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I don’t know where to begin.  I haven’t had the words to write this blog post for months on end.  Did you wonder where I went?  I’m so sorry that I was gone for so long.  My world came undone.  It unravelled right before my eyes.  Life can change in an instant.

My husband Michael has terminal cancer.

I lost my ability to write for so very long. I couldn’t find a way to say the words out loud, let alone sharing it with thousands of people.   And then the light bulb went off.

We can find the light in the darkness we call cancer.

This is our story. Click here to view it on YouTube :

We’d be honoured if you could please share this video. Share it on FacebookTwitter… anywhere.  Everywhere.  We’re so very grateful for any shares that you can do. We hope that our journey will help make a positive difference in the lives of others.  xoxoxo

Truth is, I had been wearing cement blogging boots.  I stared at the blank page.  I typed. Deleted.  Cried.

How could I find the words? How do I say that the love of my life is dying?  How do I begin to talk about what it feels like to slowly watch your life start to crumble?  How do I describe how cancer can chip away at everything and anyone you have ever loved?

There are no words for that.

To tell you the truth, it even felt wrong to start a blog post with ….

You-cancer-vive by Lynne Knowlton

Because really?

Can we survive? Can we make it through it?

Cancer doesn’t give a shit if it unravels your life.

Cancer has no mercy.

Cancer terrorizes a body, no matter what the cost and irregardless of the obstacles.

  Cancer doesn’t discriminate.

Cancer gets smarter.

Life gets shorter.  Worries get bigger.

#Cancer { video } : When life falls apart ...

I hate cancer.

Please note: this blog post is sad and a complete departure from what I normally write. Please… if it is too much for you, come back another time for fun and inspiring blog posts. I’ll understand. xo

I suppose it’s only natural to stick cancer conversations inside a jar and open the lid for a fleeting moment.   Like it isn’t there.  We ignore it.  Until we can’t.

Cancer translation LOL !! Read more on https://lynneknowlton.com/terminal-cancer/

Cancer causes us to re-evaluate our world.  It makes us think about a lot of things.  Deep meaningful things.  Life.  Legacy.  Scary as shit things.  Hospitals.  Chemotherapy.

There was a time when I had a beautiful appreciation of chemotherapy.  Sounds weird, right?  It’s true.  Chemotherapy saved Michael’s life a few years ago.  You may remember it from these blog posts.  I’ll be eternally grateful for how chemo literally brought him back from the brink of death.

Our chemo choice wasn’t a choice this time.

Chemo won’t save his life. 

You better sit yourself down.

 Living a life with cancer https://lynneknowlton.com/terminal-cancer/

what happened

Michael was diagnosed 9 years ago with a one in a million cancer.  His cancer journey has been both on and off chemotherapy.  Chemo truly worked for a very long time.

Until it didn’t.

Recently, his lymphoma has metastasized into an even rarer cancer… a scarier than shit cancer… called leptomeningeal metastasis.

As if one-in-a-million wasn’t enough.  Bloody hell.

Michaels lymphoma has now moved into his central nervous system.  You know that place in the core of your body, where pretty much everything functions from?  That place.  If your body were a car, this would be your engine. It has metastasized into his cerebral spinal fluid, his spinal root nerves and on his brain.

His brain.

It’s a poor prognosis. Most patients live up to 10 months with this kind of cancer.  It makes me cry just to type the words.  I know I still haven’t accepted it.  Not sure that I ever will.


Is chemotherapy on cancer like a bandaid on a bullet wound?

Michael had chemo once a week for 7 weeks.  The chemotherapy was injected directly into his cerebral spinal fluid.  He had IV chemo in addition to the weekly intrathecal chemo. His treatment course was weekly chemo, plus chemo for 3 days straight, possibly moving up to 5 days of treatment per month.  The 5 day chemo regime would have been so intense, he would’ve needed to be admitted into the hospital for a week of close monitoring.  That would have meant chemo weekly and for 5 days straight, every month.  He would have been on antibiotics for the rest of his life.

Did you notice how how many times I said chemo in there?

Too many.

Next, Michael was scheduled to have brain surgery to insert an Ommaya reservoir. The purpose of the reservoir is to put a ‘catheter’ into the brain cavity so that they could inject chemo directly into his brain//cerebral spinal fluid every week.  Why? Because his lumbar punctures were difficult and painful procedures to endure and they got harder week after week.

We researched treatment options and nothing was a walk in the park.  Nothing was a cure.  There was no proof that treatment would make a huge impact in Michaels life span.

You CANcer vive https://lynneknowlton.com/terminal-cancer/

We made a decision.

we hit the pause button

We decided to pause all chemotherapy treatments.

Quality over quantity.

I hate those words.  I get those words.

Making these kinds of decisions test you right to the core of your being.  It shakes your belief system. It truly makes you think about every thing and by everything,  I mean everything.

Last week, we went on a road trip.  We played cards.  Looked at the water.  We didn’t think about tomorrow.  We thought about today.

When your life falls apart because of cancer https://lynneknowlton.com/terminal-cancer/
Please join us in our journey against cancer https://lynneknowlton.com/terminal-cancer/
Design the Life you want to Live

what now

We don’t know the answer to that question just yet.

Originally, when we sat in the hospital and listened to the Doctors words, shock superseded reality. How could we grasp the gravity of a terminal diagnosis?  I’m not sure we ever will.

My heart and my mind will never accept it.  How can it?  How can you accept that the love of your life will die?  It’s unfathomable. Michael is only 55 years old.  He is my soulmate. My everything.

It’s the little things.  The way he holds my hand.  How he looks at me.  How he has loved me so very much for 20 years.   He truly is one of the most beautiful souls that I have ever known. He’s so easy to love.  I never want it to end.   I can’t imagine what life would be like without him.

Will I ever be enough for my children?  I can’t possibly be.

Like a cheating lover, I sometimes steal moments away and quietly call my friends and family.  Talking about it helps.  Sort of.  Often times, I can’t even grasp the gravity of words that come out of my own mouth.  I feel like I’m standing in someone else’s body. Surely, this must be someone else’s problem.

How can it be real?  How can life unravel right before your eyes?

our children

Lynne Knowlton family YOU CANCER VIVE https://lynneknowlton.com/terminal-cancer/

I swear, the heartbreak is palpable for our children.  How can children possibly grasp that they will lose their beautiful sweet Dad?  It’s not fair.  What about their weddings? What about him being a Grandaddy to their kids?  How will they live without ever seeing him again?

He’s their foundation.

Their rock.

Their everything.

How can we even begin to help them through the saddening journey of slowly saying goodbye?  Is there even a way?   There are no roadmaps for that.  There is no easy way.  There are no answers.  No quick fixes.

Living life with cancer. See more on DESIGN THE LIFE YOU WANT TO LIVE by Lynne Knowlton
Living life with cancer. See more on DESIGN THE LIFE YOU WANT TO LIVE by Lynne Knowlton

Selfishly, I worry that my life will be over.  Just like that.

Everything I have ever known and loved with Michael will be abruptly gone.

I worry that I will have plenty of people to do things with, but nobody to do nothing with. I’m overwhelmed by the thought of the loneliness that I’ll feel.  Our home, our lives, our everything will be left with a giant hole.  The most important part of the puzzle will be missing.  Broken.  Impossible to put back together.  Forever changed.

How can I trust that everything will be okay?

I’ve tried to rage my battles against cancer.  I’ve tried to win this war.  I’ve tried to save my loved ones in their cancer journey.  While we have made the best of the journey, cancer still took them.  Cancer is such an asshole. It makes me feel hopeless sometimes. I’m tired.

I want to feel like I’m one fierce lady.  Like I’m grace under fire.  Like I got this.  I don’t.

As much as I hate to say it, I know that I’m mourning the loss of future memories.

Mostly, we could all do without the change.  There are gentler ways to learn about life. We have always been thankful for good days and bad days, just as long as we kept having days. That was good enough for us.

We all know that life is worth it. We all know we should be fighting for our dreams. We all know that anything is possible.   Right now, I’m in such deep overwhelm, I can’t imagine that anything is possible.  We need a miracle.

Yes we have hope. Yes we live our lives healthy, full of love, surrounded by fresh air and clean living.  Yes, we will never ever give up.  Yes, we have a positive attitude, every single day.   Except maybe today, when I am scared shitless. xo  Will all of that be enough?

Michael doesn’t have a bucket list, but his fucket list is a mile long.

We just want to travel, spend time with friends & family and love on them.  Love on them hard.

making memories

We are…

As for the blog… as strange as this may sound.. it will continue.   I don’t want to let it go. My blog has always been a mix of life, love and laughs mixed with DIY and design… and this will be no exception.

Cancer is not going to hold the keys to our kingdom.

We are going to continue to live life large and share it with you.

I’ll continue to share my real life stories,  projects, inspired design spaces, DIY’s and home ideas …because this blog is therapy for me (and maybe you too?)

Maybe, in some small way, this can teach all of us how to behave in the face of sheer terror and uncertainty.

PSS.  I love you.  That is all.

Together, we got this.

Keep shining your love light,

Lynne Knowlton Design the Life You Want to Live

Video edited & created by Jessica Allossery from The Lovely Indie xo <– I love that gal.

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  1. Wendy Hind says:

    Unfortunately there is no rule book or GPS on how to navigate Cancer but here is some advice……..’Freeze time’, anyway you can!
    Telling you to be creative is kinda funny, (look who’s been drinking the wine now;) However in my experience I wish time with the ones we loved lasted forever. So do your best, try making a time capsule together, of favorite momentum’s, a poem or words of wisdom that you both love, a picture of your wedding day, a song that reminds you of each other, an article of clothing doused in Micheals favorite cologne etc. Carve your initials on a tree (so long as it doesn’t damage the tree of course;). Make a blanket for Micheal to keep him warm out of swatches of old sweaters from you and the kids. As much as you need pieces of him it is equally comforting knowing he has pieces of each of you. Make a mold of Micheals hand to hold to give you strength. Record his heart beat and put it in your pillow (I’m sure that’s a thing, right?;)
    This probably sounds ridiculous now but what’s so wrong with a little ridiculous if it’s going to help you when you need it most?
    Your love for each other is palpable and I am deeply sorry that Cancer found a way into the lives of such a beautiful man and family. You are all in our thoughts and prayers.

    • Wendy,
      Thank you so very much for your ideas. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. A time capsule is a great idea xoxoxo. We live on a 100 acre piece of property and funny enough… I just found Michaels favourite Swiss Army knife. You have inspired us to go for a walk and carve some initials in a tree. We love trees!

      And recording things on my phone as voice memos / heart beats / moments / I super love that idea. Thank you so very much.

      Big love,
      Lynne xoxoxo

  2. Sam says:

    Dear Lynne
    My mother died in May. She had cancer. She loved life very much. I have found the time from diagnosis to now very difficult and it continues to be hard because I miss her so much. One of the most profound comforts to me was reading this book. I can’t recommend it more highly. I hope it will help you and your family in the way it has helped me and mine.

  3. Michelle Sturino says:

    Dear Lynne,

    3 years ago I lost my ultra amazing younger sister to cancer, the one they broke the Mold of, this never to be repeated awesome human being. It has changed me forever as this journey will change you and it will never hurt less (time heals all wounds is bs sista). Like you, she had an incredible sense of humour and it bode her well as she fought to stay with us like I have never seen anyone fight, especially for the sake of her two young children. My heart literally broke reading your blog, it was all too real once again for me and I hurt for you and your family and most of all for your husband who faces so much more than any us who are left behind. Yet even though the tears flow as I type this, I am filled with an empathy and gratitude that you put your everything out into this forum hopefully for your own sake as you try to navigate this journey but it also is a reminder to everyone to cherish the here and now, pick your battles, love fiercely, treasure the little things and be humble because life can be so fleeting. I began following you on social media because of our mutual love of Airstreams and design and let’s face it, your Airstream rocks! Today I gained an incredible perspective of you the person and I am truly sorry this f*#%!@g disease has come after your family…..sending positive thoughts and a virtual hug……

  4. Lynn says:

    Lynne – I have nothing but love to share with you and Michael. I will say his name often and think of your family as you travel this journey. I will also host thoughts of the kindest days, the days of no news and just regular dinners. I hope you have so many more of them than you ever imagined possible. Sending you potent juju Sister – and good old straight up love for all you are and do <3

  5. Debra says:

    I was so sad reading you and your husband’s story.

    It’s not fair that such heartbreaking things happen to good people.

    I wish you strength and love and many new happy memories in your future ahead. ????

  6. Martina says:

    Lynne, my heart goes out to you. Having gone through something similar v with a close family friend (one in a million brain cancer).. all I can say is that you can only take it one day at a time. it still scares me shitless.. even six years later.. even six years after losing someone. You still think about it. It still cuts tender. Sending love to you and your family.

  7. Paula Hanson says:

    I just happened on your blog beautiful people attach beautiful. I am starting this journey with my dad it’s been a week I’m scared shitless truly fear of unknown fear of not having my dad in my life. Thank you you I hope to follow you and I am so sorry you are so right cancer sucks! Love to you and your family. Your blog is sad but oh so true. Thank you for sharing your world! Namaste

  8. Cath says:

    I have just read your so sad blog. Every word resonates with me as I lost my beloved husband to cancer 3 months ago. He was 64. We got our terminal diagnosis on a Thursday, being told months. We were so devastated as you describe so well. Then in the early hours of the following Monday he developed sepsis and so so quickly was gone. You are so right about wanting to make memories because your future ones are stolen from you. His months became 3 days. I cannot stop crying and wanting all the times we wanted to share even for those months we thought we had. So I am thinking of you as you follow your path and pray you can make many many memories to sustain you in the future. Sending lots of love from Liverpool England.

  9. Audrey A Belanger says:

    I agree. I haven’t seen you for a loooooong time. Thought about you. Was so glad when you popped up today. Enjoyed seeing all your pics and reading all your posts. I don’t have twitter or instagram, just FB,
    That could be why I’ve missed a lot. Wishing you the best, look forward to seeing you again

  10. Martha says:

    My life has been so easy I don’t have a right to say anything to you. Cancer hasn’t (yet) touched me or my family, yet it still has the power to scare the bejesus out of me. You are the bravest woman ever.

    My wish: a world filled with Michael’s and Lynne’s.

    Sending a whole-heep-‘o-many hugs. xoxoxo

  11. Craig says:

    psst… It’s All Messy… and we wouldn’t have it any other way… Just Sayin’.

  12. Disna says:

    Hi there, Another Sunday morning…Time to reflect and appreciate today. In less than two years I’ve lost two sisters & mother. Cancer is the worst word in our language. My brother was recently diagnosed w/liver cancer. I KNOW if this monster catches me, I will not have chemo. I will live my final days in charge & calling the shots. May God hold you & your family in the palm of His Hand!! He is the rock to lean on. God speed!! Love, Diana

  13. Patty Taylor says:

    I know exactly what you’re experiencing. I have been there with my husband. We had 32 wonderful years together… The last 8 months are truly my most memorable and cherished memories. You got this. Xo

  14. Kathy & Todd says:

    We are saddened to hear about Michael and his fight. No words cannot explain how we feel your pain. Times spent with your beautiful family remain as dear memories to us and to see how everyone has grown over the years is quite touching. We are thinking about all of you and send our love Todd & Kathy xo

  15. Judy B says:

    You are a beautiful soul, and a strong, lively woman, I can tell. But it’s okay to let others take care of you once in awhile. Even though you may not want to, you’ve got this. Find the blessings in every day. Wishing you and your family peace and joy while on this journey.

  16. Lois R says:

    I just want to send love and light to you and your family….
    Keep on keeping on….

  17. Pam says:

    Lynne. Everyone’s journey is different when you lose your beloved to cancer. Your road has not even begun yet. It may be presumptuous to do, but I am posting a link to a blogpost I wrote about my own journey after cancer took my husband. I hope it helps you and brings you hope. The thing is, you will come to a point where you give up or engage in the biggest battle of your life for yourself. http://skirtfire.blogspot.com/2011/07/purgatory-and-redemption.html?m=1
    I hold you and Michael and your children in prayer. ❤ Pam

  18. Marsha says:

    You have to step back for a bit of a reprieve…..and recharge those energizer batteries!
    Your journey is a beautiful, luv filled road that has taken a heartbreaking detour. Make some more memories

  19. Laura Rasmussen says:

    Oh, I am crying. I only know you from downloading (uploading?) your instructions for a thick knit blanket. I am so very sorry you are having to live with cancer. I lost my father when I was 16, he was 42. He had leukemia. I have not experienced it from the spouse perspective. My heart breaks for you. Thank you for sharing your journey. My only hope and comfort came, and comes, from God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. I pray you and your children have this same comfort, or that you will each find it. With love and true connection with your gentle spirit–

  20. Lynette says:

    Dear Lynne…I can just feel some of your pain while reading this blog. My father-in-law has but a few weeks left because of cancer and I know what toll its taken on our family. I wish I could do something to share your load…take away your pain or just win some time for you to spend with your hubby. You speak so beautifully about him…I can actually just cry ! I hope that you will find some acceptance in the days to come and that by some miracle your husband will be cured from this.

  21. Valerie says:

    Hi Lynne,
    I just stumbled across your website. The Treehouse and Cabin were profiled in the Venue Report and I followed the link. Your honesty is moving, the bravery and courage of you and Michael to press pause and enjoy life as it is with your children is so inspiring and I can only imagine how precious each moment is. I find myself searching for words however I want you to know that your writing has brought me to tears. My thoughts are with you.

    • Hi Valerie

      Thank you so much for writing to me. I was inspired by YOUR words. I love that the treehouse and cabin were profiled in The Venue Report too! Do you have the link where you saw it?

      Big love,

  22. Jenny says:

    Hi Lynne,

    I am sending you and your family love and prayers. I used to work with Tristan so it makes it all the harder to read your post. Here’s to you guys making great memories together.

  23. Melanie R says:

    I read this post after reading about the Airstream you renovated. I live in an Airstream and work as a travel Oncology RN. I can’t say I know or understand your pain, but I see it and I feel it, for your husband, you, your family and all of my patients. Your words about it are honest, truthful and so eloquent and even just saying that isn’t easy.

    Love, positive vibes/thoughts, prayers and everything else coming your way…

  24. Janet says:

    Hi Lynne and Michael
    Cancer has hit our family and we’re grateful that at the moment the prognosis is good. We all know that cancer can be devious and this can change. Thank you for posting this video – you are both facing the future with such grace and acceptance. Thank you for sharing – may God bless you both and your family and give you the strength you need to face whatever lies ahead.

  25. Sue DiStefano says:

    Bless you all. Big love, hugs and courage to you, Michael, and your lovely children. xxx

  26. Christena L. says:

    I just met you yesterday but I love you too.

  27. Kathleen Collier says:

    Oh dear, I can feel your pain. Lost my late husband in 1995 from complications from diabetes. He was 53 and our son had just turned 14. Bad time for a young man to lose his beloved father who he adored.
    You are truly blessed to have your beautiful children in your life. Keep things light, happy, loving. Make each day a happy day full of laughter. Most of all, be kind to yourself. Treat yourself with extra care.
    We don’t realize how much fortitude and mental strength we have until we are faced with adversities. It’s in all of us. My thoughts and prayers for you, your husband and your entire family. Stay strong.

  28. Mia says:

    wow, you are such a brave woman, sharing this very sad news to the world in such an emotional and yet inspiring way. It is strange that a person never stands still at a certain subject until it happens to someone you know. Your story really touched my heart and soul. What else can I say, wish, hope…. That life can be very unfair, wishing the doctor’s had it wrong, hoping for a miracle…. Enjoy every second of his love, keep inspiring each other, live like you never lived before, be strong but dare to cry when things suck. Sending you positive vibes and thanks again for sharing your story. A story that may/can be a boost for others who are in a similar position. Love your therapy.

  29. Carol Ann says:

    Having also recently lost my best friend, my husband of only 28 years, I understand. There are no words to make it all better or easier. I still mourn him every day, but I have also come to realize that just “surviving” is not enough. Moving onward and thriving is what I must do now. To thrive means to take care of myself, to honor Dad’s wishes and continue to care for my 94-year old mother. You see, Dad passed away from cancer just two months (to the day) after cancer took my wonderful husband. Double whammy you might say. Cancer is like that – blindsiding you when you least expect it. But I refuse to give in or give up. We are strong women even when we don’t feel like it. We will thrive. Live life. Enjoy love of family. And, yes, my home is painted white, too! (Couldn’t resist adding that). My love to you…

  30. Jenny says:

    I’m so sorry. I lost my mother to cancer when she was 54 years old and I was 34. I feel for you and your kids. You will be enough for them, but they will miss their father, forever. Keep making memories, they will get you through the harder times. Your post made me realize that I am waiting for “later” to enjoy life and that I need to enjoy my family now.

    Love and Light to you and your family.

  31. I’m so sorry that your family is going through this. Thank you for this beautiful, honest, heartbreaking and heartwarming post. We all take so much for granted sometimes and I thank you for reminding me of that. Praying for a miracle for your husband and beautiful family. What an extraordinary man–he literally exudes life. xoxo

  32. Janet says:

    I was on your site because of a knitted blanket pattern that led to an email from you today that I found quite funny and I need funny in my life. Lots of sadness in my life in 2016 but your blog made me think I am blessed and there are a lot of good people in our world…. I will say a prayer for you.

  33. Claire says:

    Namaste my friend! My thoughts are with you and your family. Your wooly friend Claire

  34. Tim says:

    I came here today for the blogging tips……… Ill be staying because of your story.

    Don’t ever think about the future if its gonna change the way you feel today.

    I know what you mean about the loss of future memories. Your future will be spent enjoying the beautiful memories you’ve already made.

    And in your words…….. “Thats a good thang!”

  35. Meghan Schwanke says:

    Dear Lynn,
    I recently began to follow your blog……..sorry- I didn’t know what you are experiencing with your Michael.
    people will say many things: “Be strong”, “you’re so strong”, “you’ll move on”…..etc. None of these are true or help.
    It hurts so much, both emotionally and physically . I never new that. Never knew how much it would hurt even physically. My husband, who was sixty, died four years ago. I admire how your family has made movies and that Michael made the movie on cancer. Just know you are not alone in this world in your sadness. You are stepping into a new reality which others share; many do not yet.
    Thinking of you,though I do not know you, Meghan

  36. Raven Nickerson says:

    Hello sweet heart*
    I love you ( no you dont know me but I know I love you… ) sister to sister… your writing makes me laugh and cry wonder and wander all over your site.. and I get bored fast but not with your writing.. **and my heart feels you* My husband has been diagnosed and I refuse to go there right now * but some days I do anyway* I am praying hard for a miracle for your husband!!! I love miracles I just do *Lets all reading this just believe Michael and all beings who are told they are terminal be miraculously healed instantly* I see doctors saying wow we made a mistake * wrong diagnosis.. when two or more agree it is so.. Hey why not believe in miracles.. *** Go to that happy place when ever you can* All we have is today is my mantra* Thank you for your raw honesty * May you and your family be so blessed* every day every minute* ah* Raven

  37. Jem says:

    Lots of love to you and your family. It was such a pleasure meeting both of you in person exactly last year ago. I wish you both more happiness and love!

    Michael & Lynne, You are both an inspiration.

  38. Bec Donaghy says:

    ( Private message for Lynne)
    HI Lynne,
    I just stumbled across the Treehouse site saved in my reading list, I clicked ! We stayed with you last year at the end of the season with our daughter and it was one of the best memories we have of our year in Canada. You have created a beautiful get away and home and I am so saddened to hear of your news about Michael. We only spent a short time talking to you but it was so obvious how much love you have. I lost my brother in a tragic accident 14 years ago and it still takes my breath away and leaves me disabled for hours but I feel so lucky to have known him and to have had a love so deep. I think a lot of people in this world do not know of such joy and happiness knowing such a love – for a brother a friend or lover and I am thankful everyday that I have know that and for my beautiful wife and daughter. I hope you can all find some peace in what you are all going through and find a way to celebrate his life at every chance you get. We were going through a really tough time as a family last year and your beautiful treehouse was like respite for us, I never got around to thanking you, so Thanks-you!
    We all have the most wonderful memories of that weekend and Anna still talks about the big slippery-slide! Sending you strength for the coming months and what you have ahead, look after yourself and in time I hope you will be able to breath again. Much love Bec Nicola and Anna ( Australia)

  39. AMY OGLETREE says:

    I’m so sorry that your husband, you and your family are going through this horrible disease. I wish cancer would get cancer and die !! I would love to get your emails and anything you send out to keep up with what’s going on in your life. My heart goes out to you all and you are all in my prayers. GOD is bigger and stronger than any cancer. <3

  40. AMY OGLETREE says:

    I would love to get your weekly emails and hear about what is going in your lives at this point.

  41. Carole says:

    Sometimes life sucks the life out of us. Here’s to more love, more hugs and tons of kisses for your entire family.

  42. Tricia D says:

    I had wondered where you went. Life got busy and I got behind on my email. I just saw this today. I am so sorry for what you are all going through. It seems like you have support around you. I have been a long time sufferer of anxiety and came across this website: dailystrength.org. If you are feeling alone or just need to vent in an anonymous manner, you may want to check it out. Hope you are making great memories right now.

  43. Cindy says:

    I’m sending many heartfelt prayers to you and your family ❤️ You are an amazing inspiration to many ❤️

  44. farmkiti says:

    I’m crying right now. I surprised myself by crying; I didn’t think I could cry for people I don’t know. But I can. I think I usually push stuff to the side so that I won’t cry about it, but your story took me so much by surprise that I’m crying. And I realized that feeling bad things is still better than feeling nothing at all. I used to feel nothing at all. I learned that was no good, because then I couldn’t feel anything good, either.

    I’m not in your boat right now, but I have fears of being in your boat. My hubby smoked for 40 years (he did finally quit 4 years ago) and served in Desert Storm. He got gassed and breathed in the pollution that is created when 9 million oil wells are set on fire. The sky was black; he couldn’t see the sun. So he has serious COPD. It’s hard for him to breath. And I really want him to keep on breathing. Just like you want your hubby to keep on breathing.

    I’m sorry for whining; you’re facing a lot more than I am right now. You’re facing my worst fear. And you shouldn’t have to face my fear along with your own, so I’m taking my fear back. You don’t need it. You’ve got more than your share of fear right now. It’s not fair.

    I am amazed by your grace and strength. I know you may not feel strong, but most of us are stronger than we think. And the part that sucks is that our strength gets tested. I wish you didn’t have to be tested.

    I can’t seem to say anything helpful here, because I feel like nothing I can do will help. I will think about you and your family often, and will send you the best vibes I can. Oh, yeah – that means I love you. I know, we’ve never met, but I feel like I know you because you’ve revealed your beautiful self online. You have made a difference in my life. You have encouraged me to be brave.

    And oh: those beautiful kids of yours? You will help each other. They will give you reasons to get up in the morning. I lost my only son to a car wreck, and his memory helps me go on when things suck. I can tell you this from experience: it will get easier. It will take a long time, but it will. Just remember all the love you’ve generated by opening yourself up to the whole world. All the love you’ve put out there comes back to you. I hope it will help you when you need it most.

    I wish you and your husband a trillion, zillion wonderful memories to cherish.

  45. Meg says:

    I found your blog this evening. I’m so proud of you.

  46. Julia says:

    All my esoteric resources says that any disease can be healed by person who have it. Any. People have cancer because they choose it to have before reincarnated in this life. I wish I could explain more, it just too much to say. I will pray for your husband and sending all my love to him and you. You are beautiful soul and ….
    You know what? It just came to me.. What if all your people and family will pray for Michael all in same time for 5 minutes, thinking only one thought: Michael have remission from cancer, he become completley healthy person. Energy of thoughts is very powerful and strong thing, people very much underestimate it. Small group of people can stop rain or stop torando, proven fact! if they direct their energy and consciousness to certain thing. Cancer will go away too! We can help, or at least try. Lets set day and time and try? Please, dont judge me for this words, this is what at least I can do to help.

  47. Kate says:

    I can’t say anything… I am speechless right now.

  48. Auntiepatch says:

    I have no words. I’m speechless (and as my husband can tell you, I’m rarely speechless). I thought that you guys had slogged your way out of the cancer swamp and were living la vida loca on the beach of good health with little umbrella drinks in your hands. And then I saw this. My friend, just keep loving on that beautiful man of yours. Spend as much time with him as you can and store those memories in your mind’s eye so that you can replay them any time you want.
    Blessings on all of you. You will be in my prayers.
    Love ya ~ Auntiepatch

  49. Jennifer Blanks says:

    Completely heart wrenching! My heart really goes out to you and your family. Thoughts of family, future, grandkids, and weddings are so difficult. I understand your feelings to some degree. My dad is 53 and only has 9% left of his kidneys and still on am waiting list. It’s heart wrenching for my 10 year old to see his grandfather getting sicker, and then my 1 year old may never know who his grandfather is. I have two young brothers that don’t have kids yet or are married (brothers are 25 and 18 yrs old). However, I don’t know what it’s like to have a sick spouse that is going through such a thing as what your are both going through.. I highly commend you for enjoying and taking advantage of “the now.” You are both so brave. Thank you both for your inspiration, being so real, and sharing such a personal story.. My prayers are with you and your family always. ❤️

  50. Kim says:

    I came upon your blog through the youtube airstream video. Planning to buy one as soon as I can. Your reno was fabulous and i now have all my ideas in one video, thanks to you. read this blog too. my husband died of esophageal cancer years ago. your feelings have me realizing how much i just sloshed through the whole episode of my life with cancer. keep feeling and living. you are doing it well. The now time is IT!!! I remember the months of now time. Loved every minute that he was alive and near to touch, hear, and see. Be in it and trust that later will behave how it should because you have resources. somehow you learn to love him near and far. as if he were in another country and you know of each others’ existence and that you two still love each other. it sure isn’t easy and i do remember often touching the back of my husband’s neck (loved that spot) and knowing those moments would stay with me for my life forward. and they have. thanks for the wonderful blogpost and i am now a subscriber.

  51. Donna says:

    Hi – I have been a virtual friend since I first read your blog. I have followed you and feel like I have known you my whole life. Thank you for sharing your journey, your thoughts, and your fears. You have showed us you can survive with friends, prayers, and light. It has been a while since you wrote of your husband and I hope lack of posts just mean he has stabilize and you two are enjoying life. As others have said you are in my thoughts and prayers. Take care my friend!

  52. Nicole says:

    Totally came across your blog by accident. I was looking for an alternative way to celebrate our anniversary and saw your blog for rental of your cabins. Beautiful blog btw. But couldn’t miss the first line about your husband’s health. Brought me to this. I am so sorry…I don’t know you but you look like you have a wonderful life. I truly wish you and Michael the best and hope you are able to celebrate many more years together.

  53. Rebecca Beattie says:

    Prayers for your family, Lynne. I imagined life was not good when I hadn’t read your blog for so long. There are no words to express how sad and unfair this is. You are so gutsy and strong – hold on to your family and friends. Know your readers all share the same love and support for you.. Hoping you can feel that when you need it most..

  54. Anna says:

    Hi Lynne..thank you for sharing your story. I know it was not easy. I found you through research trying to hang a barn door as cheap as possible. I lost my job, my house, my health declined…. I had just enough to buy a tiny little place..and truly decorating on a dime (penny more like it)… the place was filled with nicotine on everything, at times I really felt like giving up. As uvread the info about the barn door I felt like you are a friend. Love your writing and ideas. And now after reading this story it gives me courage, that we don’t know what tomorrow is going to brIng but we find the joy and grace and we gravitate towards this. I have not had the easiest life… and laughter has always been my best friend….when nothing else was ‘there’ ….. I have turned to it. Thank you.. your new friend.

  55. Tiffany says:

    Hi, I found your blog through design mom. I just felt like I should say something after I read this. Your family is brave and I will keep you in my prayers. I do hope to see more blogs from you. You are a talented writer. Bless you all. People are still out here with a listening ear even if we are strangers.

  56. I
    Lynn….I could say that I came here today to reconnect with a blanket I started knitting months ago.
    I came back here to watch that video of it, but I now see God had another purpose in my visit here.
    Lynn first of all may I say that I am wrapping my arms of my heart around you and your dear husband and family with prayer. May I also say that I am entrusting each one of you into my Saviours heart and arms of everlasting Love.
    I absolutely know that He is the only One Who will carry you through this time.
    His love is relentless for each one of you…always/especially now,
    Praying that each and every moment you will know His love, His peace that passes human understanding, His strength in your weakness, His healing mercies ….and His joy.

    I will remember you all in prayer and if there is any specific ways I can pray I would love to know and intercede for you all xo

    In His love and friendship,
    Deborah xo

  57. Vikki says:

    Prayers for you and your family. Thanks for sharing everything.

  58. Maggie Green says:

    Lynne – I came here for a chunky blanket knitting pattern and I wandered around and found this post. I had a little hole in my soul yesterday which had something to do with decorating for Halloween and my newly empty nest (small), my in-laws dog suddenly died (bigger) and the fact that I learned that someone I know has a wicked, scary and aggressive breast cancer (pretty f*ing big). My own dad was taken by cancer in six swift weeks way (way) back when I was 15 so that photo of your kids got me. I wish I could say something that you could take with you today to feel a little lighter, but I’m not sure there are words to share, only feelings. So maybe having a complete stranger come in to say hi and I hope today is an OK day for you is enough? Let’s try that. I’ll knit my blanket (but likely won’t finish it because that’s me) and I’ll think of you. – Maggie (PS: I had popcorn for dinner last night, as I do pretty much once a week – I get that)

  59. Patricia Mahan says:

    Dear Lynn,
    My heart aches for you and your family. I came upon this blog when I saw a post of the barn door you put up. I was captivated by your story. I know what it feels like to loose a loved one to cancer. I lost my mom and one of my best friends too! It’s not easy, that’s for damn sure! My heart still aches for my mom and for my friend Tara. Your husband is a fighter and so are you and your children. Keep fighting!!! Don’t let cancer win! Jesus is our Lord and Savior and God is our comfort. I pray for all of you that through Jesus Christ, you can find comfort and healing.
    “Gentle Jesus, who cured the sick and laid a healing hand upon the lame, the blind and the handicapped, look with compassion upon me in my suffering. If it is not your Will to cure me, then give me strength to bear my burden and offer it up to You. You suffered so much for me. Give me grace to offer my sufferings in union with Your own, in reparation for my sins and those of others, for the needs of this troubled world, and for the release of the souls in purgatory. Mary, compassionate Mother, pray for your weary child. Health of the Sick, Comforter of the Afflicted, pray for me. Amen.”
    Keep in mind that if we trust in God to do what is good for us, and reinforce this trust through prayers such as this one, we can achieve that wonderful state of grace where we can be content in sickness or in health, knowing that God is in charge and wishes to bring about our good for His glory, no matter what may happen.

    my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family,

    • Thank you Patti, for your lovely words. It isn’t easy to lose beautiful souls to cancer. It must have been so hard to lose your Mom and your best friend.

      Sending you light and love, and working on winning…
      Lynne xx

  60. Tracy Udeschini says:


    I am so truly sorry for this my heart breaks for you and your husband and your children. I hope that you are able to make more beautiful memories. I hate cancer too.


  61. Li says:

    You know, I landed here after seeing a lovely IG pic on Handknit Yarn Studio’s IG feed. It showed a big hank of Cascade Magnum and that led me to your Chunky Blanket and then I saw this post. The blue line up top literally took my breath away. I am very sorry. I’ve been listening to, “Wait for It”, from Hamilton. This verse resonates with my sister, who lost her husband to an unspeakable cancer.

    “Death doesn’t discriminate
    Between the sinners
    And the saints
    It takes and it takes and it takes
    And we keep living anyway
    We rise and we fall
    And we break
    And we make our mistakes
    And if there’s a reason I’m still alive
    When everyone who loves me has died
    I’m willing to wait for it
    I’m willing to wait for it
    Wait for it.”

    None of us know the answer to the mystery of our life, nor can we see the big picture from where we are. Sometimes I think we are here on earth to witness the miracles of creation – your husband’s eyelashes, for instance – and in those, to recognize the work of a greater power. If only we could escape the fear and pain inherent in living. We cannot, but we can hold each other’s hands, cry alongside each other and share the path laid before us. I hope you find strength and resolve and ultimately peace. I will keep your family in my thoughts and light a flame. I think dying and death, with deep love and true friendship in attendance, is blessed. Be the gentle warrior.

    • Wow. Your words took my breath away, Li… in a good way… Thank YOU for reminding us all to be the gentle warrior. I’m going to definitely listen to WAIT FOR IT. Can’t wait. Big love, Lynne xx

  62. annie kip says:

    wow, Lynne. my heart just aches for you. I admire your decision and can only guess at how difficult it must be to enjoy the days and know they are numbered. my good thoughts, loving energy, and warm vibes are with you and your family.

  63. So sorry for all of you. You put your thoughts into words so beautifully. I wish there was anything I could do or say to make it better, but I know there is nothing to take away your grief. Sending hugs and love your way!

  64. Jodi says:

    Hi Lynne,
    I write this in shock and sadness but the beauty and love you exude help to calm my emotions. I have developed a respect for your work over the last 2 years specifically and from time to time, would go on Airbnb and admire your spaces and love for you work and family.. Living also in Ontario and visiting the Georgian Bay Area, driving through Durham, on many occasions yearly, have allowed me to feel connected to your space. Needless to say, when I went on Airbnb this evening to see if perhaps there was an opening for the airstream or treehouse, I was concerned with it being gone and it was no longer listed in my saved places. When I went to your website, I was instantly overwhelmed with sadness and shock… That being said, you are a beautiful soul and Michaels helped in creating that as you have helped in creating his. Not one thing will take away this pain but you will find subtleties that assist in the process.
    I’m 33 and my dad passed away at 54, 4 years ago. Truly believing that you will reunite one day and living day to day with believing your loved one doesn’t want you to be sad but rather live in the moment and love your present and welcome the future. If they see you sad, they will feel sad, and we don’t want anyone to be more sad than they already are. The mourning is unthinkable and emotions are so deep and heavy- almost too much… Accept all emotions you are going through.
    Cherish your days and promise each other you will live and ‘do’ daily as proud as you can until the day you meet again.

    I wish you nothing but love and strength. I felt compelled to leave you with my thoughts. Sending you soooo much strength and positivity.

  65. Lucy Ann says:


    My heart breaks for you and your family! We do not know each other,yet if we did…I would come over and hug you, sit with you, cry with you, pray with you! May the God of all comfort fill you with His peace as you walk this journey. May You be strengthened by the love of your family and those whom you may not even know who will embrace you as you hike this seemingly unsurmountable mountain. May you find hope in the midst of your pain.

    My words may seem to fall short of what you need right now so I leave you with hope from God’s word:
    Isaiah 41:10 “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand” My heart sends you love!

    Believing for a Miracle with you!!!
    Lucy Ann

  66. Susan Wakefield says:

    Dear Lynne

    You share love and you have a big love for your husband and family Have faith in that love and it will give you the strength you need. I had the pleasure of meeting one of your lovely daughters a day or two ago. She was heading back to school, embracing life and moving forward in the face of things without mention of the enormity of the challenge the family is facing. From my brief encounter you and your husband should be proud.

  67. Tom enright says:

    YOUR COURAGE IS NOW MY INSPIRATION. All my love and thoughts are with you Mike and your beautiful family…. Mr. E

  68. Sue says:

    Oh, Lynne….what a beautiful video and post. I physically feel The Pain. The Helplessness. The Despair. But more importantly….I feel The Love. The Grace. The Gratitude. Thank you for sharing something so deeply personal and difficult. I hope you know you and Michael have changed lives for the better.

    Much love, prayers, and good vibes. XO

  69. Melissa Krouse says:

    Just watched your video and read the post. Cancer has taken many people that I love – my mum was the hardest. She was 52, full of energy and life. A close friend said to me once that it wasn’t that she couldn’t believe that my mum had died of cancer – it was that anything could kill her. She was my best friend and the loss devastating. For the last 3 months of her life she was in hospital….we spent every day talking, laughing and crying; holding on to what we could. It was then that we shared all those things we had never found the time to talk about…our biggest regrets, our hopes for the future, the few secrets we kept from one another and our fears. It is time that I am incredibly grateful for. I have never once thought “I wish I had told her…..” cause we said it all. Your post made me bawl for the first time in a long time. You knowlton’s are a graceful bunch. Much love and thank you for sharing,

  70. Pete Walker says:

    I’m not often speechless, but I apparently am now.

    You guys are seriously wise in the best sense of the word.

    Mind how you go, and go well.

    Redundant advice, because you’re already doing that…but…

    Yeah, let’s just go with speechless.

  71. What a story. My husband is 55 years old. This really shook me. Your children will be there for you. God will too. I don’t know what else to say, except that I read this. I acknowledge your very sad journey. (You have the same cabinet pulls and faucet I have in my kitchen. I saw that and felt a moment of knowing you. Then I read your story. I will keep you in my prayers, even though that sounds so cheap right now. Accept my blogging friendship. I can give that.

  72. Joan says:

    Such a powerful video and message – thank you for sharing both and doing so with such grace. Sending love and healing thoughts and prayers to you and your family as you find your way through this.

  73. My SINCEREST PRAYERS for God to hold you in his loving arms and give you ALL strength and courage. The video is an inspiration and what a BEAUTIFUL explanation of the word “GRATITUDE” what a BLESSING..
    I went to Google “Searching” for an AUTHENTICITY cover for my Facebook page. Let me tell you this… I BeLieVe God places people and signs in your life at just the right time and today I want to SHARE with you the signs…
    1. Looking for a post about AUTHENTICITY for encouragement and found your “be fearlessly authentic.”
    2. Giving credit I DID NOT edit your web address out of the picture although it doesn’t show in the cover.
    3. Going to your web address and reading about your husbands and family journey made me both sad and thankful at the same time. Sad for the Cancer but Thankful for the LOVE SHARED in life.
    4. Today is a my friends 1st birthday following the passing of her Soul Mate / Husband / Best Friend who was taken far too soon because of colon cancer. Timing puts ALL things into perspective.
    5. Gratitude for the strength and BEAUTIFULLY written words in this Blog to be SHARED with others.
    Truly Inspirational, Thank You and your family will be in my prayers. <3 I BeLieVe in Miracles
    P.S. Hear my "Heart" and also my Hope and Authenticity… for the future for you and your family.

    • Oh my goodness, Jackie… I’m speechless. Your words. Beautiful. I am hearing your heart and grateful for the hope, the authenticity, the love.

      Sending so much love, right back at you.

      Lynne xx

      • Lynne,
        My P.S. was written after much deliberation of SHARING my Web address. Thus the “hear my heart..” I did not want it to appear as anything but the HOPE that was SHARED with me by a pharmacist friend during my very dark time and I want to SHARE with others and I ALWAYS Pray… What IF?
        The products are simple and IF they are approved by his physician to use just the energy and “feel” good could be a way to help make each and everyday more bearable. PDF’s are available for ingredients. If I can help you in anyway please do not hesitate to “Reach Out.” My heart is filled to overflowing and helping other people is what keeps it filled up. Blessings to ALL of you.

  74. Crystal says:

    So sorry.

  75. Liz says:

    What a heart-wrenching post. It IS the time for making memories. This is what you need, what your children need. Prayers for your family—for hope, for strength, for miracles. xoxo

  76. Todd Starr says:

    Praying one day someone will find a cure! This is one of the Greatest Videos I have ever watched! I have had several Brushes w Cancer, I wish I could Help somehow, some way. I tell my wife about Paul Mccartney, a Billionaire who loved his wife, but he could not save her from this Dreaded disease. Marijuana kept my Grandfather alive and extra year or year and a Half, when I was 10-yrs old,. I remember my mom crying when. they gave him only 3-months to live because he would not eat and then they suggested marijuana and they said ok lets try it, he began to eat. **** I wish great Families, like yours, did not have to suffer through this. I pray for you all, Pray for a Miracle, Pray for Patience and pray that if anything, you can have as much happiness as possible even if its for a shorter time! We all Have an end date, every day is one less day for all of us, unless some one can cure & stop the aging process, I would rather see this disease cured 1st! I am not a “know it all” but i know Michael is a great Loving and caring man and has a great loving and caring family! Peace be with you all! and F Cancer

    • I agree, Todd. When I read about people who try this and try that to cure cancer, I think.. really?… because if it worked, the billionaires of the world would surely have done it. Maybe that is cynical. Maybe it is real, but I feel like we are on the same page. xx

      Happiness is a beautiful thing. Medicinal marijuana is too. LOL.

      Peace be with you too and F* cancer.

      Big love, big big big love,
      Lynne xx

  77. Bob Stuart says:

    Hi, I watched the video today and read this post. Right now all I have to say is I’m sending thoughts of love and strength your way. I wish it was more. Bob

  78. ESR (cancer survivor) says:

    Amazing video.
    Thanks so much for sharing yourselves and your family.
    You are 100% correct in your message – and you are never alone.
    F**k cancer. Live life.
    Rock on!

  79. Carolyn says:

    Lynne, my husband also has cancer that cannot be cured. I share your fears and and feelings of uncertainty, strength, powerlessness, wonder, rage, awe and every other emotion known to mankind. He is 64 and we’ve been together since I was 16! We are strong, creative, talented women who will hold everything together because we can and because we must. Because our family and our husbands deserve it and I truly feel I was put on this earth for this purpose. I can’t fall apart because I can’t Whatever time left has to be real and meaningful, full of laughter and love. We can do it.

  80. Lisa says:


    This is the first time I have visited your website. I saw it on a link my friend had posted on Facebook. Your post says exactly what I have been feeling in the last year, as my fiance has terminal cancer as well. It really is unfair and I completely agree: cancer sucks. Please know that you are not alone in this difficult journey. My thoughts are with you and your family <3

  81. Carol says:

    Sweet heart, thank you for starting Design the life you want to live. You give the world yourself so naturally and comfortably the person you are it makes life just that more enjoyable. If we lived near each other we would be good friends. Your posts have me run to the kettle and make that cup of tea, as if you had just knocked on my door. I will always have time for you and always have patience for your next post. You can do this Lynne. Yes you can. X

  82. Denise says:

    Lynne…you are an amazing writer and woman. I’m am crying as I read this, and yet inspired by your words and your courage. I am so proud to call you my friend. I want to continue this journey with you. I know we may Not have been the closest, but I want you to know, that I am here for you anytime you need anything. Micheal is the lucky one, to have such an amazing friend by his side during this journey, this test and this experience. . I’m sure he couldn’t do this with out you. You are his rock, his pillar and his crutch. Keep your positive, loving spirit alive and the miracle will happen…..
    Love ya, miss ya touch base anytime

  83. Glenda Whittaker says:

    Lynne and Michael you are such an amazing couple, so inspirational and I hate that this is happening to your family. It’s not fair I totally agree. This blog was so very hard to get through, many tears are flowing,, your heart and soul are pouring out in pain and I can’t stop feeling the love, I know your love will sustain you. All my love always and many many hugs, Glenda

  84. Elizabeth Motsch says:

    DearLynn, you write with such honesty of your deep pain and I feel it. So wish I could lighten all of your load. Michael has such a wonderful positive outlook and takes life a day at a time. None of us know what the future holds in store so live each day to the fullest. Bless you.

  85. Lisa says:

    ~ again ~ no words. so much of it resonates. wonderful posts, both blog & video. by incredible, positive, beautiful & giving people. it will truly help others. thank you for sharing.

    I hope you will share some of the fucket ‘ list.

    sending love to you & your family ! ?

  86. Barbie Knoop says:

    Lynne and Michael…..What a well written and thought out blog post. My heart is so touched by your attitude, and my prayers will be with you all during this time. May God bless your family and be close as ever. I was wondering how things were going. Love and hugs to you all!

  87. kelly says:

    Lynn and Michael
    I was worried that this was where you had disappeared to. I am so sorry this is happening to your family. I shall send all good thoughts and energy to you. Miracles do happen, but I love the fact that while you are waiting for one and fighting the fight you are living to the fullest and making memories. That’s all we leave is love and memories. Thank you for the video. I shall save it and watch it whenever I feel the tiniest bit sorry for myself. You guys are amazing.
    Lots of love.

  88. heather reid says:

    so you got this girlfriend, because you have this covered your miracle is just that – I hope that makes sense, you are taking this thing and changing it for you and your family first and now sharing it with others how generous you all are – you are getting into the Gates of St Peter – with a big FREE PASS, that’s a Catholic thing…….. Gates of St Peter – the gates to heaven, – people with big hearts get the big free pass
    I feel your Fear I wish I could take it away, love you all , sending big LOVE, you got this

  89. Sherry Loates says:

    Much love to you and your beautiful family Lynne. Hugs.

  90. Jim McManus says:

    Please don’t ever stop blogging., unlike other blogs I occasionally read where the writer has their head up their mighty self important ass!
    You share with us a subject that is horrible and very personal, written with complete honesty and compassion showing the strength that you have and the most amazing relationship and family.

  91. TRACEY ALLAN says:


    • Awwhhhhh Tracey,

      Thank you for saying so! To my blogging pals, Tracey has been my friend for 40 years!!! How’d that happen? 40 years just flew by! We have had a lot of big fat laughs in there!!!!

      Thanks Trace…. for your big heart, your never ending caring and for always being there for us. We love you right back.


  92. Julie martyn says:

    Can’t imagine the pain and terror you are feeling and yet being brave enough to share. Thank you for m

    aking us all take a moment to appreciate the every day normal that we all take for granted. Xo

  93. Yola Rabe says:

    Your latest blog about one of life’s biggest hurdles is simply WONDERFUL! You are wonderful to write it down…to face your fears, worries about the future, your children, the aloneness. .That’s greatness! You are not alone but being greatly overwhelmed, it may feel that way. I live on the other side of the world, New Zealand and totally get your story, through experience. Just know that you are greatly loved and you will get through this! God said so x.

  94. Kathy Horton says:

    Thank you for sharing your story, difficult as it is. What an amazing husband you have! I was diagnosed with Waldenstrom’s in 2008 and am currently in remission. Your story reinforces my need to find a way to do the things on my “bucket list” during periods of wellness. The feeling is one of urgency because one does not know when a somewhat benign cancer can transform into a terminal one. Wishing you and your family strength.

  95. Nikki Longworth says:

    Oh Lynne. Am sending you love and support in this email. You have been so wonderfully open in your blogs and this one is no exception. It is good to share your humanity; we all benefit from it. We are crying with you. Take whatever time you need and we will be out here waiting for you when you are ready to blog on.

  96. Shelley says:


    I am so sorry to hear your news. I started following your blog when my son was diagnosed with lymphoma 7 years ago at 19. Today he remains healthy and I am forever grateful for that. When I read this post, I shed many tears. I am sending you much love, strength and hugs. And I totally agree cancer is a horrible thing.


  97. Shelley says:


    I am so sorry to hear this. I first found your blog when my son was diagnosed with lymphoma at 19 and 7 years later he is cancer-free. You have no idea how many tears I shed with your news. I am so very sorry and send you much love, strength and hugs.


  98. Krista MacLaren says:

    Love. Friendship. Hugs. Sun. Rain. Memories. Energy. Trees. Deep roots. Light. Love. Power. Prayer. Xo ❤️

  99. lor says:

    First of your blog posts I’ve read. So sorry and so sad to hear of your family’s news. Can’t begin to imagine your level of heartbreak. But I hope and pray for the tiny chance that they’re wrong, that your Michael may have more time because doctors don’t know everything and miracles DO happen. Hoping and praying for moments of joy in amongst everything that’s happening. <3

  100. Anne says:

    Feeling all kinds of thoughts and emotions for you and Michael and your beautiful kids…..first of all you were so lucky to have met each other. When you met Michael and made yourself a bigger, better, beautiful family, Michael has survived so much so far and I am hoping that he will beat all odds and do it for as long as possible with style and grace …..I know that Cancer sucks ….but so does Chemo and I completely understand the decision to stop and let life play out. Thinking about you. all. xo

  101. Gail says:

    Just where do I begin….I believe,,,,,,,, I believe,,,,,,,, I believe I love you so much…always with you and wIll always be……love you both. Aunt Gail xxxx.

  102. Janice says:

    I am so very sorry to hear this Lynne. I’ve lost my Mom, my best girlfriend, and then waged my own battle a few years ago. Cancer IS a bitch, and it doesn’t give two shits about the devastation it leaves in its wake.

    Make your memories, live each day to the fullest, and be fully present in each and every moment. That’s the only advice I have.
    Every single day is a gift.
    Big love to you and Michael and your entire family.

  103. Angela Sanchez says:

    Thank you for sharing this beautiful video and your thoughts as you go through this. I have been praying daily for Michael, along with my husband and all of my other friends and family members who have cancer. Watching this video was a bit of an epiphany for me. My husband has had chemo for over two years and will continue through next January or February. I know now that, after the chemo ends, it will never be over for us as we’ll be waiting for a recurrence or for someone else – maybe me – to be diagnosed. But you’ve shown me there’s a serenity in acceptance and to continue living in love and gratitude, not letting cancer, or any other “life of misfortune” change who we are inside. Michael, you and your family will be in my continued thoughts and prayers. XOXO

    • Angela Sanchez says:

      UPDATE: The finish line was in sight when his oncologist decided to extend his chemo treatment for TWO. MORE. YEARS. His attitude has been better than mine – sometimes I think it’s harder on the loved one who has to helplessly watch the suffering, but we know we are fortunate for the time we have together – which we now consider “borrowed time.” We fight on, by your side. You are always in our prayers.

  104. Veea'ne says:

    Thank you for sharing this heartbreaking life journey Michael , you and your family have been chosen to take . I want so badly to hold you all in my arms and make this shit-fest of terror and uncertainty go away . You are all in my prayers .

    Bunches of Love and Hugs !

  105. Lynda says:

    with tears, thank you for sharing. my husband was recently diagnosed w Multiple Myeloma… treatable but incurable cancer. such a period of loss and change. your comment that you are missing your future memories is so how i feel… i know the future will be bleak..not if but when..so yes, celebrate the day..whether good or bad..it is what you have. i will walk this journey with you. part of my therapy is to redo our house..beach-i-fy….go down the white path and search the corners of the shops for finds to repurpose. to simplify and brighten and renew. you are my inspiration in so many ways. i am glad i found you and you have reconnected with us. much love to you and your family and prayers for your loving husband. xo

    • So so so sooooo very sweet of you to say, Lynda…

      I’m happy to reconnect too. It feels like forever since I shared what was truly going on ( so deeply in my life).

      Multiple Myeloma is a kissing cousin to what my hubby has. I sure wish that we lived right next door to each other. I’d hold your hand. I really would.

      Sending you love, and so much brightness ( even if it is a white refresh xo)

      Lynne xx

      • lynda says:

        Lynne, thx for sending me your note. I have just finished reading many posts from your admirers and I am learning that you have created a huge circle of loving hearts that are surrounding you and your family, especially at this time. I think I saw that you are renting your tree house. We are renting our California “golf house”. I feel overwhelmed by all the change and uncertainty of life now that Dis-Ease has overtaken my hubby’s body. I know that you are getting a lot of information regarding alternative treatments. I have watched and read as well. I do buy BioK for hubby as it has billions of good bacteria for the gut and really helps with the immune system..Original..no flavors! and it is available in health food and some grocers in the refrigeration section. I read that 90% of the immune system is in the gut and all that chemo etc. affects everything.. Anyway… sorry to give unsolicited “advice”..just passing on as I have suffered migraines all my life and decided a few years ago to take charge of the situation and treat the cause rather than the symptoms and this was something that I found that I have stuck with for many years. Perhaps you have already heard of it. Hugs to you and your lovely family and beloved husband. He really seems like a gem and has been a gift to you… one that you clearly deserve… xoLynda

      • lynda osborne says:

        Hi Lynne, I have been wondering how you have been doing and am glad to see your email today. You write so truthfully and it helps me. Life as a caregiver is the new normal. Emergency visits w pneumonia and blood clots..dealing w pain that moves around daily. Drugs Drugs. Drugs. I am learning about the power of these chemotherapy drugs. .but you are right,,the body gets smarter and they eventually stop working…but life beats the alternative and I know my hubby will die sooner w/o these drugs. I know he should eat better but he wants to eat what he wants so i let him as it is his journey. He has glimmers of hope when he feels better or gets a good lab report..but..for me I see the slow end of his life.. and yes..your whole being changes. We have been together 17 years and I have absolutely no idea what i will do with myself when it ends. not like me. I have just started yoga again…i spent most of the last 8 months since diagnosis in bed or in my housecoat in front of the TV or computer zoning out..depressed/anxious…. the only excitement in life was….ahhh..nothing… But..I am now forcing myself to get up and get at it..Yoga is the start.. Started just last week after months of telling myself I have to do something but unable to do anything but feel lifeless….and i am NOT the sick person but I feel i could become one. So… I am thinking that since you sent this email..perhaps you are feeling a bit of a shift as well at this time. I dunno….I absolutely dread the time when my husband’s Multiple Myeloma will take him down. I hope it will be fast to spare him the pain and suffering. He used to climb mountains in the Rockies..now can barely walk a block. Life has changed in every way… I was going to redo our home..but I don’t have the energy or drive and the drugs for blood clots are eating up $1200 of our spending money every month..and then there are the costs of driving /hotelling it for out of town treatments and Drs.. I did move some furniture around which has helped. I am not going to take medication for depression/anxiety …but I want to scream and run away so often and don’t have patience for much when people are around and conversations are inane.. all is too much trouble but i go thru the motions for my husband.. anyway… sorry to be unloading on you.. i feel you tell it like it is and i like to do the same..so if any of this resonates..know that you are in my thoughts and i hope things have improved for your husband. i have know people who have refused treatment and have done very well…. and hubby is currently debating about stopping chemo as his quality of life is about as close to zero as you can get. one day at a time they say… dreams….not so much. hugs xoxo

  106. Deb Watts says:

    So beautifully written. Hugs, love and healing energy to you, your husband and your family.

  107. Gigi Edross says:

    Such an amazing story and you are one hell of an amazing strong woman, thank you for sharing your story and making us aware of the ravaging of lives that cancer rips apart. I wish you all the strength, patience but most of all take good to yourself no matter how high the mountain becomes (I know easier said than done). I remember a verse my mom repeated over and over after my dad died …………….. “It is better to love and lost, than never to have loved at all” Please take good care of yourself.!.

  108. Leigh says:

    I was wondering where you had gone. I’m almost sorry I found you. The grace and love your Michael embodies….I shall carry it with me daily. As a tribute to him but also as a reminder that anything can happen, any day, any time.

    We don’t know each other, we will probably never meet, but you and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

    Big love. ❤️

  109. Andrea says:

    As I read this I could see your tears all over it, so very sorry for the pain you & your family must be going thru.
    Your post will help so many people Lynne, my sister has just started on the same journey as you, her husbands cancer has come back as well, I read what you were feeling & thought this will be exactly what she would be going thru as well, that loss and intensity of feeling starts way before and for those close, we need to give them all the strengthen & support that we can. My love goes out o you & your family Lynne ??

  110. Linda says:

    I have many words, just like the beautiful ones in the previous comments, and I have no words…………………… I can’t even imagine how this feels, but I shall pray for you and your wonderful soul mate/love of your life, Michael, and your beautiful family. ???

  111. Tara says:

    Love you, Lynne. You will have the strength you need. You already do. So live in the moment, and let others shoulder the burden with you. I’ve been saying prayers and will continue because, well, it helps me and it might help you. Love you all. xoxo

  112. Gillian Delledonne says:

    The courage you two share is amazing and so is the love….
    Keep making the memories, cancer can’t take those!

  113. Dawn Lai says:

    Dear Lynne and Michael,

    Your pain must be so great that I can’t even imagine. BUT, never, never, never give up. Ask everyone to pray for you. Only God can make the impossible, possible. Also, there is a healing facility just over the Mexican border, called Sanoviv Medical Institute | Providing Alternative Holistic Integrative Health care,
    http://www.sanoviv.com. I urge you to go and I’ll keep you all in my prayers.

  114. Rhonda MacDonald says:

    What a beautiful video Lynne and Michael. Enjoy life, spread love, and accept love. None of us knows what will happen tomorrow. We ALL need to be reminded to embrace today–as well as the people we love! Let me know if you are up for a slightly farther road trip than you just completed…although, your house is so beautiful, you probably don’t want to leave it, even for a day! Best Wishes and Blessings.

  115. Lisa says:

    This was so powerful., thank-you for sharing.
    . Michael is so full of positive energy-I hope he finds comfort in knowing he’s providing inspiration to others. XoX

  116. Lisa Thomson says:

    I’m so sorry, Lynne. I can’t even…no words. LOVE all you can now. Love hard. Thinking of you all and sending hugs to you.

  117. Linda says:

    Hi Lynne,
    I’m so sorry to hear about what Michael and your family are going through. My mother went through chemotherapy and it wasn’t the answer we hoped, either.
    However, there truly is HOPE, other than “traditional” medicine. I just finished watching all 9 episodes of The Truth About Cancer.com. and wish we’d known some of this before.
    Information gives us ability to make wiser choices, and God gives us HOPE!
    God Bless you and your family,

  118. Susan Leblang says:

    I am in year 41/2 since cancer took my Larry.
    What I can tell you is this-
    You don’t get over it, you get passed it kind of…. And in your own way.
    It is true about not doing anything drastic the first year, I could not
    Believe it could be true, I counted the days, the weeks, the minutes, the seconds
    And I do not Remember much of anything except feeling lost that first year.
    Sure enough, 1st anniversary, I breathed, not well, but each day I looked for something
    Positive to get me thru.
    Now 4 ½ years have passed, the change is that the pain softens a little more around the edges
    Often there is a sharp jolt, a song, a picture, a wish, a want…. And that too passes.
    This is a card I bought long ago, it helps me every day…
    Native American saying..
    Perhaps those are not stars in the sky, but our loved ones looking down on us.
    Each night, I go out and look up, and have a conversation with the sky…. The stars are always
    There even if we can not see them.
    I will be sending my heartfelt thoughts to both of you..

  119. Sandra says:

    Hi guys,

    Your story is extremely sad but inspirational. Just putting it out there but I have met a few people who have healed themselves naturally from cancer through diet and other forms of remedies. I have also heard of a clinic in Mexico that heals cancer through natural remedies. You probably already know all this but sometimes it takes for it to be said to you the 101th time before you think “why not?”. Just throwing it out there! The worst things in life can be the best things if we take a look at what change you can bring to yourself and the world by going through this! You are braver and wiser than you might believe to be right now!. Just know already you have started something big with sharing your story. Feeling grateful for watching your video and hopeful that you will kick cancer in the butt!!
    Sending you love, hope and gratitude all the way from Australia.

  120. Ruth Vallejos says:

    Lynne & Family –
    The guts to hit the pause button… wow. That’s more courage than I might be able to muster in the same circumstance. Still – why endure pain for little or no gain? The practice of medicine doesn’t get that sometimes.

    So now, enjoy the gain. Every little moment, every sweet word, food and wine, kids and pets. The house. Sleeping in bed. Stars at night. Rain on the lake. It’s all so good.

    Hugs to you all. Ruth

  121. Jane says:

    So many positive thoughts and prayers for you and your family. You are amazing Lynne, to even try and articulate what most can’t even think about. You have a beautiful family.

  122. Stephanie Holder says:

    Thank you so much for sharing this. I’m a mess just reading this as it brings back hard memories but I can’t imagine how you must be feeling. You and your family are incredible and Michael, well he’s an inspiration. His video has made me realise I need to be more grateful for the wonderful people in my life and never take anything for granted. I can’t thank you guys enough for sharing such a difficult and emotional journey. Your story will bless and inspire people to do and be better. Love to all of you Xxx Stephanie, London UK

  123. What can I say? I’m a complete stranger to you but I am sending you my love and support, such as I can be from a stranger who you’ve never met and who hasn’t (yet) had to go through what you are. I admire you enormously for having the courage to write about it all. Stephanie xx

  124. Brandice Raschle says:

    It is great seeing the inspiration and spirit in Michael and the whole family. So many families are affected by cancer and no matter how you are connected its a struggle for everyone involved. I met Michael last weekend which was the weekend of my wedding, he was so friendly. Shortly after speaking I realized I went to school with Shelby and Tristan years ago. You have a great family and i wish you all the best. The passion your family shares and the love you guys have is an inspiration for a lot of people. My heart goes out to you and your whole family.

  125. Trudi Stevenson says:

    A rock for your man, a mountain for your babies and an inspiration for your readers. Love to you Lynne and make every minute count – stay strong xx


  126. Lisa Mills says:

    Fuckety, fuck, fuck, fuck. I’m so sorry for all of this. Thank you for sharing. You don’t have to be fierce or graceful all of the time or even some of the time. It’s often just too hard. That being said, you’re attitude is amazing and your desire to make memories now is truly inspiring. Peace and blessings, Girlie.
    Hobbit House,
    Southampton, ON

  127. Nancy Blue Moon says:

    I am so so sorry Lynne, Michael & kids….I would say to you to love one another with all of your hearts…but I know that you already do…Hugs

  128. Stacey says:

    You and your family are truly amazing! I’m way too choked to write more, but Thank you for sharing. I have shared your video on my Facebook page.

  129. Liberty says:

    Much love to you and yours. What blessings surround you! Such love, such a wonderful family. your story gives me pause to count my own blessings.

  130. Judi Burnes says:

    God hasn’t invented the words to tell you how heart broken I am with this news, and words from someone you don’t know or even know existed, are almost unsaid. But you have provided me with so many giggles, so many incredible ideas and so many times I said, “when I grow up, I want to be like Lynne Knowles. Michael is a beautiful man, a more beautiful soul and one this world isn’t worthy of and one who will make heaven better by being there. God bless you and your beautiful children during this time and I wish you “Peace of God that passeth all understanding”.

    Love & prayers

    Judi Burnes

  131. tucsonPatty says:

    Lynn, this breaks my heart for you and your kids. I am so sorry. I’ve loved reading about the awesome man, husband, and father that is your Michael. We all are thinking healing thoughts for all of you.OXO

  132. Denise says:

    I am so very sorry to read this. Your husband seems like such a wonderful guy that I want for a friend. After reading Ann Voscamps book 3 years ago I have been on the road of gratitude.. Writing thanks down has changed my life. I honestly know I would have a hard time finding gratitude in your journey but I think as you walk it out there will always be times that you see it. All I can offer is prayer and I will for all of you..

  133. Sandra says:

    My heart aches for you and your family. I will keep you in my prayers everyday. Love to all.

  134. Laura says:

    Positive vibes your way. My little brother had ocular melanoma 10 years ago. The doctors said he was good to go, but two years ago, it metastasized to his liver and is terminal. He decided against chemo and the 3-6 month life expectancy diagnosis and has been doing gerson therapy since. He was labeled as terminal back in April 2014 at 34 years old. The cancer is still in his liver, but he is still positive and fighting. It’s an alternative treatment, but may be worth looking into. Hugs your way!

  135. Cecilia Nelson ("Ceci") says:

    Lynne, I hear you! My thoughts and prayers are with you, Michael and your dear family. I have the same fears and anger … I have Waldenstrom’s, too (dx April 2010 at age 54, 19 mos of chemo, now on ibrutinib at low dose due to debilitating neuropathy, considering restarting chemo soon, has not metastasized). Michael & I did nothing to get WM and we can’t get rid of it. I am pissed off, too. It has been years of fighting to stay positive, and sometimes we just have to express our rage … cry, scream, rant, repeat. Then positivity can come back in – for a while – hey, we are human and dealing with this as only we can. The uninvited, heinous intruder is always lurking & attempting to take away everything. But it will NEVER take away the love that is within us and which we will take with us when this part of the journey transitions to the next (yes, I believe we have a soul that continues forever … I don’t understand it, can’t prove it [that’s why it is called “faith”], and no one can disprove it!). So, I’m sending virtual hugs your way and lots of prayers for whatever you need to get you, Michael & your family through the tough times. And may you have many joyous moments to come as well. In my mind, you have already conquered the intruder because you have boundless LOVE for one another! May peace be with you all. Please pray for me and my family, too.

  136. Alyson says:

    Oh my. I’m sorry. I know you will hear these words a thousand times. I’m sure thousands of people will have a “cancer” story to tell you. Nothing will take away the pain. But one day you will be able to smile or laugh when something reminds you of him. I too have a “cancer” story. My sister died from lymphoma at 38 leaving 3 children. My father passed away 2 weeks ago from primary liver cancer. The pain is palpable, but the love, the spirit, and the feeling that they have never really left me lingers. Tell Michael to complete his fuck it list and manage to enjoy the rest of his journey in love.

  137. Mysty says:

    P.S. Also check out German New Medicine which explains cancer in a completely different way.


  138. Mysty says:

    So glad you said NO to more invasive treatment and chemotherapy. The chemo didn’t give him his life or extend it……his BELIEF did. Even this can be beaten. But not with mainstream medicine.

    Listen to what Dr. Joe Dispenza has to say. He is on the leading edge of neuroscience, quantum physics, epigenetics etc. He has a gift for making difficult things easy to understand.

    Best wishes in finding a new path for this enormous challenge………..carry on.

    • LEah says:

      Please look into alternative cancer therapies. AS a cancer survivor myself, I have spent four years researching this. I have met and become friends with many survivors, including many late stage “terminal” that are alive and well today some 20 years plus using alternative therapies. Please don’t ever give up and don’t always take doctors word as gold…they are not gods and they don’t really know anything about nutrition…trust me I know I have many friends that are doctors that come to me for nutrition advice and I am not educated at formally in that world!

      I see some comments here regarding German clinics and the Truth about Cancer, excellent resources. Check out https://www.cancertutor.com


  139. Denise says:

    Lynne and Michael and kids, crying and loving you all. So grateful you’ve been and are a part of my life. I will be there to see you all soon. Promise. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

  140. Amanda Plakholm says:

    I am sitting in the hallway at the hospital right now crying my eyes out, reading this blog. Cancer really does suck and there is no way to prepare. I recently lost my Dad to cancer and I’m struggling to know how to help my Mom and how to cope myself. I hope you and your family get your miracle. Thank you for sharing such an emotional story, it will help others.

  141. Tania says:

    Blessings to you all.

  142. Marie says:

    My heart goes out to you.. It truly does. I was you three years ago and there are no words. None that truly help or suit. I’ll be keeping you all in my prayers..

  143. Stuart & Sherryl says:

    Lynne, Michael & family

    Our love to you all, amazing, beautiful souls.!

  144. JudyBB says:

    holding you and yours in the most prayerful thoughts possible

  145. Mary Kay Wilburn says:

    My heart is with you. My dear sweet hubby is also battling cancer. He has finished chemo and the doctor says he is in remission. However; there is a but. A but that preceeds it could come back. Different form, same, someplace else. And I feel it in my bones that this battle is not over yet.

    My heart is with you and being scared shitless, I am with you on that one too.

  146. Debra Spaulding says:

    Hi Lynne, I have followed your blog for several years and I look forward to your witty and down-to-earth way with words! I was suddenly a widow two years ago. Holes! yah, I know holes…. holes in your soul, heart, family and future. I am so selfish in my happiness that you will continue your great writing and thoughts on life with the world but I am also unselfishly happy for you. I’m happy you all have chosen to take the road less travelled and love to the fullest everyday! Time is a blessing take it by the nuts and run!!! much love from here to you all.

  147. Suzanne says:

    Lynne, I’ve known you and followed your blog for quite a few years, I’ve watched you grow your brand and although I don’t always leave a comment I am there, lurking if you will. I’ve had to re subscribe a few times but I am with you here and on other social media networks. This news about Michael makes me very sad and I am so sorry but knowing you I am certain that the time that you have together will be full of love and grace and there will be memories that will last forever. I pray for a miracle Lynne, I hate cancer, I hate that it takes our loved ones in such a violent and untimely way. The video is poignant and touching and beautifully done. Stay strong my friend!

  148. Tricia says:

    Thank you for documenting your brave journey! My mom has waldenstroms and recently her diseased transformed to a very aggressive lymphoma…. Another rare occurance. I love your approach to LIFE..thank you for sharing

  149. Lori Blethen says:

    Michael is truly an amazing soul. Watching the video and reading your words on this blog brought me to a river of tears. My tears were not only for you Lynne and your children but were in awe for what an amazing man — human being — Michael is. It has been said that we live to learn. That’s the goal. The objective, the reason we are here in the first place. We are also here to teach. To share. To inspire. I have never before heard such beautiful words spoken by anyone as were spoken by Michael. Gratitude. Love. Hope. Trust. He is blessed. I hold you, Michael, your children and entire family inside of my heart with love and gratitude. He is a shining light that will continue far beyond the duration of his physical body. God be with you.

  150. Kevin Ross says:

    I can only say… you are not alone, Lynne… Not a great comfort when you are faced with this enormous challenge, I know. But it is what I can offer, as a fellow human being on this wild ride. Take good care. Peace be with you.

  151. Lorraine says:

    My heart goes out to you and your family. I felt I had to write to you about the series called the truth about cancer series just in case it could offer some kind of chance. It offers many alternative treatments for cancer from all over the world. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

  152. Mary says:

    Your story has touched a nerve deep down inside, and I pray for you and your beautiful family as you take this journey. Michael is showing us the way with grace and dignity.
    Our thoughts and prayers are with you…

  153. SuzyMcQ says:

    In my thoughts and prayers……..

  154. Donna Marchlewski says:

    Your video is beautiful. Thank you. You are deeply loved

  155. Larga Parker says:

    Dear Lynne, Michael and family,
    What a beautiful post! Sitting here crying and praying for you. May the God of this Universe be gracious towards you and comfort & protect you through this all. This post must have been SO difficult to do but thank you for sharing with us your inner feelings in such an honest and inspiring way!

  156. Thank you for sharing your journey with us, and although your road has taken a different path now, you are still inspiring us and teaching us. Get mad, get angry, laugh ur asses off and make wonderful memories! Big hugs for u and urs. May u all find some peace and comfort in each other’s arms…..

  157. Donna J Swain-McHughes says:

    Your story is poignant,heartbreaking and inspiring. Thank you for sharing, I know how hard it was. But know that it very well may help someone else out there that you will never know about. My husband won his battle with cancer. I have won my battle so far and am still taking medicine for it. My mom,my best friend, lost her battle. I helped her through her battle while I was fighting my own. I didn’t know how to do it, I just did it. We learned to schedule her chemo at one end of the week and mine at the other end, so I would be recovered enough to take her to hers. I do have one suggestion that has worked for me. Hug your husband long, hard and often. And while you are doing it close your eyes and think about how it feels. Burn it indelibly in your mind. Then later you can close your eyes and feel him hugging you whenever you need it. It works. It has helped me through the last year and a half. I can close my eyes and feel her arms around me whenever I need it. It is probably the only thing that has kept me sane. I am crying just thinking about it. Now I will dry my tears and saw a prayer for you both. And then I will close my eyes and get my hug from my mom. Know that others are sending their love to you both and take solace and strength from that. x0 Donna

    • Donna,

      I literally can’t type through the tears. THANK YOU for your beautiful idea. I hug him hard now, but I am going to do your idea now. I LOVE IT.

      Does this mean I can also kick him in the shins when he leaves his dirty laundry on the floor. Every.Day? ha.

      Okay, I needed something for my eyes. It was getting dusty in here.

      Thank you for your words. Your ideas. Your love. Thank you for taking the time to write to me. I’m so very grateful that you left a comment.

      Big love,
      Lynne xo

  158. Julia says:

    So sorry to hear your news….I lost my husband to a rare cancer re-occurrence 2 years ago. I’m 53 and have two children so I know what it’s like to get this diagnosis. I don’t know you, but know you are strong and about to find out how much stronger you are than you ever thought. Why? Because you have no other choice. You are in my prayers…..

    • Ohhhh Julia,

      I am so sorry to hear that. We are the same age 🙁 . It’s crazy hard to grasp the gravity of some things in life, isn’t it? You are right though, the only thing to do, is just do. One day at a time.

      I love your words. I appreciate them. THANK YOU.

      Sending you a massive hug,
      Lynne xx

  159. Therese crepeau says:

    I am sending you my good karma, golden morning light, sudden laughter, the wonderful stabbing pain of my heart when I see your lovely family and please know that I will carry some of your grief and day to day agony in my mind and heart. I Pray Michael kicks the hell out of his fucket list and you put big dents in it too. So sorry for the pain. Your site is lovely even with the horrific news.

    • Thank you Therese,

      We are going to kick the hell outta the fucket list, big time. Now that I wrote it in words, on the blog… for the world to see :)… we gotta do it! Right, right?

      We are heading to Bali next month, and putting a big fat dent in the list then. I laugh and tell Michael that we are technically working on my bucket list and he is coming along for the ride. haha.

      Mad love,
      Lynne xo

  160. Lori says:

    Oh, Lynne, This was a beautiful post! You managed to put perspective on something that touches all of us and make us see things in a different light. I think of you and your family a lot and when I do I send all the strength and positive vibes that I have!!!
    Love you!!!

    • Ohhhhh Lori,

      We have absolutely loved getting to know you guys. For real. You light up our lives (especially with the fire starters and wine 🙂

      Love you right back,

      Lynne xo

  161. Carole says:

    Lynne & Michael … there are no words – only heaps of love … and hugs – BIG, BIG HUGS <3

  162. Kathy says:

    Lynnie, Lynne, Lynne,

    I love you with all my heart and wish I could fix this for you. Michael’s message of living in gratitude is THE prescription for the rest of us. Thank you for….well, for just being you, for being the Knowltons, for sharing your heart. I wish I could hug you hard right now — Damn miles! — but loving you hard will have to do for now.

    With gratitude,

    • My dear friend Kathy,

      I can feel you cheering us on in the side lines. I know it. Your support and kindness means so much to us, and we are so very grateful.

      I think about our times here, in the backyard and laughing in the kitchen (ps you wouldn’t recognize the place now) LOL… and those memories are pretty kickass!

      You rock out loud and I’m honoured to call you my friend.

      Love ya girly!
      Lynne xx

  163. Maria says:

    Wow, followed by tears. This is truly one of the greatest hardships a family can go through and yet having that time together can be what keeps you all knitted together in a way you didn’t know possible. I know some of the heartache that you are feeling, My mother survived her cancer, my father did not. It takes you to the pits, it truly does. Not fun, I don’t wish it on anyone, yet too many of us are going through it.
    If only there was a super power to keep your kids from losing their dad and you from losing your love. sigh….
    Michael is lucky to have such a wonderful spirit in the woman he married, The memories and family you both created are his legacy, and that is the cherry to this mess.

    Thank you for sharing, and know that there is a community that loves you. xo

    • So well said Maria. If only there was a super power. Somehow, I’m starting to believe that there are super powers….

      Prayers. Great thoughts. Kindness. Love. Angels.

      Surely, they have some impact. We can all hope

      If one puts out so much positive energy to the world, maybe.. just maybe.. the positive energy//goodness can come back to us.

      I lost my Dad to cancer too, and my Mom is a three time cancer survivor. I am so sorry that you had to go through that too. It’s sooooo sad, isn’t it? Breaks our hearts.

      Big love to you!!
      Lynne xo

  164. Cheri says:

    I just want to say I’m sorry and thank you. I’ve been an oncology nurse for over 30’years and have witnessed amazing stories. The way you and Michael, are facing this challenge together and with grace is how I have always hoped I would respond were it my story. You write so poignantly Lynne, and I look forward to reading whatever you are able to share with us. The video is phenomenal.

    • Dear Cheri,

      I have such mad respect for oncology nurses. Big time, amazing respect.

      THANK YOU for making such a beautiful difference in this world. The oncology nurses in our lives have been so caring, so understanding and so kind.

      Oncology nurses get it. You are all in the trenches. The real deal.

      I can’t thank you enough for the contribution you make to so many peoples lives. I bet many of your patients go home and remember how you cared for them.

      Thank you thank you thank you

      Sincerely & with love,
      Lynne xx

  165. Michele says:


    Thank you for sharing your story. I wish it wasn’t yours to tell. Please do as you are saying and live large, love and share. Your gift is appreciated. And, Michael I am impressed with your mile long fucket list. Your honesty is refreshing. You are in my prayers.

    • Hi Michele,

      It’s so very kind of you to thank me for sharing my story. I was so worried that my story would muck things up on the blog. It isn’t exactly a conversation that is all shits and giggles. Okay, maybe shits. 🙂

      The fucket list is truly a mile long, and we are going for it. Next month is BALI!!

      I can’t wait to share the beauty of Bali again on my blog too.

      Thanks again for the reminder.

      Big love,
      Lynne xx

  166. Stefanie says:

    My heart goes out to you. My husband passed away from terminal cancer. He lived for one year after the diagnosis and what a year that was. I was in shock after I got the news but he had so much grace and strength the whole time. After he died, it took me a long time to get back.

    Much love to Michael, you and your family.

    • Oh my goodness Stefanie,

      That is so heartbreaking to hear. What a year that must have been for you. Isn’t it incredible how cancer patients have all the grace and strength and caregivers, friends, family… unravel at the seams? I have asked health care workers, oncology nurses, Doctors… and they all say the same thing. It is hard to watch, hard to not have control, hard to not be able to save our loved ones.

      If love could save people, surely they would never die.

      Sending much love to you too,
      Lynne xo

  167. I’m very proud of you “pumpkin”. 🙂 Loving you guys with all my heart. A thousand of these – xoxoxox!

  168. Victoria says:

    I’m so so so sorry. Your post is beautiful. And heartbreaking.

  169. M says:

    I really don’t know how to start, but I’ll start with a big thank you. Thank you for sharing and inspire.
    I found your Instagram last summer and it was such a nice place for me to visit because I’m bedbound/homebound due to a severe neurological illness called ME. To survive I have to ‘visit’ beautiful places in my mind, and your place with the treehouse especially did calm me down.
    And now, it’s so heartbreaking to read about your current situation, I can’t even imagine the struggle. As your dear husband says in the video, we all struggle in different ways, and it’s so important to find joy and make the best out of it.
    I really try, and it’s important for me to remember to find the small things that are good. It’s really hard sometimes with all the physical symptoms; and not to be able to care for myself or even have visits from friends. My condition has been progressive for some years now and I really don’t know where it will end.
    But your videos and your stories help me to cope, and I really wish I could say something to make it better for you. I hope you will have the best of times together as long as possible, Sending a lot of love to you and your loved ones! Long live love! ❤️❤️❤️

    • You literally just brought tears to my eyes. I am so grateful that my blog, photos and videos have made a positive difference in your life. That is what truly means the most to me, in my blogging/social media world… well, and in life too. I’m so very grateful that you told me.

      I wish I could reach through the computer and give you a massive hug.

      Big love and many hugs to you, each and every day.

      Lynne xo

  170. Lynn Jordaan says:

    I am so sorry you have to go through this really shitty experience. All I can say is hold on to your guy as tightly as you can for as long as you can. My heart breaks for you. I understand. I have been on a journey like yours. Much love and many hugs to you and yours.

  171. Helen Marioncu says:

    “We have always been thankful for good days and bad days, as long as we kept having days. That was good enough for us.” I love that. Words to live by. Mind if I borrow them?

    So touched by your honesty. Love and good energy your way.

  172. Susan says:

    I really can’t think of any words to write to you BUT I wanted you to know my thoughts, hopes and prayers are with you and your family as you live through this nightmare.

    • Thank you Susan,

      I know what it feels like to not have words. Been there, done that, got the poster. Some things make us all speechless, don’t they?

      Feeling the crazy love from you anyway.

      Thank you!
      Lynne xx

  173. Zali Nash says:

    Oh Lynne. Dreadful, horrible, sad putrid news. Sorry doesn’t cover it even slightly. I won’t send you words of comfort or light, because I don’t think there are words that will comfort, but I’ll stand beside you “virtually” here in Australia. I’ll hand you ‘virtual’ tissues, ice cream , chocolate and wine.
    Thank you for sharing us a little of that rawness. I feel deeply honoured.

    • Zali, it is so very kind of you to write from wayyyyyyy across the pond. I can feel it !!

      I especially love the part about tissues, ice cream, chocolate and wine. 🙂

      Sending love right back to you across the mountains, rivers, blue skies and oceans!

      THANK YOU xoxo

  174. Natasha Orme says:

    So heartbreaking to hear your story but thank you for sharing. Sending you love.

  175. Liesel says:

    Lynne I am so, so sorry. I remember other posts about some of your family with cancer and when this one came in, I thought “No, this CAN’T BE!!!” I’m so sorry. My heart aches with you, and for you, and for your beautiful family.

    The mind just boggles about something so painful and unreal… You’ll be in my prayers and healing thoughts. Much love xxx

    • Thank you so very much for the beautiful thoughts and prayers Liesel. It’s crazy how cancer surrounds me… I’m starting to think that there must be some reason why.. a positive reason.. that I was destined to make a difference, and help others who are surrounded with it too.

      Trying to find light at the end of the tunnel. xo

      Thanks so much for leaving a comment.

      Lynne xo

  176. Anne Martin says:

    I am sooo sorry for your heartbreaking twist in the road you have shared with the love of your life, your beloved husband.. Your thoughts have inspired me in the past, and I’ve been so involved in the now I kind of forgot about you when I did not have your outreach through your blog. You are in the wilderness right now. The road is to be taken, it lies ahead, but the path has only the unknown and it’s full of shadows and scary darkness at the thought that the end of this path leads to a place where you have to say goodbye to your soulmate. Only those who have been on this path can understand the place you are at at this time. The commonality is loss. While embracing life to the fullest, life is but fleeting and we all face death. I hope you have a faith that can sustain you during this time. Faith is believing in that which we cannot see. Faith helps me to realize that though I have suffered through tragic and unbelievable loss, my time is not yet and there are people here who still need me to help them make sense of something so natural, yet so mysterious and unknowable until we too are placed on that same path. I’m soooo sorry, my heart breaks for you and your family. I will pray for a peace that surpasses all understanding and a gentle continued appreciation for the life yet to be lived to the fullest possible. Go gently and be ever so gentle with yourself and those you love as each finds their way through this.

    • Oh my. I have no words. You are so beautifully eloquent in sharing your thoughts with me. I am literally going to print them and hang them on my inspiration wall. THANK YOU so very much. I’ll have a constant reminder of the love, the appreciation, the gift of each other.

      With a huge hug of the biggest kind of love,
      Lynne xx

  177. Trish says:

    Thank you for sharing…. that takes courage.
    l send love, healing light and blessings galore your way…

  178. Leslie Aquilino says:

    I write this with tears running down my cheeks. Such a beautiful and yet heartbreaking story. I will remember you and all your family in my prayers~~ <3

  179. Sonya says:

    I am sending you all my love. Hold your hand out…there you go, can you feel it?

  180. Kerry says:

    Beautiful, inspiring, heartbreaking all in one. You have such an amazing talent of bringing us in, making us feel what you feel and then somehow leaving us feeling inspired and ready to tackle anything. Thank you Lynne & Michael. I’m honoured to call you my friends.

    • Kerry….

      You, my friend. Wow. You’ve been one incredible friend through thick and thin. Thank you for helping us when we were in a big pickle. It may seem silly to say it out loud, but althought it may SEEM like little things that you do for us, they have added up to reallllyyyyy big things.

      You saved our kitchen renovation LOL!

      You’ve sent the most amazing people into our lives, when we really needed them. Bonus: We gained some kickass friends along the way.

      THANK YOU my friend. Thank you.

      Lynne xxo