Hello WATER. Bye bye muffin top. Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

Who the hell wants muffin top?  Muffin top is for the birds.  The fat pudgy birds.

Hey muffin top… hit the road, Jack… and don’tcha come back no more, no more, no more, no more.

Do you have that song stuck in your head now?   Welcome to my world.  It’s a gas.

 

 

A little junk in the trunk is okay if you are J-Lo.  Otherwise, I like to cleanse my body with an infusion of water water water.

Detox cleansing water.  It’s a water-gasm.

 

 

This cleansing water is the bees knees ….the cats pyjamas…it will float your boat….fly your kite….and slam your door…. to a better body.  One that weighs less and feels good !

Muffins ~ YES

Muffin top ~ NO

At the end of the day, extra weight lands somewhere.  I would like it to land on my neighbour.

Not me.

Or maybe we could all possibly send the extra weight to our boobs?!!  Unless you are a guy.  A guy would only wish for the added boobery on others.

 

 

Why am I writing a post about detoxing with water, and I sound like a perv ?!

My bad.

My fault.

Your problem.  Ha!

Let’s talk about cleansing our bodies with water.  Every once in a while it is nice to cleanse our temples when they are full of cupcakes and happy hour bevies.

Life is good.  Suck it up, buttercup.   Sure, we drink water.   Awesome water.

 

 

 

In my head, I want to be svelte.  Problem:  Working out at gym.  Physical fitness. Eeeeeeeeeek.

The thought of going to a gym induces my gag reflex.

 

Do you love to work out?  If so, our thought processes are on polar opposites of the planet.   I’m surely living on mars.  With pudgy aliens.  In my own world of NO WORKOUTS.

It seems to me that most people love a good workout.   Why does everyone else like to break a sweat on a treadmill ?!  The horrors.  I’d rather contemplate chocolate and a lot of it.  I might throw a strawberry in there for good measure.

The goal is… truly… to get to the chocolate.

Chocolate is what makes the world go around.

 

Which leads to one other problem :

Chocolate + Summer = Muffin top in the bikini.

Hello string bikini.  NOT.

*gasp*

Bye bye muffin top.

 

 

Want to slim down your muffin top?  I have two words for you ~

Cleansing water

 

Cleansing water has 2 benefits:  It gets rid of extra water weight, but more importantly it makes water taste DELISH all over again.  I don’t believe in fad diets.  Or crash diets.  Or abrupt anything for that matter.  I do believe that it is a good thaaang to drink more water.  I know I don’t get enough of it.  Do you?

I have to trick myself into drinking water.  That’s right.  Trick myself.  Who does that? ME.   I try to outsmart myself with dolling up my water.  How dumb is that?  Not so dumb apparently.  It works.

The water that I drink has dandelion root tea in it.

Sound gross?   You bet.

Taste good?  You bet.

It’s about dandelion root tea and why you should LOVE thee.  Oh hells yeah.

Beware :  Cleansing may make you a bit cranky.    Anything with the words dandelion and root has the potential to make anyone cranky.  Just thinking about eating or drinking a dandelion gave me the heebbie jeebbies at first.

Don’t worry.

You’ll be okay.

 

 

Do you drink enough water ?

I normally hate the stuff.   Water is boring.  On epic levels of boringness.  Blah. Blah. Blah.

Can you truly drink the amount of water that you should be drinking in a day?  Who made up those stupid water rules anyway ?  Someone who likes to punish other people.

Bruisers.  Brutes.  Water meanies.

I think we should all gather together and throw water balloons at them.

 

Water was on my do not do list until I tried this recipe :

 

Here’s the down low …..

Adapted from the Jillian Michaels recipe :

 

Mix in one jug and drink throughout the day :

*   60 ounces of water

*   Juice of 1/2 lemon

*   1 tbsp of pure cranberry juice ( not cranberry cocktail ~ that is just a sugar high waiting to happen.  Bad.  Naughty.  Don’t do it.  Do the pure stuff.  Drink the Mother Theresa of cranberry juice.  The purest of the purest.

*   Tea bell full of fresh mint ( my adaptation to the recipe )

*   One dandelion root tea bag

 

Make a jug of the concoction.  Let the tea bag sit in your water jug all day and drink the water throughout the day.  It tastes delish.  I promise.  Seriously enjoyable.

Jillian Michaels recommends drinking it for 7 days to lose 5 lbs of water weight.  I didn’t do that.  I just drink it for enjoyment.  Water enjoyment.

I weird it up a bit with the mint.  Weird is the new rad.  If you add fresh mint to the water ~ it’s divine.  I used a tea bell since I don’t like furry mint leaves stuck on my teeth.  It’s like taking spinach on the teeth to a whole new level.  Don’t you hate it when spinach sticks on your front teeth?  Me too.  Gross.  We are bosom buddies.

I drink a jug of this funked up water quite often.  Why ?  Because suddenly I don’t hate water anymore.  It is a water miracle.  Who knew that a little lemon and cranberry could take water to a new game of delectably delicious?

Try it.  You will feel like a well oiled machine of awesomeness.

Enjoy your new fangled love of water.  Dare you.  Double dare you.

Be a dragon slayer of muffin top.

Now go forth and try on that string bikini.

Holy shit, panic attack.

String bikini ?! Eeeek.

 

Just go forth and enjoy your feelings of awesomeness.

 

Over to you…..  What do you do to cleanse?  Share with sugar bear.  Come tell me about it on Facebook, Pinterest or Instagram. I want to hear about it.  My bikini is still staring at me and giving me the stink eye.

You’re awesome.

Talk soon,