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VIDEO: You CANcer vive when life falls apart

I don’t know where to begin.  I haven’t had the words to write this blog post for months on end.  Did you wonder where I went?  I’m so sorry that I was gone for so long.  My world came undone.  It unravelled right before my eyes.  Life can change in an instant.

My husband Michael has terminal cancer.

I lost my ability to write for so very long. I couldn’t find a way to say the words out loud, let alone sharing it with thousands of people.   And then the light bulb went off.

We can find the light in the darkness we call cancer.

This is our story. Click here to view it on YouTube :


We’d be honoured if you could please share this video. Share it on FacebookTwitter… anywhere.  Everywhere.  We’re so very grateful for any shares that you can do. We hope that our journey will help make a positive difference in the lives of others.  xoxoxo

Truth is, I had been wearing cement blogging boots.  I stared at the blank page.  I typed. Deleted.  Cried.

How could I find the words? How do I say that the love of my life is dying?  How do I begin to talk about what it feels like to slowly watch your life start to crumble?  How do I describe how cancer can chip away at everything and anyone you have ever loved?

There are no words for that.

To tell you the truth, it even felt wrong to start a blog post with ….

You-cancer-vive by Lynne Knowlton

Because really?

Can we survive? Can we make it through it?

Cancer doesn’t give a shit if it unravels your life.

Cancer has no mercy.

Cancer terrorizes a body, no matter what the cost and irregardless of the obstacles.

  Cancer doesn’t discriminate.

Cancer gets smarter.

Life gets shorter.  Worries get bigger.

#Cancer { video } : When life falls apart ...

I hate cancer.

Please note: this blog post is sad and a complete departure from what I normally write. Please… if it is too much for you, come back another time for fun and inspiring blog posts. I’ll understand. xo

I suppose it’s only natural to stick cancer conversations inside a jar and open the lid for a fleeting moment.   Like it isn’t there.  We ignore it.  Until we can’t.

 
Cancer translation LOL !! Read more on https://lynneknowlton.com/terminal-cancer/


Cancer causes us to re-evaluate our world.  It makes us think about a lot of things.  Deep meaningful things.  Life.  Legacy.  Scary as shit things.  Hospitals.  Chemotherapy.

There was a time when I had a beautiful appreciation of chemotherapy.  Sounds weird, right?  It’s true.  Chemotherapy saved Michael’s life a few years ago.  You may remember it from these blog posts.  I’ll be eternally grateful for how chemo literally brought him back from the brink of death.

Our chemo choice wasn’t a choice this time.

Chemo won’t save his life. 

You better sit yourself down.

 Living a life with cancer https://lynneknowlton.com/terminal-cancer/


what happened


Michael was diagnosed 9 years ago with a one in a million cancer.  His cancer journey has been both on and off chemotherapy.  Chemo truly worked for a very long time.

Until it didn’t.

Recently, his lymphoma has metastasized into an even rarer cancer… a scarier than shit cancer… called leptomeningeal metastasis.

As if one-in-a-million wasn’t enough.  Bloody hell.

Michaels lymphoma has now moved into his central nervous system.  You know that place in the core of your body, where pretty much everything functions from?  That place.  If your body were a car, this would be your engine. It has metastasized into his cerebral spinal fluid, his spinal root nerves and on his brain.

His brain.

It’s a poor prognosis. Most patients live up to 10 months with this kind of cancer.  It makes me cry just to type the words.  I know I still haven’t accepted it.  Not sure that I ever will.

 

Is chemotherapy on cancer like a bandaid on a bullet wound?

Michael had chemo once a week for 7 weeks.  The chemotherapy was injected directly into his cerebral spinal fluid.  He had IV chemo in addition to the weekly intrathecal chemo. His treatment course was weekly chemo, plus chemo for 3 days straight, possibly moving up to 5 days of treatment per month.  The 5 day chemo regime would have been so intense, he would’ve needed to be admitted into the hospital for a week of close monitoring.  That would have meant chemo weekly and for 5 days straight, every month.  He would have been on antibiotics for the rest of his life.

Did you notice how how many times I said chemo in there?

Too many.

Next, Michael was scheduled to have brain surgery to insert an Ommaya reservoir. The purpose of the reservoir is to put a ‘catheter’ into the brain cavity so that they could inject chemo directly into his brain//cerebral spinal fluid every week.  Why? Because his lumbar punctures were difficult and painful procedures to endure and they got harder week after week.


We researched treatment options and nothing was a walk in the park.  Nothing was a cure.  There was no proof that treatment would make a huge impact in Michaels life span.

You CANcer vive https://lynneknowlton.com/terminal-cancer/


We made a decision.

we hit the pause button

We decided to pause all chemotherapy treatments.

Quality over quantity.

I hate those words.  I get those words.

Making these kinds of decisions test you right to the core of your being.  It shakes your belief system. It truly makes you think about every thing and by everything,  I mean everything.

Last week, we went on a road trip.  We played cards.  Looked at the water.  We didn’t think about tomorrow.  We thought about today.
 

When your life falls apart because of cancer https://lynneknowlton.com/terminal-cancer/
Please join us in our journey against cancer https://lynneknowlton.com/terminal-cancer/
Design the Life you want to Live

what now

We don’t know the answer to that question just yet.

Originally, when we sat in the hospital and listened to the Doctors words, shock superseded reality. How could we grasp the gravity of a terminal diagnosis?  I’m not sure we ever will.

My heart and my mind will never accept it.  How can it?  How can you accept that the love of your life will die?  It’s unfathomable. Michael is only 55 years old.  He is my soulmate. My everything.

It’s the little things.  The way he holds my hand.  How he looks at me.  How he has loved me so very much for 20 years.   He truly is one of the most beautiful souls that I have ever known. He’s so easy to love.  I never want it to end.   I can’t imagine what life would be like without him.

Will I ever be enough for my children?  I can’t possibly be.

Like a cheating lover, I sometimes steal moments away and quietly call my friends and family.  Talking about it helps.  Sort of.  Often times, I can’t even grasp the gravity of words that come out of my own mouth.  I feel like I’m standing in someone else’s body. Surely, this must be someone else’s problem.

How can it be real?  How can life unravel right before your eyes?


our children

Lynne Knowlton family YOU CANCER VIVE https://lynneknowlton.com/terminal-cancer/

I swear, the heartbreak is palpable for our children.  How can children possibly grasp that they will lose their beautiful sweet Dad?  It’s not fair.  What about their weddings? What about him being a Grandaddy to their kids?  How will they live without ever seeing him again?

He’s their foundation.

Their rock.

Their everything.

How can we even begin to help them through the saddening journey of slowly saying goodbye?  Is there even a way?   There are no roadmaps for that.  There is no easy way.  There are no answers.  No quick fixes.

Living life with cancer. See more on DESIGN THE LIFE YOU WANT TO LIVE by Lynne Knowlton
Living life with cancer. See more on DESIGN THE LIFE YOU WANT TO LIVE by Lynne Knowlton


Selfishly, I worry that my life will be over.  Just like that.

Everything I have ever known and loved with Michael will be abruptly gone.

I worry that I will have plenty of people to do things with, but nobody to do nothing with. I’m overwhelmed by the thought of the loneliness that I’ll feel.  Our home, our lives, our everything will be left with a giant hole.  The most important part of the puzzle will be missing.  Broken.  Impossible to put back together.  Forever changed.

How can I trust that everything will be okay?

I’ve tried to rage my battles against cancer.  I’ve tried to win this war.  I’ve tried to save my loved ones in their cancer journey.  While we have made the best of the journey, cancer still took them.  Cancer is such an asshole. It makes me feel hopeless sometimes. I’m tired.

I want to feel like I’m one fierce lady.  Like I’m grace under fire.  Like I got this.  I don’t.

As much as I hate to say it, I know that I’m mourning the loss of future memories.

Mostly, we could all do without the change.  There are gentler ways to learn about life. We have always been thankful for good days and bad days, just as long as we kept having days. That was good enough for us.

We all know that life is worth it. We all know we should be fighting for our dreams. We all know that anything is possible.   Right now, I’m in such deep overwhelm, I can’t imagine that anything is possible.  We need a miracle.

Yes we have hope. Yes we live our lives healthy, full of love, surrounded by fresh air and clean living.  Yes, we will never ever give up.  Yes, we have a positive attitude, every single day.   Except maybe today, when I am scared shitless. xo  Will all of that be enough?

Michael doesn’t have a bucket list, but his fucket list is a mile long.

We just want to travel, spend time with friends & family and love on them.  Love on them hard.

making memories

We are…

As for the blog… as strange as this may sound.. it will continue.   I don’t want to let it go. My blog has always been a mix of life, love and laughs mixed with DIY and design… and this will be no exception.

Cancer is not going to hold the keys to our kingdom.

We are going to continue to live life large and share it with you.


I’ll continue to share my real life stories,  projects, inspired design spaces, DIY’s and home ideas …because this blog is therapy for me (and maybe you too?)

Maybe, in some small way, this can teach all of us how to behave in the face of sheer terror and uncertainty.

PSS.  I love you.  That is all.

Together, we got this.

Keep shining your love light,

Lynne Knowlton Design the Life You Want to Live

Video edited & created by Jessica Allossery from The Lovely Indie xo <– I love that gal.


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Wendy Hind

Unfortunately there is no rule book or GPS on how to navigate Cancer but here is some advice……..’Freeze time’, anyway you can! Telling you to be creative is kinda funny, (look who’s been drinking the wine now;) However in my experience I wish time with the ones we loved lasted forever. So do your best, try making a time capsule together, of favorite momentum’s, a poem or words of wisdom that you both love, a picture of your wedding day, a song that reminds you of each other, an article of clothing doused in Micheals favorite cologne etc. Carve your… Read more »

Sam

Dear Lynne
My mother died in May. She had cancer. She loved life very much. I have found the time from diagnosis to now very difficult and it continues to be hard because I miss her so much. One of the most profound comforts to me was reading this book. I can’t recommend it more highly. I hope it will help you and your family in the way it has helped me and mine.
https://withtheendinmind.co.uk/

Michelle Sturino

Dear Lynne, 3 years ago I lost my ultra amazing younger sister to cancer, the one they broke the Mold of, this never to be repeated awesome human being. It has changed me forever as this journey will change you and it will never hurt less (time heals all wounds is bs sista). Like you, she had an incredible sense of humour and it bode her well as she fought to stay with us like I have never seen anyone fight, especially for the sake of her two young children. My heart literally broke reading your blog, it was all… Read more »

Lynn

Lynne – I have nothing but love to share with you and Michael. I will say his name often and think of your family as you travel this journey. I will also host thoughts of the kindest days, the days of no news and just regular dinners. I hope you have so many more of them than you ever imagined possible. Sending you potent juju Sister – and good old straight up love for all you are and do <3

Debra

I was so sad reading you and your husband’s story.

It’s not fair that such heartbreaking things happen to good people.

I wish you strength and love and many new happy memories in your future ahead. ????

Martina

Lynne, my heart goes out to you. Having gone through something similar v with a close family friend (one in a million brain cancer).. all I can say is that you can only take it one day at a time. it still scares me shitless.. even six years later.. even six years after losing someone. You still think about it. It still cuts tender. Sending love to you and your family.

Paula Hanson

I just happened on your blog beautiful people attach beautiful. I am starting this journey with my dad it’s been a week I’m scared shitless truly fear of unknown fear of not having my dad in my life. Thank you you I hope to follow you and I am so sorry you are so right cancer sucks! Love to you and your family. Your blog is sad but oh so true. Thank you for sharing your world! Namaste

Cath

I have just read your so sad blog. Every word resonates with me as I lost my beloved husband to cancer 3 months ago. He was 64. We got our terminal diagnosis on a Thursday, being told months. We were so devastated as you describe so well. Then in the early hours of the following Monday he developed sepsis and so so quickly was gone. You are so right about wanting to make memories because your future ones are stolen from you. His months became 3 days. I cannot stop crying and wanting all the times we wanted to share… Read more »

Audrey A Belanger

I agree. I haven’t seen you for a loooooong time. Thought about you. Was so glad when you popped up today. Enjoyed seeing all your pics and reading all your posts. I don’t have twitter or instagram, just FB,
That could be why I’ve missed a lot. Wishing you the best, look forward to seeing you again

Martha

My life has been so easy I don’t have a right to say anything to you. Cancer hasn’t (yet) touched me or my family, yet it still has the power to scare the bejesus out of me. You are the bravest woman ever.

My wish: a world filled with Michael’s and Lynne’s.

Sending a whole-heep-‘o-many hugs. xoxoxo

Craig

psst… It’s All Messy… and we wouldn’t have it any other way… Just Sayin’.

Disna

Hi there, Another Sunday morning…Time to reflect and appreciate today. In less than two years I’ve lost two sisters & mother. Cancer is the worst word in our language. My brother was recently diagnosed w/liver cancer. I KNOW if this monster catches me, I will not have chemo. I will live my final days in charge & calling the shots. May God hold you & your family in the palm of His Hand!! He is the rock to lean on. God speed!! Love, Diana

Patty Taylor

I know exactly what you’re experiencing. I have been there with my husband. We had 32 wonderful years together… The last 8 months are truly my most memorable and cherished memories. You got this. Xo

Kathy & Todd

We are saddened to hear about Michael and his fight. No words cannot explain how we feel your pain. Times spent with your beautiful family remain as dear memories to us and to see how everyone has grown over the years is quite touching. We are thinking about all of you and send our love Todd & Kathy xo

Judy B

You are a beautiful soul, and a strong, lively woman, I can tell. But it’s okay to let others take care of you once in awhile. Even though you may not want to, you’ve got this. Find the blessings in every day. Wishing you and your family peace and joy while on this journey.

Lois R

I just want to send love and light to you and your family….
Keep on keeping on….
♥️

Pam

Lynne. Everyone’s journey is different when you lose your beloved to cancer. Your road has not even begun yet. It may be presumptuous to do, but I am posting a link to a blogpost I wrote about my own journey after cancer took my husband. I hope it helps you and brings you hope. The thing is, you will come to a point where you give up or engage in the biggest battle of your life for yourself. http://skirtfire.blogspot.com/2011/07/purgatory-and-redemption.html?m=1
I hold you and Michael and your children in prayer. ❤ Pam

Marsha

You have to step back for a bit of a reprieve…..and recharge those energizer batteries!
Your journey is a beautiful, luv filled road that has taken a heartbreaking detour. Make some more memories
Hugs…

Laura Rasmussen

Oh, I am crying. I only know you from downloading (uploading?) your instructions for a thick knit blanket. I am so very sorry you are having to live with cancer. I lost my father when I was 16, he was 42. He had leukemia. I have not experienced it from the spouse perspective. My heart breaks for you. Thank you for sharing your journey. My only hope and comfort came, and comes, from God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. I pray you and your children have this same comfort, or that you will each find it. With love and… Read more »

Lynette

Dear Lynne…I can just feel some of your pain while reading this blog. My father-in-law has but a few weeks left because of cancer and I know what toll its taken on our family. I wish I could do something to share your load…take away your pain or just win some time for you to spend with your hubby. You speak so beautifully about him…I can actually just cry ! I hope that you will find some acceptance in the days to come and that by some miracle your husband will be cured from this.

Hi Lynne,
I just stumbled across your website. The Treehouse and Cabin were profiled in the Venue Report and I followed the link. Your honesty is moving, the bravery and courage of you and Michael to press pause and enjoy life as it is with your children is so inspiring and I can only imagine how precious each moment is. I find myself searching for words however I want you to know that your writing has brought me to tears. My thoughts are with you.

Jenny

Hi Lynne,

I am sending you and your family love and prayers. I used to work with Tristan so it makes it all the harder to read your post. Here’s to you guys making great memories together.

I read this post after reading about the Airstream you renovated. I live in an Airstream and work as a travel Oncology RN. I can’t say I know or understand your pain, but I see it and I feel it, for your husband, you, your family and all of my patients. Your words about it are honest, truthful and so eloquent and even just saying that isn’t easy.

Love, positive vibes/thoughts, prayers and everything else coming your way…

Janet

Hi Lynne and Michael
Cancer has hit our family and we’re grateful that at the moment the prognosis is good. We all know that cancer can be devious and this can change. Thank you for posting this video – you are both facing the future with such grace and acceptance. Thank you for sharing – may God bless you both and your family and give you the strength you need to face whatever lies ahead.

Sue DiStefano

Bless you all. Big love, hugs and courage to you, Michael, and your lovely children. xxx
Sue

Christena L.

I just met you yesterday but I love you too.

Kathleen Collier

Oh dear, I can feel your pain. Lost my late husband in 1995 from complications from diabetes. He was 53 and our son had just turned 14. Bad time for a young man to lose his beloved father who he adored. You are truly blessed to have your beautiful children in your life. Keep things light, happy, loving. Make each day a happy day full of laughter. Most of all, be kind to yourself. Treat yourself with extra care. We don’t realize how much fortitude and mental strength we have until we are faced with adversities. It’s in all of… Read more »

Mia

wow, you are such a brave woman, sharing this very sad news to the world in such an emotional and yet inspiring way. It is strange that a person never stands still at a certain subject until it happens to someone you know. Your story really touched my heart and soul. What else can I say, wish, hope…. That life can be very unfair, wishing the doctor’s had it wrong, hoping for a miracle…. Enjoy every second of his love, keep inspiring each other, live like you never lived before, be strong but dare to cry when things suck. Sending… Read more »

Carol Ann

Having also recently lost my best friend, my husband of only 28 years, I understand. There are no words to make it all better or easier. I still mourn him every day, but I have also come to realize that just “surviving” is not enough. Moving onward and thriving is what I must do now. To thrive means to take care of myself, to honor Dad’s wishes and continue to care for my 94-year old mother. You see, Dad passed away from cancer just two months (to the day) after cancer took my wonderful husband. Double whammy you might say.… Read more »

Jenny

I’m so sorry. I lost my mother to cancer when she was 54 years old and I was 34. I feel for you and your kids. You will be enough for them, but they will miss their father, forever. Keep making memories, they will get you through the harder times. Your post made me realize that I am waiting for “later” to enjoy life and that I need to enjoy my family now.

Love and Light to you and your family.

I’m so sorry that your family is going through this. Thank you for this beautiful, honest, heartbreaking and heartwarming post. We all take so much for granted sometimes and I thank you for reminding me of that. Praying for a miracle for your husband and beautiful family. What an extraordinary man–he literally exudes life. xoxo

Janet

I was on your site because of a knitted blanket pattern that led to an email from you today that I found quite funny and I need funny in my life. Lots of sadness in my life in 2016 but your blog made me think I am blessed and there are a lot of good people in our world…. I will say a prayer for you.

Claire

Namaste my friend! My thoughts are with you and your family. Your wooly friend Claire

Tim

I came here today for the blogging tips……… Ill be staying because of your story.

Don’t ever think about the future if its gonna change the way you feel today.

I know what you mean about the loss of future memories. Your future will be spent enjoying the beautiful memories you’ve already made.

And in your words…….. “Thats a good thang!”

Meghan Schwanke

Dear Lynn, I recently began to follow your blog……..sorry- I didn’t know what you are experiencing with your Michael. people will say many things: “Be strong”, “you’re so strong”, “you’ll move on”…..etc. None of these are true or help. It hurts so much, both emotionally and physically . I never new that. Never knew how much it would hurt even physically. My husband, who was sixty, died four years ago. I admire how your family has made movies and that Michael made the movie on cancer. Just know you are not alone in this world in your sadness. You are… Read more »

Raven Nickerson

Hello sweet heart* I love you ( no you dont know me but I know I love you… ) sister to sister… your writing makes me laugh and cry wonder and wander all over your site.. and I get bored fast but not with your writing.. **and my heart feels you* My husband has been diagnosed and I refuse to go there right now * but some days I do anyway* I am praying hard for a miracle for your husband!!! I love miracles I just do *Lets all reading this just believe Michael and all beings who are told… Read more »

Jem

Lots of love to you and your family. It was such a pleasure meeting both of you in person exactly last year ago. I wish you both more happiness and love!

Michael & Lynne, You are both an inspiration.

Bec Donaghy

( Private message for Lynne) HI Lynne, I just stumbled across the Treehouse site saved in my reading list, I clicked ! We stayed with you last year at the end of the season with our daughter and it was one of the best memories we have of our year in Canada. You have created a beautiful get away and home and I am so saddened to hear of your news about Michael. We only spent a short time talking to you but it was so obvious how much love you have. I lost my brother in a tragic accident… Read more »

I’m so sorry that your husband, you and your family are going through this horrible disease. I wish cancer would get cancer and die !! I would love to get your emails and anything you send out to keep up with what’s going on in your life. My heart goes out to you all and you are all in my prayers. GOD is bigger and stronger than any cancer. <3

I would love to get your weekly emails and hear about what is going in your lives at this point.

Sometimes life sucks the life out of us. Here’s to more love, more hugs and tons of kisses for your entire family.

Tricia D

I had wondered where you went. Life got busy and I got behind on my email. I just saw this today. I am so sorry for what you are all going through. It seems like you have support around you. I have been a long time sufferer of anxiety and came across this website: dailystrength.org. If you are feeling alone or just need to vent in an anonymous manner, you may want to check it out. Hope you are making great memories right now.

Cindy

I’m sending many heartfelt prayers to you and your family ❤️ You are an amazing inspiration to many ❤️

farmkiti

I’m crying right now. I surprised myself by crying; I didn’t think I could cry for people I don’t know. But I can. I think I usually push stuff to the side so that I won’t cry about it, but your story took me so much by surprise that I’m crying. And I realized that feeling bad things is still better than feeling nothing at all. I used to feel nothing at all. I learned that was no good, because then I couldn’t feel anything good, either. I’m not in your boat right now, but I have fears of being… Read more »

Meg

I found your blog this evening. I’m so proud of you.

Julia

All my esoteric resources says that any disease can be healed by person who have it. Any. People have cancer because they choose it to have before reincarnated in this life. I wish I could explain more, it just too much to say. I will pray for your husband and sending all my love to him and you. You are beautiful soul and …. You know what? It just came to me.. What if all your people and family will pray for Michael all in same time for 5 minutes, thinking only one thought: Michael have remission from cancer, he… Read more »

Kate

I can’t say anything… I am speechless right now.

Auntiepatch

I have no words. I’m speechless (and as my husband can tell you, I’m rarely speechless). I thought that you guys had slogged your way out of the cancer swamp and were living la vida loca on the beach of good health with little umbrella drinks in your hands. And then I saw this. My friend, just keep loving on that beautiful man of yours. Spend as much time with him as you can and store those memories in your mind’s eye so that you can replay them any time you want. Blessings on all of you. You will be… Read more »

Jennifer Blanks

Completely heart wrenching! My heart really goes out to you and your family. Thoughts of family, future, grandkids, and weddings are so difficult. I understand your feelings to some degree. My dad is 53 and only has 9% left of his kidneys and still on am waiting list. It’s heart wrenching for my 10 year old to see his grandfather getting sicker, and then my 1 year old may never know who his grandfather is. I have two young brothers that don’t have kids yet or are married (brothers are 25 and 18 yrs old). However, I don’t know what… Read more »

Kim

I came upon your blog through the youtube airstream video. Planning to buy one as soon as I can. Your reno was fabulous and i now have all my ideas in one video, thanks to you. read this blog too. my husband died of esophageal cancer years ago. your feelings have me realizing how much i just sloshed through the whole episode of my life with cancer. keep feeling and living. you are doing it well. The now time is IT!!! I remember the months of now time. Loved every minute that he was alive and near to touch, hear,… Read more »

Donna

Hi – I have been a virtual friend since I first read your blog. I have followed you and feel like I have known you my whole life. Thank you for sharing your journey, your thoughts, and your fears. You have showed us you can survive with friends, prayers, and light. It has been a while since you wrote of your husband and I hope lack of posts just mean he has stabilize and you two are enjoying life. As others have said you are in my thoughts and prayers. Take care my friend!

Totally came across your blog by accident. I was looking for an alternative way to celebrate our anniversary and saw your blog for rental of your cabins. Beautiful blog btw. But couldn’t miss the first line about your husband’s health. Brought me to this. I am so sorry…I don’t know you but you look like you have a wonderful life. I truly wish you and Michael the best and hope you are able to celebrate many more years together.

Rebecca Beattie

Prayers for your family, Lynne. I imagined life was not good when I hadn’t read your blog for so long. There are no words to express how sad and unfair this is. You are so gutsy and strong – hold on to your family and friends. Know your readers all share the same love and support for you.. Hoping you can feel that when you need it most..

Anna

Hi Lynne..thank you for sharing your story. I know it was not easy. I found you through research trying to hang a barn door as cheap as possible. I lost my job, my house, my health declined…. I had just enough to buy a tiny little place..and truly decorating on a dime (penny more like it)… the place was filled with nicotine on everything, at times I really felt like giving up. As uvread the info about the barn door I felt like you are a friend. Love your writing and ideas. And now after reading this story it gives… Read more »

Tiffany

Hi, I found your blog through design mom. I just felt like I should say something after I read this. Your family is brave and I will keep you in my prayers. I do hope to see more blogs from you. You are a talented writer. Bless you all. People are still out here with a listening ear even if we are strangers.

I Lynn….I could say that I came here today to reconnect with a blanket I started knitting months ago. I came back here to watch that video of it, but I now see God had another purpose in my visit here. Lynn first of all may I say that I am wrapping my arms of my heart around you and your dear husband and family with prayer. May I also say that I am entrusting each one of you into my Saviours heart and arms of everlasting Love. I absolutely know that He is the only One Who will carry… Read more »

Vikki

Prayers for you and your family. Thanks for sharing everything.

Lynne – I came here for a chunky blanket knitting pattern and I wandered around and found this post. I had a little hole in my soul yesterday which had something to do with decorating for Halloween and my newly empty nest (small), my in-laws dog suddenly died (bigger) and the fact that I learned that someone I know has a wicked, scary and aggressive breast cancer (pretty f*ing big). My own dad was taken by cancer in six swift weeks way (way) back when I was 15 so that photo of your kids got me. I wish I could… Read more »

Patricia Mahan

Dear Lynn, My heart aches for you and your family. I came upon this blog when I saw a post of the barn door you put up. I was captivated by your story. I know what it feels like to loose a loved one to cancer. I lost my mom and one of my best friends too! It’s not easy, that’s for damn sure! My heart still aches for my mom and for my friend Tara. Your husband is a fighter and so are you and your children. Keep fighting!!! Don’t let cancer win! Jesus is our Lord and Savior… Read more »

Tracy Udeschini

Lynn,

I am so truly sorry for this my heart breaks for you and your husband and your children. I hope that you are able to make more beautiful memories. I hate cancer too.

Tracy

Li

You know, I landed here after seeing a lovely IG pic on Handknit Yarn Studio’s IG feed. It showed a big hank of Cascade Magnum and that led me to your Chunky Blanket and then I saw this post. The blue line up top literally took my breath away. I am very sorry. I’ve been listening to, “Wait for It”, from Hamilton. This verse resonates with my sister, who lost her husband to an unspeakable cancer. “Death doesn’t discriminate Between the sinners And the saints It takes and it takes and it takes And we keep living anyway We rise… Read more »

wow, Lynne. my heart just aches for you. I admire your decision and can only guess at how difficult it must be to enjoy the days and know they are numbered. my good thoughts, loving energy, and warm vibes are with you and your family.

So sorry for all of you. You put your thoughts into words so beautifully. I wish there was anything I could do or say to make it better, but I know there is nothing to take away your grief. Sending hugs and love your way!

Jodi

Hi Lynne, I write this in shock and sadness but the beauty and love you exude help to calm my emotions. I have developed a respect for your work over the last 2 years specifically and from time to time, would go on Airbnb and admire your spaces and love for you work and family.. Living also in Ontario and visiting the Georgian Bay Area, driving through Durham, on many occasions yearly, have allowed me to feel connected to your space. Needless to say, when I went on Airbnb this evening to see if perhaps there was an opening for… Read more »

Lynne, My heart breaks for you and your family! We do not know each other,yet if we did…I would come over and hug you, sit with you, cry with you, pray with you! May the God of all comfort fill you with His peace as you walk this journey. May You be strengthened by the love of your family and those whom you may not even know who will embrace you as you hike this seemingly unsurmountable mountain. May you find hope in the midst of your pain. My words may seem to fall short of what you need right… Read more »