Is Your Neighbour a Jerk face? Green Moss Graffiti to the rescue…

Apr 5

GOOD FENCES MAKE GOOD NEIGHBOURS  and Green Moss Graffiti makes them even BETTER neighbours.  You got that right,  Charlie Brown.  I had a bad neighbour.  ONCE.  Been there. Done that.  Don’t want the jerk face poster again.

Time has passed.  I moved.  I can now write about my neighbour without wanting to jump off a bridge.  Or drink a whole bottle of wine.  By myself.  Not that I would confess ever do that.

So how did I survive the difficult neighbour ?

~ my imagination ~

I used my imagination to create revenge tactics on my neighbour.

{ In my head }

I didn’t use my outside voice.  It was fun.  You should have been there.

In hindsight

I only wish I had seen this idea, many moons ago :

Green Moss Graffiti

Green Moss Graffiti

Green Moss Graffiti may have changed my world at the time.  For the better.

Because if I had known this little ‘mossy trick’….

I would have created some choice words on my neighbors wall.  Yup.

JERK FACE

splashed on the side of his house.

I could have discreetly wrote the word on his wall and then….

sipped my wine tea

and

WATCHED IT GROW.

Suddenly…like outta nowhere….the word would appear.  It could have been like an

Extra Terrestrial experience.

Half the fun is in the plotting thinking about it.

The artist who created these beautiful works of art is Anna Garforth.  She really puts her creative art to wonderful artistic use.  I may be the only soul on earth who would use it to plot against a neighbour.  It is still creative, so that may count for something, when I get to the Big Pearly Gates in the sky.  I could always decorate the gates with moss.  I would save the day with MOSS!  Let’s hope the big guy has a sense of humour.

Aren’t you glad I am not your neighbour ?! haha. I know that is what you are thinking.

Green moss Graffiti

Wow ! Love it !

COOL, huh ?

I am going for it.  On our pool stone walls this summer.

  I will write something prophetic.  Like LOVE.  Or KINDNESS.  Or KISS MY BUTT.  Something like that.

INSTRUCTIONS FOR MAKING GREEN MOSS GRAFFITI :

(If you know the source of these sketches, please share with me. I couldn’t find it.)

 

Yah, yah, watch your art grow

*  on your neighbours wall  *

Alternative method for  How to Make Green Moss Graffiti :

WHAT YOU NEED :

moss

buttermilk

(or) yogurt

water or beer

{ I personally wouldn’t waste beer on a wall }.

I would drink the beer while making the moss graffiti.  Better use of beer. Foooorr-shurrr

  • Sugar
  • Corn syrup ( optional )*.

*Or you could make some caramel corn with the corn syrup, and eat the caramel corn, while drinking the beer & making green moss graffiti.

This is already sounding like a partridge in a pear tree song.

Put it all in a blender *

What the what what ?!? Put it all in a blender ? Maybe your neighbours blender.

 *Note:  After this experiment, you may never want to use your blender again.

Many moons ago & because I didn’t have this ‘mossy arsenal trick’ up my sleeve at the time, I had to use my imagination in other ways.  I planned TWO revenge tactics on my old neighbour.  The bratty jerk face SOB.  Note to all those who are now afraid to be my neighbour : All plots remained in my head.  No neighbours were harmed in this experiment.

 

 

NEIGHBOUR REVENGE TACTIC #1

It was a time when classified ads in a local paper were big news.  A time when people read the classifieds.  On paper.  I sound like a pioneer woman.  I now officially feel like I am 102 years old.

The Classified Ad :

For Sale : 150 retail store mannequins

My imagination went outta-control-crazy-butt-wild but I had a plan.

We were planning a ‘good fence makes good neighbours fence‘ at the time.  That classified solved all the problems of (my) world.  I could buy the 150 buck naked, hair in the wind, scary faced mannequins and face every single one of them in a row ~ as a fence.  I think these ones would have been perfect, but all that jewellery gluing would have been time consuming.  Time consuming because I would have wanted to wear these EYEBALL sunglasses while doing the gluing.

These are hilare :

Ok, never mind.  They look like a lot of work. But these ones would have been a walk in the park to fashion into a fence :

a row of mannequins

No hair ?! No worries. Must have blown off in the wind.

 I would have lined them up so they were staring right into my neighbours kitchen window.   I had so many hysterical moments just laughing at the idea of doing it, that I decided that it was too funny to waste such a good idea on a jerk face. I save my good ideas for good stuff.   I don’t know what that means.

A little trivia for you today :

Did you know ??!!!!……In Georgia, it’s illegal to change the clothes on a storefront mannequin unless you draw the shades first ? 

Whateevvve. I wonder if it is illegal to make a fence of naked ones?  Mmmmm.  Food for thought.

NEIGHBOUR REVENGE TACTIC #2

Get a squirt bottle.  Fill it with bleach, or some grass killing chemical.  There is a lot of that stuff around.   I am sure you can find something.  My dog is an expert. I am sure you can be too.  You get the drift.  Something bleach/strong like.  Be creative.  I had big plans to put some ‘somethin-somethin‘ in a bottle, and squirt some words on my neighbours grass.

Drawing on the front lawn

Could you imagine his face when he saw his lawn ??! 🙂

Dreaming up ways to kill grass is not rocket science.  It amazes me that grass can grow out of a concrete mound, on the side of a hill, perched from no-where-ville, without sunshine or fancy fertilizer

…and BAM…

there is a tree or grass or some brilliant flower.

But  not in my back yard.  Grass growing around here is, in fact, rocket science.  It eludes me, every single summer.

I often walked by this building in Paris, and wonder how an entire building can GROW !? And yet —> Grass growing = rocket science in my household.

I am a professional grass killer.  I can grow weeds like it is nobody’s business.  A weed pro.  That came out all wrong.

 I would never grow *weed*…Mom…

Ok, get that squirt bottle. I need to change the subject before I get arrested.  Go write the words JERK FACE on your neighbours grass.  Then wait.  Pray for rain, maybe.  Wait for the words to appear.  Like ET again.

I should patent such revenge brilliance.

May the fun begin.

  Do you have any neighbor revenge secrets?  For pete sakes, don’t post them if you still have your jerk face neighbour.  I take that back.

Post them.

 You will discover who your true friends* are when they come to bail you out of jail.

*The real ones will come with bottle of wine in hand & a squirt bottle hanging out of their back pocket.

Lynne

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  1. Loulou

    April 5th, 2012 at 8:31 pm

    I love the moss wall graffiti, so inspired. I actually love my neighbours but heres a revenge for an ex partner just before you leave him, timed until he is going away for a while preferably. Get watercress seeds and jug of water, write the words you want him to remember into the carpet of the room in water and as you do it sprinkle the cress seeds on the wet carpet. Turn up the heating and leave. When he returns after his holiday the sprouted cress will display your message!

  2. Lynne Knowlton

    April 5th, 2012 at 9:38 pm

    That is absolutely hilare!!! I would invite all my girlfriends over, and have a party while I ‘planted’ my words in the carpet. Too funny!!

  3. julie shinnick

    April 5th, 2012 at 9:27 pm

    Ha ha ha! I would love to have you as a neighbour! We could get up to so much mischief! Who says graffiti has to be painted?? Thank you for the “moss’ recipie. I will have to pin that so I don’t forget it!
    Errr what did he do to be a jerk face…..you never qualified it…..
    Keep up the fun!
    xx
    Julie

  4. Lynne Knowlton

    April 5th, 2012 at 9:47 pm

    Oh, he was soooo bad. Poopie bad….but at least he was great entertainment in my head.
    Isn’t that moss recipe cool? I can’t wait to give it a whirl !!
    If you do it, will you send me photos?
    Happy ‘mossing’.haha xx

  5. Maribel

    April 5th, 2012 at 9:41 pm

    Love this idea, I am happy you have the steps on how to blend this awesome moss mix..

  6. Lynne Knowlton

    April 5th, 2012 at 9:48 pm

    Thanks to you !….we are little pinterest crazies aren’t we?

  7. Maureen

    April 5th, 2012 at 10:22 pm

    wow, who woulda thunk it?. Definitely not going to make in my NEW blender. We have had mostly great neighbours, but current ones sure didn’t like us 4 summers ago when we were renovating. …. and SHE let us and our trades know it…. BIG TIME! She even let us know it was inconvenient as her elderly inlaws were viisiting for 6 weeks and our reno would bother them.. 90% of the almost 100 year old houses on our steet have been renovated …. including theirs. Wish I’d had that recipe back then……..

  8. Lynne Knowlton

    April 5th, 2012 at 10:40 pm

    Mo, You could have written ‘mossy- bossy old bitty’ on her wall 🙂

  9. Suzanne

    April 6th, 2012 at 12:03 am

    Love this moss graffiti what a fantastic idea, and too bad you moved before you could exact some revenge on a very bad neighbor. Such a cool idea!

  10. Jessica

    April 6th, 2012 at 10:37 am

    that’s the shizzzzz!!!! I want some green graffiti!

  11. Dee Dee

    April 6th, 2012 at 2:14 pm

    First,

    I swear that I swooned when I hit this post. just went ‘swoon’!

    A long time ago, in a Bronx apartment building far away, I had a most awful neighbor. I was probably too young to have thought do to something as nice as this – but I sure wish I had! Now I want to test this out on my terrace. Maybe a moss-Eiffel tower would cheer up my neighbors! Anyone want to come to NYC and help me? 🙂

  12. Lynne Knowlton

    April 6th, 2012 at 2:27 pm

    …Swooooon…..haha LOL love it.
    J’ADORE your idea of doing a moss Eiffel Tower ! It will be a stunner. You could do plantings of potted flowers at the base of it too.

    Send me pix when you do it !!

    NYC is one of my favourite places on EARTH. I wish I was there to help you. I would help you in a heart beat. Gorgeous, it will be. Gorgeous !
    Cheers!
    Lynne xx

  13. Mary

    April 9th, 2012 at 6:51 am

    LOL! I had the neighbour from hell, elderly, crotchety &multiple personalities (really).She neglected her back yard to the point the fire chief warned her about the brush fire potential. Her front yard was a nasty mess of weeks & overgrown cedars. Apparently it bothered my son more than it did me (or he just got tired of MY complaining). We bought a bottle of RoundUp to get rid of poison ivy, went to use it for follow up & it was empty. Not long later, a LARGE mysterious peace sign showed up in the weeds on her front yard–accompanied by a major smirk on my son’s face.

  14. Lynne Knowlton

    April 9th, 2012 at 12:25 pm

    Mary-
    That is absolutely HILARIOUS !!! I love love love your son. What a hoot !!! Brilliant…a peace sign…now why didn’t I think of that? LOL !
    Lynne xx

  15. Freedom, by the way

    April 11th, 2012 at 2:46 am

    Love the moss writing recipe! I live in the country so I don’t have any neighbors (that I can see). I can hear them on their tractor, hear their stupid hunting dogs (I love dogs, I am not opposed to hunting, but I hate the idea of hunting dogs. Bad for the dogs–always penned up outside and very bad for the deer. A hunting dog is the sign of a lazy hunter, I always say). Anyway, I’m thinking of writing something in moss on the big ugly propane tank in my yard. Like Yay, Spring! or Winter gives me that empty feeling.

  16. Lynne Knowlton

    April 11th, 2012 at 4:54 pm

    Isn’t living in the country great?! My jerk face neighbor was the best thing that ever happened to me. I moved to the countryside after that. I am in the same boat as you. No neighbors that I can see. I can hear their dogs, and sometimes SMELL them on their tractor :). I think it would be a hoot to do a blog post on …’YOU KNOW YOU LIVE IN THE COUNTRY WHEN…’ Oh, the stories we could tell.
    xx

  17. kirschcrumble

    April 16th, 2012 at 10:13 am

    😀 I really love the idea with the moss graffiti! I have read about it in several blogs, but this is a new point of view and opens even more possible uses 😉

    Best,
    Mrs. R

  18. Lynne Knowlton

    April 16th, 2012 at 12:41 pm

    Mrs. R
    Isn’t that moss coolio ? We are all about versatility when it comes to having a good laugh :)) We will take it any way we get it. A laugh that is. Not the jerky neighbor. 🙂
    Have a fab week!
    Lynne

  19. mom

    April 24th, 2012 at 6:49 pm

    you grow weed? a weed is just a flower that doesn’t have a name yet.
    but what you really meant was pot right? or was that grow weed in pot. Or a potted weed.?
    yes…I remember the 60’s (whoops…remember you were born in the 60’s)

  20. Sharon B.

    April 26th, 2012 at 5:41 pm

    I just love the moss idea. I love the mannequin fence idea even more. Hey, you could have lined them up, still nekkid, facing your house, effectively mooning jerk-face neighbor.

    Just in case someone finds nekkid mannequins offensive, just dress them, with a hole cut to expose the bare behinds. Wooooo!

  21. Lynne Knowlton

    May 1st, 2012 at 12:29 pm

    Love it !!! You are hilare !! It would give a whole new meaning to MOONING someone. Permanently.
    Lynne xx

  22. mouse

    May 1st, 2012 at 12:03 pm

    GREAT idea – the mannequin fence! The only one I could do as my neighbors have surveillance cameras all over the place. No kidding, they put a wireless PC cam in the front window of their car to watch the street. There are cameras in the upstairs windows watching my back yard. She WAITED for me to pull out of my driveway then backed out in front of me just so I’d have to wait for her (if I hit her, it would have been her fault for ‘unsafe backing’ but then I’d have to deal with her and her insurance company and the police… the police always come in two cars now because she’s filed complaints on THEM so many times). Mental illness isn’t illegal but it sure makes life miserable for the rest of us!

  23. Lynne Knowlton

    May 1st, 2012 at 12:33 pm

    Hey Mouse !
    Your neighbor sounds a bit nutty. I had one like that ONCE. I moved.
    I know that isn’t always an option. I had to jump through hoops to make it happen. It was soooo worth it, in the end. It was worth the peace of mind. Good MO-JO is awesome !
    Lynne xx

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  25. Kim

    May 24th, 2012 at 6:38 pm

    I think the mannequin fence covering them with the moss stuff would be cool. You know like moss bikinis or armpit hair

  26. Lynne Knowlton

    May 25th, 2012 at 12:38 pm

    OMG Karen,
    I just laughed out loud! What a BRILLIANT IDEA ! Of course, I would want to put the moss in other places, other than armpit hair. Moss on the va-jay-jay !! How hilarious would that be ?!! Lynne

  27. Cheryl

    June 26th, 2012 at 9:23 pm

    So funny, I love you!

  28. Lynne Knowlton

    June 26th, 2012 at 9:30 pm

    Thanks Cheryl !
    Sending the luv right back atcha sista. I hope you don’t have a jerk faced neighbour. Things are going to get very interesting around your place. 🙂
    Hahaha…
    Lynne

  29. Pate Garson

    June 27th, 2012 at 2:01 pm

    Neighbor Revenge

    Craigs List or local newspaper (or if you’re really pissed………BOTH)

    TAG SALE SATURDAY 8:00AM – 3:00PM.. Early birds welcome only after
    7:00. Fantastic prices on my grandmothers estate pieces, 50% off on all items between 8:00 and 9:00am. Free Coffee and donuts till 9:00. See you there!

    The onlly way this works is if the neighbor doesn’t know you think that he’s a Jerk Face. If he’s married? Get a disposable cell phone and call at midnite and ask for him. When the wife asks who is it, hang up.

    Pour boiling water on his favorite annuals in his garden. Be careful not to do too much as you don’t want to hurt any other plants. Of course don’t do this is you like looking at his annuals.

    Plant some crabgrass in his garden under the leaves of another plant.

    Buy Japanese Beetle bait and hide in his garden and it will lure those nasty suckers
    in less than a day. He also won’t know why his garden smells like roses!

    I take absollutely no responsibility for any of these silly ideas, they just came to me after I read your blog. The author has never done any of the above. One question:
    do these nasty ideas make my butt look fat?

    xxxxxxxxxxxx
    Pate

  30. Lynne Knowlton

    June 27th, 2012 at 3:56 pm

    Ohhh Pate
    You are creatively hilarious ! LOVE IT. I am so happy I am not your neighbor. LOL. Although you would be a fun neighbor to have and you have a healthy love of annual flowers 🙂

    I am sure your butt still looks skinny. LOL

    Thanks for the awesome giggle today !
    Lynne

  31. Inspire Me Heather

    November 19th, 2012 at 9:49 am

    Great post on moss graffiti – it’s pretty cool how they do that! You are a great writer too, love your sense of humour here! I’ve got this linked to my DIY moss post too today, for inspiration!

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  33. Kyle

    January 8th, 2014 at 5:15 pm

    Love the green moss graffiti – very cool!

    As for bad neighbours, I’ve had them too. But you’d be surprised how many will come around if you just try talking to them. And getting them to understand your side of the story. No, it’s not easy to do this. It takes effort. And compassion and empathy. Persist with it and you can get the biggest jerk face to give you the biggest hug and then you won’t need bleach or any other forms of vindictiveness.

    Try it! 🙂

  34. Lynne Knowlton

    January 8th, 2014 at 6:06 pm

    Well said Kyle !

    I agree… you get more bees with honey.. but sometimes the bees still sting. 🙂

    Words, hugs, talking… all come first.

    When all else fails. Graffiti. 🙂 LOL

  35. charlotte (chuckie) pope

    January 31st, 2014 at 2:41 pm

    WITH BEER IN HAND AND A FEW UNDER THE BELT, MOW YOUR YARD. CUSS(southern for making grown men cry) or INVITE YOUR HEAVILY TATTOOED BIKER FRIENDS. THIS SEEMS TO WORK FOR ME.

  36. Lynne Knowlton

    February 2nd, 2014 at 9:41 am

    Why on earth don’t I have biker friends? That would have solved everything ! 🙂

    You are one smart cookie.

    I can hear the southern drawl from here 🙂 xx

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  38. lynneknowlton

    June 14th, 2015 at 5:00 am

    Is Your Neighbour a Jerk face? Green Moss Graffiti to the rescue… http://t.co/Dl7hwyJitr

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  41. May McDonough

    October 25th, 2015 at 12:19 pm

    Are you the coolest person in the world? I think you are.

  42. May McDonough

    October 25th, 2015 at 1:20 pm

    Also, do you think this would work on a mannequin? I’m going to try.

  43. alexa

    February 3rd, 2016 at 11:37 am

    I would love to make it for a wedding i am planning!! looks awesome.
    how long does it takes to grow. and wich surface would you recomend

  44. Jackie

    June 1st, 2017 at 7:55 am

    Loved this and very funny. I don’t have any jerk face neighbors but I can think of other things to write. This was very informative and I will be doing this.

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