What have you been up to, chicken poo? I’ve missed you. Wait. I’m a poet and I didn’t know it. Ugh. Should I just throat punch MYSELF?
What have I been up to lately?!! I’ve been getting it on with my treehouse, road trips and my husband. TMI? Let’s just go with it.
Truth is.. I’m a blogger, I work from bed.
*snicker*
No really. What have I been up to?!
Keeping shit realer than a documentary. That’s where. There’s always so much to do, isn’t there? *panic attack* Sometimes we just need to close our damn computers and go live life.
The blog was calling me, I just wasn’t talking. I wanted to. I was wracked with guilt for not writing, and yet I was busier than a curly straw with life shenanigans.
Truth is, I have so many ideas to share with you that I sometimes get paralyzed not knowing what to share.
I totally feel guilty when I take a hiatus from the blog. I would climb a moderately sized mountain for you. You are my person. You are the yin to my yang. The ping to my pong. The normal to my crazy.
Here’s the juicy part. I’m so super duper supercalifragilisticexpialidocious stoked to be back… and I have a ton of awesome sauce lined up to share with you. I just love ya like that.
Let’s get this paaaaartayyy started!!
I’m going to tell you what I’ve been up to and then you are going to tell me what you’ve been up to. If your face just went pale and your eyebrows are stubbornly furrowed … don’t even think of backing out…
We got this.
You and I go way back. We can do this together.
We are sharing together. Got it? I’ll pull your hair and toilet paper your house if you go silent in the comment section after all my true confessions. Ready? No? PS. I have a roll of toilet paper in my hand. Let’s go…
What I’ve been up to lately …
{{ I’ll try to keep it as boringless as possible }}
1. I started running. Okay. I went running once. I died a thousand deaths.
2. Blogging is not an active sport and my muffin top got the memo before I did. I considered buying this so I could work out at my desk. For reals. I wouldn’t joke at a time like this. Okay. I would. But still.
3. I’m a professional exercise avoider
I tried these hip hop ab videos. It was spontaneous and possibly ill advised.
Here’s the thing. Don’t judge. I freaking love the workout DVDs!
Wait. Did I really say that? Something may be wrong with me. I’m normally allergic to working out.
I swore that I’d never be that person that buys dee… vee… dees. It’s so 2012. Well, Lynne. Liar liar pants on fire. You did it.
4. What I’m addicted to watching lately …
I also bought these DVD’s. Faboosh series. I only eat 2 bowls of popcorn while watching. Okay. Three.
Two.
Maybe more.
Shut it.
5. Fave crush on Netflix…
I pretty much defeat the purpose of that working out thaaaang and sit on my arse watching Frankie and Grace on Netflix. It’s hilare on all levels of hilariousness.
They say things like…
I must have half of the beach in my vagina.
Sold. New favourite show.
6. Country Living can be a shit show…
We live on 100 acres in the Canadian countryside. Put on the brakes. Country living sounds waaaaay more romantic than it actually is.
Everything needs attention, including the squirrels and mice. I need danger pay for mouse traps. I hate those things.
What’s worse? A mouse staring you down from your breakfast bowl.
Yeah. Definitely worse.
Reality :
My table centerpiece is weeds. My grass is decorated with fancy pants dandelions.
If I see a wheelbarrow, my arms will go limp.
7. Canadian Effffing Geese:
I discovered that I have effffing Canadian Geese in my efffing pond. They are making effing goose babies.
I’m a gentle soul, but I have considered offing them.
Yup, it’s some sort of stupid National Canadian bird. Yup it’s legit illegal right now to make them disappear into the great white clouds of no-where-ville.
That same bird also shits like a crazy person with wings.
Like everywhere.
I’ve been out screaming like a wild lady at my pond….
Dude, are you having trouble with Google maps?!#@$%
Fly the other way mother effffer. Fly. Fly. Fly.
Will you visit me in prison?
PS. I heard that if you buy a plastic goose, cut his head off, and lay the whole shebang on the ground.. the other geese will see it and run/fly for the hills. Hmmm. Trying it.
* as I listen to the birds fly over head *
8. Oh Em To The Geeeh.
I’m 50 years old. I’m f’n ancient…. AKA
I turned twenty five. Twice.
Maturity-wise; I’m holding strong at 22. Wisdom-wise; I’m like at least 176.
9. Juicing is a smooth move…
I have been a.d.d.i.c.t.e.d. to juicing and smoothies for forever now. They make me feel like I have superpowers. In my head, I’m certain that I could jog to Florida and back.
I use this juicer and this blender.
I could totally, absolutely, definitely jog to the fridge and back now.
10. Here kitty kitty kitty…
We adopted a cat from our outlaws. He’s 300 pounds on a good day. He may look like a stuffed pillow but he can run like the dickens when he is guilty of something. His name is Fatty. Three guesses why and the first two don’t count.
11. *SNICKER* Let’s talk about balls..
Even though I am 50, I haven’t stopped talking about balls. *snicker* Balls make me giggle. Mature, right?
I’ve been using these balls in my dryer instead of dryer sheets. Holy snap dawg. Amazeballs. Cue the music. Let’s pause for a moment and listen to the angels singing.
Yeah. That good.
I once read that chemical dryer sheets can make your clothes glow in the dark with infrared lighting. Not that someone would walk through my forest with night vision goggles, but still. It freaked me out that I could possibly glow in the dark. The geese would see me. Revenge is freaky.
12. Door Track Hardware is d’bomb dot com
I wrote an ebook on How to make door track hardware. It’s my finest work evaaaaaah. Wait. I just bragged. What an idiot. Seriously. If you want to make the prettiest door hardware in the history of ever, this is your book. Instant download.
13. It gets better. There’s wheels too…
Did you know that I’ve been selling gorgy gorgeous wooden wheels for door track hardware, right here on ze blawg? Creating a product to sell on the blog is not always a piece of cake. Hmmm. Cake?
The wooden wheels are handcrafted by our local Amish pals. Can you believe that I have Amish pals? I know, right? So coolio.
I’ve been shipping the door track hardware wheels all over the world for the past 6 months. I’ve been too shy to tell you about them. I’m also a perfectionist. They had to be puuuuurfect before I would brag about them.
So now.
They are perfect.
Brag.
What an idiot. Teehee.
Do you want to brush my teeth with a brick for bragging? I know. Me too. The wheels and door track hardware book are really so freaking awesome. I couldn’t help myself.
There’s more….
Use the coupon code COMBO when you buy the wheels and door track hardware ebook together and you’ll save $10 slammers.
You’re welcome. xo
Prefer to buy them on Amazon? You can do that here too. Bada-bing-bada-boom.
Dang, I’ve got ‘yer back.
14. Perfection is boring. Let’s get weird.
The chaos in my house is unreal but my pinterest boards are the sexiest thing on earth. I’m also planning a kitchen reno because I’m not busy enough already. I die.
You and I are going on this kitchen journey together. It’s gonna be good.
Here’s my inspiration board for the kitchen, so far…
Beware. Pinterest rabbit hole. Dive!
Follow Design The Life You Want To Live’s board Kitchen on Pinterest.
PS. If you are a blogger, you hafta hafta hafta try Tailwind. It will make your Pinterest life dreamy. It’s so great for scheduling pins. You can pin while you’re sleeping.
Now, if it could clean my house when I’m sleeping, I’d marry it.
15. Linen and I are having a love affair right now.
Legit. Love. Affair. I bought a king sized linen duvet cover. Addicted.
Have you ever slept under linen? Channing Tatum? Same thing. I die with smitten love.
I found these linens on Etsy too! They are my favourite thing in the history of ever. All items are made by the most adorable etsy sellers evahhh. They make their linen goods in their small home studio in Lithuania.
I went cray cray with linen love.
I have the curtains, pillow shams, tea towels and white linen pillow cases in the treehouse. Totally amazing on all levels of amazingness.
Linen. I can’t even. Oh.La.La.
The Tea Towels are stunners.
16. Watch for the bloopers…
I started making videos. Like this one. Sign up to the blog or get hit with a pork chop.
Do it. Sign up. You know you love me. I love you. We are a match made in heaven. I only post when I have epic shit to share. Clearly. This post took me two months. LOL.
17. The treehouse is gussied up :
I painted everything that was standing still in the treehouse … WHITE. I wanted to colour it in with a non colour. White.
If I could get my arms around it, I’d freaking hug it. White paint is my bestie.
Because the treehouse is eco friendly and made from up-cycled, recycled materials (aka an old barn and stolen goods from my friends)… I used white milk paint.
I’m eco green….not hairy arm pits, Birkenstocks ….green.
I'm granola, but not THAT granola.
18. Road trip. Woot Woot !!
Michael and I went on a California road trip. Totally fun. We rented the worlds brightest car.
I’m sure if you lived on the moon, you’d have spotted our rental car.
The California coast has some amazing look out points. We went from LA to San Fran. It was gahhhhreat for soaking up scenery, boozy cocktails and generally just chilling the hell out. I took my vitamin W every single day.
Do it. Your heart might explode.
19. Why a road trip? Why?! Dammit. Why???!!
Because winter refused to end in Ontario!!
.
annnnnnd Michael and I are celebrating 20 years together.
TWENTY YEARS.
I don’t know how that happened. I’m only 25.
And counting. And counting. And counting. Oh shut up.
You have met Michael here <– (sad, not funny) and on the blog here too <– (not sad, supes funny.) There’s even a video of him here where he talks about me blawg and cancer.
20. Hit the road, Jack.
It was a great excuse to drink California wine. Let’s put it this way. Certain alcohol has beneficial antioxidants and I like to fight cancer sometimes. I like wine. Not in a wine way, in an antioxidant way.
I’m a bit of lightweight. After two drinks, I start licking faces.
It’s not embarrassing at all.
Did you get any great ideas in the post? Say yessssss. You want to kiss me right now, don’t you? I know. I know.
Pucker up.
It’s good to be back.
Let’s have a virtual sip of vodka awesome water tonight and celebrate that you didn’t close the browser window on me when I overshared my life happenings. Hey, while you’re sipping that water, share your life happenings with me.
Sooooooo, whatcha been up to, buttercup? Spill… I want to hear all about it. I’ve missed you. xo
