe for a beautiful marriage. I think we should all print it out and paste it on our refrigerators. Ha!

      THANK YOU for writing that !! xx

  59. Denise Erickson says:

    Thank the Lord that we have two bathrooms so we don’t have to share (THIS most certainly saved our marriage!) But I always know when he’s been in my bathroom looking for something. Whatever it is remains on the counter cluttering things up. Somehow he never got that there’s a logical progression which is key to preventing household anarchy: 1) locate item, 2)use it, then 3)return to its rightful spot. He is terminally stuck on #2 and NEVER performs #3, to my everlasting dismay. But what the hell, I’m into this thing for 39 years, so I think I’ll keep him.

  60. val says:

    Put a roast or a turkey in front of them to carve…all of a sudden he forgets he was ever a butcher and cannot slice without your encouragement to just do it..somehow..anyhow..just get it on the platter! Like it is holy…and special .and needs to be done just right….

  61. Jess says:

    Lynne, I love your style! You had me laughing!
    #41 Don’t even think about planning any sort of life events on Fantasy Football draft weekend. All productivity and sign of life is lost that weekend unless it involves 20 guys sitting in a room with laptops and iPads, beer, and pizza. Life as we know it ceases to exist.

  62. Say what? I’m still stuck on the opening image.
    “sexy-cool and a horrific-speedo” – TRUTH!
    I’m alternating between snort laughing and rotflmao.

    I have nothing to add that wouldn’t get me into trouble. Srsly. 😀

    • Srsly 🙂 LOVE it…. ‘nothing to say that wouldn’t get me into trouble’ Ha!

      After I snapped that photo of Michael, I tossed between laughing out loud and erhhhmergerd what have I gotten myself into over the past 20 years?!! Hahahahaha !

      He’s such a good sport. My girlfriends are trying to convince me to frame that photo 🙂 ha!

    • PS Elen

      I signed up to your bloggy, but I’m not getting notifications <--- I screamed that. I love your blog ! Hook me up sista 🙂 xx

  63. Linda D says:

    #41. No matter how close it is to their face, men cannot find things so they don’t try. They prefer to ask where something is without looking. Even if your kitchen only has one cupboard of dishes they will still ask where are the plates? This behaivor is extremely contagious and children will catch this disease as soon as they can speak in full sentances.

    Thank you for the FULL belly laugh. That felt good.

  64. PJ Hatmaker says:

    #22 made me laugh out loud and it startled the poor little lady who is painting my piggies. Bigger tip for her. Big smile for me.

  65. Craig says:

    Check out Vancouver doorknob law… It will be the law everywhere soon… you can’t open a door that has a round doorknob with your elbow… of course it makes sense, but a law… oh well… don’t get me started… cause I’ll have to bring up lightbulbs… Keep smiling…

    • Lightbulbs.

      Ohhhh no. Craig. LOL. You brought up the lightbulbs.

      Shhh… I have a secret stash of incandescent lightbulbs that will last me until 2084.

      I’m hoarding them now. Anyone else who loves 25 watt REAL lightbulbs (wrinkle removers) need to start a stash. Pronto. STAT.


      Happy Friday night, dude. xx

  66. Laura Podrasky says:

    No matter how busy you are they still need you to call and make their doctors appts or call and ask questions. Drives me crazy and makes me laugh, too!

    • Oh Laura,

      Did you watch the Youtube commercial in the blog post?

      HILARE !!

      Totally true.

      Pam… can you call my MOM? Hhaha. Man baby.

    • Debbie Perkins says:

      Yep. Yep. Yep. I make my hubs appts. fill his pill box, yada yady yada. Does he schedule my paps and mammograms? No way. Just the words and his skin crawls. Bahaha. I am happy to have him, so I guess that I will keep on keeping him healthy(all those rattling pills), wealthy(?),and wise(a@@). We have to keep a humorous attitude, don’t we?

  67. Christina says:

    I absolutely love this list and the 1st pic. They made me laugh so hard! I’m not sure what # we are on but my husband has this thing about closing cabinet doors…how hard is it to take something out of the cabinet and then shut the door? And when we eat dinner, he will get up from the table and take one thing in the kitchen and then he thinks he’s done a good thing……sigh. I just don’t get it. Thanks for the great post today! 🙂

    • Ha Christina !!

      Closing the cupboard door? That’s rocket science, didn’t you know? LOL!!

      Men, they are like kids.

      They sure keep us entertained 🙂

      Can’t live with them, can’t live without them. Hahahaha !!

  68. LOL – what a great post Lynne. And that opening photo is the best ever. I will share with my hubby so he knows that I make sure he has clothes before I include him in a random photo.

    #43 Men have an amazing ability to find kitchen items when they help in the kitchen and then have no recollection where they go when it comes to putting them away. I find the strangest things in the wrong places. I put them back, they get used and put away in another strange place. Hence the question “have you seen the _____” which is usually met with the “why would I know where you left it”. Learn to love help in the kitchen and know that they have left you with a in kitchen scavenger hunt.

    Thanks for making my Friday!


    • Too funny Jo-Ann,

      Husbands who are married to bloggers should come with a warning label.

      Any naked actions could be used against them.

      Jokes. Jokes.

      I think you need to pull the camera out when your hubby isn’t looking 🙂 this could be FUN !


  69. SusanR says:

    Even after 20 years, they have NO idea why you’re mad at them.

    They can spot a one word error in 10,000 lines of computer code, and miss the dried cat barf on the pillow.

    You can be carrying one of your dismembered limbs, and it will not occur to them to help you bring in the groceries from the car.

    They will make coffee, a sandwich or grab ice cream from the freezer and never think to ask if you want anything.

    They can happily sit in utter chaos, watch TV and eat chips.

    Why did I not just rent one as needed?????

    • Bahhhaaaa

      One word error, but miss cat barf !

      * Belly laugh *

      Here comes my truth serum … I got lucky. Michael is so sweet and sensitive and would totally bring me a jug of ice cream if I wanted it… even if his arms were full of mile high boxes. LOVE that dude.

      Thankfully, he also has a good sense of humour.

      I’m getting a bit nervous that he might post a blog post about women. Teehee.

      Thankfully, he won’t be able to catch me naked in a chair. haha!

    • Mary Lou G says:

      Love the Rental Idea…. lmao….Change is always good for your soul.!
      Will add THEY DON’T DO CHANGE!!
      Last Night was A ***Classic***, The Big Guy (all on his own) grabbed the bag out of the garbage can & walked it out to the bin, usually it is thrown in the truck box for a couple days not sure why but 2 or 3 days later after those scenic trips to work it gets dropped off on his way into the yard.. Have never questioned that, just glad it’s gone.. Sorry was just wandering in my head there..
      BUT last night – garbage out, he comes back in, and I here… ‘Louie – we’re outta bags’ ME-‘They’re on the dryer’. Keep hearing him in there muttering then – ‘Nope u forgot to buy them’ THAT’S WHEN THE the GUYDAR went off with a blast… I’m laughing so hard can barely yell back at him— ‘did you see the YELLOW box?’ Peed a tad as he yells back ‘ITS SUPPOSED TO BE A GREEN BOX’ bwaaaaahaaaaaa, so glad after 35 years of marriage the old man STILL KNOWS HIS COLOURS BUT CAN’T READ…

  70. Craig says:

    The first thing I see in picture #1…
    The doorknob…. Why? round ones
    are no longer legal in Canada… just sayin’…
    (new construction of course)
    fun read…
    gotta go… time for me to go be a man now…
    Friday night will be here soon… now where is
    that Barry White album…. oh yeah….

    • Wait a second Craig. Waiiiiiiitttt a second. I thought that was a stupid RUMOUR about the door knobs.

      They are legit illegal ?

      I’m totally breaking the law over here in our household. If the door knob police show up, you need to come and bail me out of jail.

      PS. Bring margaritas 🙂

  71. jaine gayer says:

    They can handle 4 remotes all at once and explain the directions on how to use them and really think I will understand those directions.
    If it takes more than 1 remote, I’m not interested.

  72. Diane says:

    So, in my household, getting my hubby to finish a project is easy: Especially if it involves the use of power tools! I threaten to finish it myself! Your tips are all SPOT ON!

  73. men will well, my men will ( one husband, one son just to clarify… ) gang up on you, tease you incessantly, say they are doing you a favour because you never had brothers and then… when you need them to, they will defend, support and have your back. I love my silly men.
    Side note…
    Is it wrong that I now feel like showing my hubs the pic you shared of your hubs as a way of showcasing my restraint in not embarrassing him on my little blog???? Because you KNOW I COULD!

    • So true Cynthia !

      I do have a brother. He would pick on me at home, but would punch out other kids in the school yard if they even looked at me the wrong way.

      Too funny !!

      Show your hubs ! My girlfriends have all been sending it to their hubs too. Somehow, it’s like a tribe… the men just GET EACH OTHER. They know they do it.

      I tried to convince Michael that I could use his photo by telling him that his shoulder blades looked like angel wings.


  74. Jennifer says:

    Men have the supernatural power to not fart in front of company, but alone with the wife…can’t help themselves. Uncanny. Very funny Lynne!!!1

    • It’s a MAN TALENT.

      Ha !

      They may be experts in that field. 🙂

    • deneen says:

      if I don’t explain EXACTLY where something is in the frige – “top shelf, left side, to the back, in a square glass container with a red lid”, he’ll open the door & yell that he can’t find it. Drives me bat shit crazy. And it’s not just things in the fridge, I have to do this with everything because God forbid he should have to move things around. But – on the other hand, he slept with a kitten, that I rescued at an abandoned house, on his chest all night (after declaring ‘this thing isn’t coming into the house!’) because he didn’t want her to be afraid.

      he’s a keeper 🙂

  75. Kathy says:

    Men fart whenever and wherever they feel like it and then look around like “It wasn’t me!” I just look at my hubs and he gets this funny grin, and I know I got him. Oh, I have a can of Febreze under my pillow for those middle of the night times!!!!

    • Why didn’t I think of that ?!!

      One febreeze mist on the bed, and one big fat splash on his head. Solved.

      Your room will be smelling like daisies.

      Gotta run.. I have some shopping to do.


  76. Melissa says:

    I ONCE went out with a guy who didn’t put down the toilet seat. As I said, only ONCE! (Yep, you guessed it…I’m single).

    • You are one smart cookie Melissa.

      It only takes one butt dip into the cold toilet water to appreciate a good … toilet seat put-er-down-er 🙂

      You may have to wait a while to find one of those. Possibly f.o.r.e.v.e.r.


  77. HA that first photo is priceless. Makes all 40 things totally worth it. I think you should frame it 😉

  78. Tristan says:

    #42 Men like the fluffiest comfiest blankets and good cup of tea. But if another man walks in… they like beer and TSN.

    p.s #21 killsss me. So fricken funny


    • Oh my goodness Tristan ! HILARE !!!

      Sooooo true.

      You are becoming an expert in ‘man training” 🙂 You’ve got them all figured out.

      Now come home and teach me how to get Dad to aim his clothes RIGHT INTO the laundry hamper 🙂

      Bahhhah hahaha baaaa

  79. Bailey Scott says:

    Love it! One clarification, though, in defense of mothers everywhere… #15. We TRY (oh, how we try!!) to teach our sons to put the lid down. It just. Doesn’t. Happen. EVER. It’s quite infuriating, actually. I think it has something to do with #9 (laundry proximity) and #32 (open-cupboard-itis). Which leads me to…

    #41 – Men will pee on and around the toilet seat. ALWAYS look before you sit!

    xo – BS

    • We try oooooh how we try. Because WE ARE PERFECT. hahahahahahahaha.

      Their laundry just gets dirtier and dirtier and spawns nasty dirty sock babies and on and on and on.

      They are a ‘MAKE WORK’ project.

      Someone needs to invent a vacuum cleaner that attaches to a mans leg.

      Haha !

  80. Robin says:

    I love this!! But I have one quibble with #15…: Being the mother of a young man myself, you can harp on lowering the lid all you want, but what you’ll get back for the next 21 years is a fart and an eye-roll. Then magically, the GIRLFRIEND says it ONCE and PRESTO!! Down it goes. But it doesn’t last. Especially if she becomes the wife. Pick yer battles, I say.

    • Bailey Scott says:

      Robin – we were sharing a brain! Haven’t gotten to the girlfriend stage with my son yet, so can’t prove the theory. Other than the farting and eye-rolling. I get a LOT of that. 🙂

      • We should start a mothers club…

        Multi-generational boy habits.

        They are like the energizer bunny… they just keep going and going and going. *loud* *yuck*

        They need a special room for that. 🙂

    • Cray cray how that happens Robin 🙂

      Want to know what else happens? After your kids move out, they suddenly become as neat as a pin.


  81. Oh, my gosh what a perfect list, Lynne! I’m laughing and it’s not even 8am here. I can relate to so many of these. I’m lucky in the regard that my guy actually will wash dishes. The catch is he may leave them for a WHOLE day before he starts, in which case I go on ‘cooking strike’. He doesn’t know when his favorite hoodie needs washing so I have to peel it off him. He ONLY wears Levi’s. He has 2 pair of shoes and doesn’t understand why he might need one other pair. HUH? He doesn’t get the shoe thingy. He says guys never notice women’s shoes so we must be buying them so other women will notice them. UGH, really? My guy doesn’t golf which is really great for me because I was a golf widow for the whole 18 years I WAS married. Michael is soooo handsome! Wasn’t he a good sport for allowing those pic’s and this post? OR he doesn’t know…?

  82. #42 One of the very few things that will make a man cry is having their car restored by Chip Foose on the tv show Overhaulin. It happens every…single…time!

    Love you Lynne!!


  83. Cate Moore says:

    #41 … all men have a virus that causes them to leave things where they last were and not where they belong. THIS is why they lose everything, then find it just so they can lose it again.

  84. Soooooooooooooooooooooooo funny! Loved it Lynnie! xoxoxo

  85. Cate Moore says:

    LOVE love LOVE this post! Made my day! xo

    • Hahaha Cate !

      You’ve got great ones too ! Add one to the list ….

      You go first :

      Number 41 : _________________


      • WandaMG says:

        I was divorced for 23 years, raised two boys by myself and then said “I do” 4 years ago. WTF?? I’ve been trying to find the source for this moment of madness. It’s like forgetting what labor pains are like until you find out you’re pregnant again!