That’s right.  These are the best skinny bitch blueberry bootylicious muffins you will ever put in your mouth.  What a mouthful.

But seriously.  These muffins are delish, and you won’t get a big ol’ booty from them.

Minimal junk in the trunk.

 

These are beautifully-tasty-moist-ahhhmazing blueberry muffins.

Period.

Stamped it.

 Double stamped it.

I want it all, and I don’t want a big ol’ booty after I eat them {all}.

How’s about you?

Y’all with me on that?

GOOD.  Let’s play a game.

 The game of make low fat muffins and then eat them all. 

* happy  dance *

 

 How do you spell 108 C.A.L.O.R.I.E.S ?

***

Skinny   Bitch   Blueberry   Muffin

That’s how.

***

You can have that svelte body of yours (LOL) AND eat muffins.

Imagine that?

You can have your muffin cake and eat it too.

Problem :

 If you eat the big fattening store bought muffins, your mind will be writing a cheque that your body can’t cash …

* muffin blubber *

I’m here to help you out.  I’ve been down this muffin road before.

 

 

It’s the time of year to nest and bake, non?

 

When I feel like crap, I nest.

I rearrange the kitchen.  Actually, I just move things on tables and put flowers everywhere.

I light a billion candles.  Fire department quantities of candles.

It’s all a necessary evil to do these nesting things.

Or I will become evil.  It will be a bitch-fest around here.

It is a way to calm my I want to punch someone inner self.

If I don’t do these things to chill, someone is going to get throat punched.

 

 

I’m also a blogger.  iWrite.  iBake.  Therefore, iAm.

That is my winter sanity.

 

I don’t even care what I bake.

The important part is that what I bake is sort of healthy for my mind & body.

I bake the muffins, because if I buy muffins I’m going be mad at me later.  I’m going to need a time out.  If I had a third leg, I would kick myself with it.  Right after I finish eating the muffins.

The problem is that I am forever tempted by the donut shop muffins {{ even though I know they are going to give me Buddha belly.}}

I can actually inhale eat those kind of muffins in about…..wait for it…. wait for it…. 4 seconds.

 

I can hear the coffee shop whispers now :

 

Let her finish eating that.

Let’s count how long it takes her to inhale it.  One potato. Two potato. Three potato.

Oh wait, she is done.

Oh wow.

That is dangerous muffin top living.

Is she waddling AND holding her belly at the same time?

” Have a good day ma’am ”

*Whisper *whisper * –  “is she pregnant?”  Shhhh….

 

 

 

Why bake bootylicious skinny bitch muffins in your own kitchen?

Do you like muffins?

Do you like muffin top?

There.

That’s why.

No one wants a muffin attached to their hips.

This recipe is so tasty it should be illegal.

Go ahead.

Try and convince people that these skinny bitch muffins are low fat.

 No one will believe you.

 You should be in jail before 4 o’clock.

Happy road trippin’ to you.  At least you will have some nice muffins for your road trip.

Skinny  Bitch  Blueberry  Muffin  RECIPE

 

 

Mix and let stand for 10 mins:

1 cup quick cooking rolled oats

1/2 cup wheat bran

1 cup non fat milk or almond milk

*

Mix in a separate bowl:

1/2 cup unsweetened apple sauce

1 egg (beaten)

1/2 cup brown sugar

1 1/2 tsp vanilla extract

*

In ANOTHER bowl ( Geesh – messy)  mix together:

1/2 cup all purpose flour

1/2 cup whole wheat flour

1 1/4 tsp baking soda

1 1/4 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp salt

1 tsp cinnamon (or more, if you feel wild)

a few dashes of nutmeg

*

Mix all ingredients together and then fold in 1 cup of blueberries.

Add in an extra 1/2 cup or so of other berries – blackberries, raspberries, any berries for a fruit explosion.

Bake at 375 degrees ( 190 * C ) for 15-20 minutes.

Bam.  You are DONE.

Enjoy !

 

Did you know that you can use parchment paper or brown paper for muffin cups ??!!  Dang sexy, don’tcha think?

 

 

Now I walk by the muffin cups in the grocery store now and snub them.  My inner voice:  Pffftttt to the muffin cups on the grocery store shelves.  It’s easy to just make them using parchment paper or kraft paper.

 

 

Go ahead.

Bake some skinny bitch blueberry muffins.

Then kiss yourself.

You deserve it.

This is what winter cheer is all about.

BAKE.

SMILE.

 

 

So what do you do ?

How do you get through the winter blahhhh’s ? Share with sugar bear.

I need more hot tips {{ aka winter survival skills. }}